In a lose lose situation & need help ASAP!!!

[doc_11]

*Disclaimer, I'm not the greatest person and explaining things in details without writing a 200 page essay, so please bare with me. I will try and give you as much information as possible, but if you need more please ask.



My girlfriend does not get along with my best friend or my best friends gf. In fact the heart of the problem is between the 2 girls they are on complete ends of the spectrum when it comes to personality. Now I don't really care if these two girls get along or not, but the problem is that my girlfriend thinks my best friends hates her just as much as his gf and vis versa. This has been going on since the very beginning of our 2 year relationship and is really about to explode as our feelings for each other grow and we have been discussing marriage and the rest of our lives together.

Its gotten to the point now where my gf has given up trying to be friends with either of them. She never wants to see them and has used some pretty harsh words to describe her feelings for them. The other girl could care less she speaks her mind and it doesn't really bother her. The problem I'm now put in a situation where I have to choose, either my gf or my best friend. I think it is extremely unfair for me to be put in this situation, but at the same time I do have to take a lot of the blame for this getting out of hand, because I probably should have addressed the situation early on in the relationship between each party. But instead I thought it would blow over in time and not be that big of a deal. Did I think these 2 girls would be bff? No way, but I thought that they would at least be adults and realize that its not about just them. I guess I was wrong.

So last night, me and my gf went out for a dinner date (which we don't get a lot of, because a financially we can go out that often and b she is an amazing single mother to an adorable 5 yr kid, who I love as well. So date nights are pretty special for us). Anyways, we then meet up with some of her friends to celebrate one of there BD. I have been swamped at work and was dead tired so I called it a night early, while she stayed out. I went to bed and around 2 am I get woken up to her yelling at me about how I haven't done anything to fix this problem. I was half asleep and honestly don't really know what was all said. The argument only lasted about 1 min, but it ended with her storming out of the room and me sleeping by myself. I think I was given an ultimatum, but I don't really know for sure.

This problem has blown way out of my control and I have no clue what to do. My gf has tried numerous times to be friends with these 2, but she has given up all hope and I don't know if I can convenience her to give them another change. On the other side my bf and his gf don't really know how bad its gotten. I'm the worst person when it comes to confrontation and I don't know how to approach the situation.

Any help would be SOOOOO appreciated.

Thank you.

p.s. part of the reason why she stormed out last night was because last week this girl deleted my gf from Facebook. When she asked me why she did this, I told her I had no clue. Later on in the week I found out why, and when my gf asked me again I said I hadn't talked to her about it. It might of came out last night that I knew why she deleted her from FB, and I pretty sure my gf was pissed because I lied. But in all fairness the reason why I with held that information was to avoid this very same problem from coming up, and to be all honest I think its jr high bs and pretty stupid. There both 25 yrs old, I mean come on, is it really that big of a deal if someone who you don't like in the first place deletes you from FB. O, and the reason for the deletion was because "They never talk, so it didn't seem like a big deal" I think that's a load crap as well. I would really like to tell both of these girls to grow up, but that would obviously not end well at all, and would not be a very good approach on my part.

[smackie9]

Maturity is a real issue here. This problem is not your's but her's and only her's to deal with. She is the one that should try to resolve whatever issue they have with each other. I know you love your GF but I think she is more of the problem and not your friend's GF. Basically your GF needs to settle down and grow the **** up. The only way this will happen is you growing a spine and put her in her place. She needs to know how rediculous this all is and you don't deserved to be yelled at in the middle of the night. If she can't resolve this herself she should at least be civil when they come over for movie night or dinner.

[Darkest Heaven]

It's not your problem.


While it would be nice if everybody's significant other could get along with their friends, it doesn't always happen. I've had girl friends that HATED my closest friends. You know what I did? I spent time with my friends on days my girlfriend and I were apart.

You can't make people like each other. If she wants to be mad at you because your friends act a certain way, sit her down and explain that you can't control what they do. Then apologize for force feeding your friends to have as it sounds like you've been doing, and learn to manage time better to enjoy the company of all parties involved, even if sometimes separately.

[smackie9]

**Note: I it scares you to even speak your mind to your GF for fear of some crazy outburst....why the hell are you even with her? That's not a very healthy relatinship if you have to walk on egg shells.

