New GF has ex-BF pursuing her again, and she is confused.

[The Phoenix]

I have a great new GF of a little more than a week now, and we're both feeling a really strong connection. However, her ex-BF has now decided (after finding out that she's moving on) to pursue her again. They had been together for about 6 months, and another 6 months as FWB's. She'd seen him very little lately, and not once for 3 weeks before our first date. He first showed up at her house late one night while I was there, but I refused to get involved (she did not answer the door either).

That was a few days ago, and today she tells me she has a dilemma. Her ex is now telling her everything that she ever wanted him to say. The fact that he's making a desperate attempt to get someone back that he had lost a while ago is not what I have a problem with.

It's that she views this as dilemma that bothers me. She acknowledges that I have made her very happy, and that I am everything that she's wanted in a BF and potential husband. Why she has a problem simply telling him that they are done, even though they had a lousy relationship, is beyond me.

I already care quite a lot about this woman, but I will waste no time with someone who is "confused". After all, for all of the great things she says she likes about me, how am I to take her "confusion" about someone that she had such a poor relationship with?

Thoughts?

[twinrexes]

She's doing what millions of women have done and will always do. She stuck it out with this guy as FWB for six months because she couldn't just walk away. She was hoping he would come around, tell him what she was longing to hear. When she finally gave up on that happening, she got the nerve to cut ties for good. Then, of course, he gets jealous that she's moved on so he tries to get her back. It's not about HER at this point, it's about him not losing out to some other guy. So what does he do? Tells her what she's been wanting to hear. So obviously he know for the entire year they were together but wouldn't tell her THEN. He tells her as a way to manipulate her.

She, on the other hand, is too close to the situation to see this. All she knows is that after hoping to hear all those magic words for so long, she's finally getting what she wanted from him. The game has played out and she thinks she's finally won. Does she take the prize or turn it away and stick with you, whom she hasn't had to fight for at all?

If she could only understand that if she did take him back, he'd probably just go back to his old distant self again.

So you're caught in the middle of a very common drama.

If you've already decided not to waste time with someone who's confused, then good for you! You've got backbone. And good instincts. Go with them!

[hello1]

I agree with what another poster said. This guy is just jealous now and I bet he doesn't really want be in a relationship with her, he just wants to know she will always be there as his bit on the side and he has the power. If she thinks with her head, she will realise this and stay with you but as she got feeling for this ex I say she may go back to him. I say get out of this love triangle! she is using you to make him jealous and guess what, she is going to end up the loser and she come back begging to you but hopefully by then your have a new girlfriend who just has feeling for you!

Your choice

[xxazurexx]

She acknowledges that I have made her very happy, and that I am everything that she's wanted in a BF and potential husband.

Huh?? ^^^ Potential Husband?? After a week together????

You've known her a week. If she's 'confused', it means she isn't totally over him. I'd spare yourself the 'drama' that is likely to follow and get out NOW and especially if she jumped ship and went immediatley from him to you.....in which case you could be the 'rebound'.

Or you can sit back and wait to see what happens.......NOT ADVISED.

[Take2]

This woman is bad news. Potential husband???? She is needy and clingy and has an agenda. She is lookiing for a husband, looking hard, and more into the idea of having a mate than into you. Watch out!

What's more, she is not over her ex. That makes you a rebound. Those always end badly, and you are the one who will get hurt. An emotionally healthy woman would not be "confused" if her ex came around after she gave up on him and started saying whatever it takes to get her back. She would be dismissive, too little, too late. And she would be dismissive even if she were single, because that is what self-respect would demand. That she is willing to entertain the idea and get confused is a huge warning signal for you.

Run, do not walk!

[Bella82]

She's doing what millions of women have done and will always do. She stuck it out with this guy as FWB for six months because she couldn't just walk away. She was hoping he would come around, tell him what she was longing to hear. When she finally gave up on that happening, she got the nerve to cut ties for good. Then, of course, he gets jealous that she's moved on so he tries to get her back. It's not about HER at this point, it's about him not losing out to some other guy. So what does he do? Tells her what she's been wanting to hear. So obviously he know for the entire year they were together but wouldn't tell her THEN. He tells her as a way to manipulate her.

She, on the other hand, is too close to the situation to see this. All she knows is that after hoping to hear all those magic words for so long, she's finally getting what she wanted from him. The game has played out and she thinks she's finally won. Does she take the prize or turn it away and stick with you, whom she hasn't had to fight for at all?

If she could only understand that if she did take him back, he'd probably just go back to his old distant self again.

So you're caught in the middle of a very common drama.

If you've already decided not to waste time with someone who's confused, then good for you! You've got backbone. And good instincts. Go with them!

Twinrexes, it sounds like you may have been in this situation before? You know it too well!

[Mangochan]

I am in a sort of similar situation as your girl (Though I'm not as confused) I dated a guy for 2 years with him constantly thinking that we should break up or go on a break. (Well, we went on a break twice, but he mentioned it to me more than that) When he broke up with me, I was devastated. But I realized that our relationship sucked. I mean, people had told me that plenty, but it took me thinking about it on my own and coming to my own realizations to move on. Now,when my ex begs for me back,I can tell him no. That's what she needs to do. I would tell her that, then let her be. She needs to realize her true feelings completely on her own.

[IncognitoSir]

Drop her like a hot potato. And when he flakes on her in a few weeks and she comes crawling back to you, don't take her back!

[Kaius]

She's not ready to move on. She's obviously not over him. You are not her number 1 priority at this point.
Stay or leave? Is she worth waiting for?

[ktm390]

listen to Ween on this one....

My dinner's on fire while she watches TV
And if you've ever wondered what it's like to be me
She takes all my money and leaves me no smokes
Yells at my buddies and insults my folks
I'm breakin' my back doin' the best that I can
She's got time for the dog and none for her man
And I'm no dope, but I can't cope
So hit the ****in' road and piss up a rope

You can piss up a rope
And you can put on your shoes, hit the road get truckin'
Pack your bag, I don't need the ag
On your knees you big, booty bitch start suckin'
You ride my ass like a horse in a saddle
Now you're up shits creek with a turd for a paddle
And I can't cope -- piss up a rope

Uh, you can piss up a rope and feel the pissy dribble
You can piss up a rope and watch me giggle
For the last 6 months I been packin' your bag
You can wash my balls with a warm, wet rag
Till my balls feel smooth and soft like silk
I'm sick of your mouth and your 2 percent milk
And I'm no dope, but I've lost all hope
So hit the ****in' road and piss up a rope

You can piss up a rope
And you can put on your shoes, hit the road get truckin'
Pack your bag, I don't need the ag
On your knees you big, booty bitch start suckin'
You ride my ass like a horse in a saddle
Now you're up shits creek with a turd for a paddle
And I can't cope -- piss up a rope

[chorus twice]

[ktm390]

oops wrong thread, but it still kinda works here