how will a headstrong, independent, introverted girl take my confession?

[weird cat]

hi all, i'm a 27 years old male, the girl i'm in love with is 6 years older than me, we've known each other for over a year now, we go to the same martial art dojo together, but only been friends for about 4 months so far, through knowing her i've found myself quite in love with her for a number of good reasons, to the point that I would think about her almost every waking hour of my day. her actions suggests that she definitely cares for me as a friend, however, perhaps due to her introverted nature (so am I by the way), i've found her to be fairly distant almost every time I tried to get close to her more than a friend would. my deduction, although i maybe wrong, is that she doesn't have any interest in me more than that of a friend, and her distant reactions is her way of telling me so having sensed that I like her. just last week she went on a first date with another guy (which she volunteered telling me by chance), and I realized that I liked her too much to just watch her gets taken by another, so I've decided to confess to her exactly how I feel this valentine's.

my concern, is that I don't know how she will take it, I know I should let her know of my feelings, I know I don't want to simply let go of her, also that I really treasure our friendship, but I don't know how I should proceed after I confess to her, if I should ask for anything at all (like going out with me), if she would feel stressed out about all this.....

sorry to sound so confused, I am confused really wouldn't be here otherwise. I was hoping that you ladies out there could help me by sharing how you personally might feel being confessed to, how would you likely respond if you only liked me as a friend for the time being? what should I do, or say that would make you feel most at ease under the circumstances? how might I get you to develop feelings for me?

thanks so much! I really appreciate it!

[RockNRoll]

I would say, instead of confession, ask her out on a date - she'll get the hint that you have romantic feelings for her. Maybe mention, that you wanted to ask her out sooner - it's the biggest confession you need.
But it is a very bad sing, that she told you about going on a date with other guy.

[weird cat]

Thanks there, I did consider asking her out directly, but I feel that under the circumstances doing so would be quite selfish knowing that she already started to date another guy, however few dates they may have gone on, I asked myself how I would feel if I was in her shoes, having been asked out by two guys, and I think I would feel quite stressed.... but that's just me being against dating more than one person at a time

we are actually going on a snow trekking trip with a few friends this 13th, I asked her specifically for a chance to talk to her alone while we are out there, since I don't actually have that much chance to talk to her in a quiet setting, and I figured a snowy field would be a good place to talk. I think (or at least I hope) she has an idea of what I will talk to her about. and maybe it's just my imagination, she seemed even more distant the last few days when I texted her...

I understand that perhaps walking away and just be friends with her(which i'm perfectly capable of doing) is the easiest option, but to me, I've never felt this strongly about a girl that I would go this far for, and I know i'd really despise myself if I haven't tried my hardest.

[twinrexes]

If she's introverted, I don't think a confession will go over very well. You're introverted to, so once you get the courage to tell her how you feel you're likely to blurt out a bunch of stuff that she won't know how to respond to.

Confessions make us chicks really uncomfortable.

How about something more along the lines of, I was hoping the two of us could do something together "just us two". Not as dojo buddies but on a date. Then I heard you were already dating someone and I was kicking myself that I didn't ask first. Is it too late to get my foot in the door?

You know, you get the point across but don't do it in too serious or desperate a tone. Make light of the situation to put her at ease. High intensity is the last thing you want here.

[weird cat]

Thanks so much Twinrexes! that was some amazing advice, she's pretty open and socially capable for an introvert, i'm more along the lines of being too straight and intense, just as you say. and I can certainly see me being too much about it might make the situation worse. I will start rethink my strategies based on your advice.

any more pointers from you ladies would be seriously appreciated! thank you

[SelflessnHumble]

How can you she be introverted and you be confused while studying Martial Arts?
Didn't you two watch Karate Kid?

[HeartIsAching]

How can you she be introverted and you be confused while studying Martial Arts?
Didn't you two watch Karate Kid?

Was that meant to be a joke? If not, that was quite possibly the most senseless post I've seen from you.

[xxazurexx]

If it seems like 'no interest', then it usually means 'no interest'.

I'm unsure what all this has to do with being 'introverted'?? If she was an 'extrovert' she will react 'exact' same way and if there isn't an interest in anything but friends. She's still gonna feel uncomfortable and give you some 'cock and bull' excuse...introvert or extrovert!

If I saw you as only a 'friend' and you asked me out directly (which has happened to me a few times, lmao), I'd probably get real uncomfortable and try to put you off. I'd say stuff like 'I'm not looking for anything at the minute'. If you persisted, which a lot of men do and because they think they can get us to change our minds, then I'd tell you straight up that I didn't see you in 'that' way...then start to avoid you. I'd start avoiding you, so as not to lead you on or give you false hope.

[SelflessnHumble]

Was that meant to be a joke? If not, that was quite possibly the most senseless post I've seen from you.

When it comes to the 2nd line, of course that was a joke!
The first line was not....

I mean the martial arts aren't just random teachings of self defense! (in case you didn't know)
The body, mind and SOUL must be as one in order to fully appreciate and understand martial arts.
I mean if he cannot discover the BASIC fundamentals of human interaction then he might as well quit "studying" an art he will never fully grasp.

[weird cat]

...... did you expect me to be offended? or were you expecting me to be immature enough to bicker with you? it so happens that the reason for my confusion is because I believe in putting the benefit of another ahead of my own, that one should always be considerate to how one's actions might affect others. perhaps you could learn the meaning of courtesy before you proceed to judge so carelessly. rather unfitting for the name you chose to use isn't it?

[alwaystryin]

Go with twinrexes advice on this one. I'm a girl and it's an honest approach that I would appreciate whether I was interested or not..

[SelflessnHumble]

...... did you expect me to be offended? or were you expecting me to be immature enough to bicker with you? it so happens that the reason for my confusion is because I believe in putting the benefit of another ahead of my own, that one should always be considerate to how one's actions might affect others. perhaps you could learn the meaning of courtesy before you proceed to judge so carelessly. rather unfitting for the name you chose to use isn't it?

I didn't expect anything from you...but addressing my question would have been nice.
And since it was a harmless joke and you took grave offense: maybe you shouldn't ask her out?

Your answer is pretty vague (again) What is the reason again? You believe in putting the benefit of another
ahead of your own and that since you also believe that your actions might affect her in a way other than intended that you are
somehow exercising "consideration" for her well being by not telling her how you feel? How does this apply to her situation?

Well, let's see.
You are both taking classes to better yourself in martial arts. I get that.
You've already affected her well being by *being friends* for 4 months.
The next logical step once a friendship has been established (where one party) has feelings for another that transcend that *title* is:
To approach her (not in the dojo obviously) and ask her out.

Of course it would help if you two actually have been out prior so that you put things in place to warrant asking such a question in the 1st place.

In life: people are going to have to deal with things they don't or can't. This isn't your problem.
If you ask someone out, and they say no...what is the worst that can happen? Are they going to quit their classes just
because YOU asked them out? Would this be your problem? (I'm guessing you would feel that way)

If everyone thought the same as you: people would NEVER get together! It is because that the masses
are the complete polar opposite of you: which has people stepping over the line to ask questions.