[doc_11]

Maturity is a real issue here. This problem is not your's but her's and only her's to deal with. She is the one that should try to resolve whatever issue they have with each other. I know you love your GF but I think she is more of the problem and not your friend's GF. Basically your GF needs to settle down and grow the **** up. The only way this will happen is you growing a spine and put her in her place. She needs to know how rediculous this all is and you don't deserved to be yelled at in the middle of the night. If she can't resolve this herself she should at least be civil when they come over for movie night or dinner.

I agree with you 100% and I needed to hear it from someone else. THANK YOU. I will take part of the blame in this getting way out of hand. And its because I put my tail in between my legs and let her tell me its my fault, insead of growing a backbone and speaking my mind.

Its weird, I'm the complete opposite when it comes to this with everything else. Ask anyone of my coworkers and I if I see BS, I call it out and I really don't care if I make someone upset. However, with her, I'm so worried about hurting her feelings, that I completely shutdown and don't say what's on my mind. What I need to do is tell her, that if she really cares about me and my happeness then she will try and fix it. I don't accept these two to be bff, but they can at least be civil. And she needs to stop worrying so much about what they think of her.

[doc_11]

It's not your problem.


While it would be nice if everybody's significant other could get along with their friends, it doesn't always happen. I've had girl friends that HATED my closest friends. You know what I did? I spent time with my friends on days my girlfriend and I were apart.

You can't make people like each other. If she wants to be mad at you because your friends act a certain way, sit her down and explain that you can't control what they do. Then apologize for force feeding your friends to have as it sounds like you've been doing, and learn to manage time better to enjoy the company of all parties involved, even if sometimes separately.

In the very beggining I did put probably too much pressure on her to be friends with my friends. She is really shy around new people and the other girl took this as her being a snob or something like that. I did finally reliaze that I needed to back off and knew that use double dating ever weekend wasn't going to happen. In fact she hasn't even seen these 2 since Nov. She is vary understanding when it comes to me spending time with my friends and 90% of the time that involves her not doing going out with us. With her friends we do everything together with them and most of our social time is spent with her friends. Would I like to be able to do more thing with her and my best friend? Of course, but I understand the situation and I am ok with us not doing as many things together with my friends. The problem that I have is she can't get pass the fact that her and this other girl aren't friends, and the way she discribes her feelings for these 2 is done right discusting.

[hello1]

It sounds to me your girlfriend has tried with these people but kept getting knocked back and you, her boyfriend is just letting it happen and still hanging with with people who do not like her. My boyfriend had a male friend who did not like me and I know bitched about me, it annoyed me so much that he stayed freinds with him. They are not in contact now, not too do with me but I am glad he isn't in his life anymore

[doc_11]

It sounds to me your girlfriend has tried with these people but kept getting knocked back and you, her boyfriend is just letting it happen and still hanging with with people who do not like her. My boyfriend had a male friend who did not like me and I know bitched about me, it annoyed me so much that he stayed freinds with him. They are not in contact now, not too do with me but I am glad he isn't in his life anymore

So what do you think I should do? This guy has been like a brother to me. He has had my back so many times. And I've asked him several times and he has never had an issue with her. In fact when its just the 3 of us, she gets along with him pretty well. So because our gf can't get along I should lose contact with him? and I'm not saying that is what you are implying, but I don't think I should be put in that situation. In fact, I'm not reall found of one of my gf friends. However, we hang out all the time. I'm always extremelly polite and I keep my 2 cents to myself. And the reason why I do this is because I would feel like the biggest jerk in the world for trying to influence who she should and should not be friends with.

[hello1]

So what do you think I should do? This guy has been like a brother to me. He has had my back so many times. And I've asked him several times and he has never had an issue with her. In fact when its just the 3 of us, she gets along with him pretty well. So because our gf can't get along I should lose contact with him? and I'm not saying that is what you are implying, but I don't think I should be put in that situation. In fact, I'm not reall found of one of my gf friends. However, we hang out all the time. I'm always extremelly polite and I keep my 2 cents to myself. And the reason why I do this is because I would feel like the biggest jerk in the world for trying to influence who she should and should not be friends with.

Its obvious you aren't willing to lose a freind for a love so end it with her.

[Cinnabella]

Its obvious you aren't willing to lose a freind for a love so end it with her.

Exactly. Lol