Mother F**&** I don't know what to do

[rydoggy]

I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half now, and just recently have been realizing the magnitude of her relationship with her male friend. He is living in North Carolina and we are in Arizona. They have been friends longer than we have been dating, but it is coming to a point where I want to take the relationship to the next level, but the only thing is I'm not sure that this is wise due to being unsure just how close she really is to this guy. She talks to him every day, she texts him every day, even sometimes when we are hanging out, they make it a point to talk on the phone every other day. I have expressed that it bothers me she texts him when we are hanging out, and she has stopped doing it so much, but she still does every now and then. Just recently I was going to post on her facebook wall, and saw a message she had sent to him saying "Where are you I need my Michael time." I have asked her about it and she said it doesn't mean anything. She said My heart is with you. But I wonder if her heart is with me then why does she need to talk to this guy so much, because the moment I knew I was in love I stopped having frequent contact with all the girls of the opposite sex that I'm friends with, and never even talked to them every other day. I have talked to her about how the frequency in which they talk bothers me and I don't understand why she and him talk so much. She just said she can tell him anything, and they are just good friends. jokingly before we were serious and even after we got serious she had, "in an open relationship" on her facebook, she said it was a joke between the two of them. I asked her about it and she said it was a joke.

I talked to her about all of this and she just said they are just friends, that she loves me, and that I shouldn't worry about it. She isn't going to stop talking to him as much, she isn't going to do a thing about it, she basically just said deal with it in a nice way. She asked me how I am going to react when he comes to visit? I said I am going to be very uncomfortable, and I have no idea. I told her that I don't feel the need to be that close to any other girls because she was fulfilling enough for me not to have the need for so much contact with the opposite sex. Now i have friends that are girls, but I would never talk to them as much as she does him. She isn't willing to do anything about it, and it makes me wonder if when she says she loves me, does she really?
I don't know what to do, but I don't think I can go on knowing that she isn't willing to do anything about this, and knowing how I feel. I'm not jealous, but I am just bummed because i couldn't see myself talking to another girl that much because I am in love with her, but she doesn't have the same view as me. I've tried talking to her about it two times already it's always the same thing.

I NEED ADVICE

[ktm390]

sounds like she wants to be with him but cant cuz he lives to far away. so she has you to fill her physical needs and him for her emotional needs. bitch

[AMansView]

You should get out of this one brah. It's not going to be easy but you should wing yourself away from her by making the relationship purely sexual. She must be physically fine if you are putting up with this. She is not respecting you man.
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[Sharz]

I think you should post this on a female forum, you'll get a better response then the guys. Though I think she is dedicated to you, I think she does love you but maybe likes the attentions or is keeping her options open in case things fail with you. You are going to have to be firm with her and just tell her out straight, I've told you how I feel, you know it makes me uncomfortable. Why cant use cut it down? How can I make things serious with you and want a family with you and have kids with you when ur always going to be text him? let her know ur dedicated and you want her for the long run, why ur doing this ur also giving her a vision in the future where she looks bad making her realise that shell have to stop to making a functional relationship and family!

[vashti]

This is what dating is all about: deciding what characteristics you want to live with, and what ones you won't. She has clearly told you she won't reduce/stop contact with him, and now the ball is in your court. Do you want to spend your life with this? This is a "take it or leave it" kind of girl.

[rydoggy]

I posted it in both forums, and I pretty much got a better response here, it's always good to here advice from guys to, because you all can put yourself in those shoes and tell me straight up what you would do or what you think I should do. Thanks for your responses and advice.

[Horseyguy]

Personally I think you need to either deal with it as she said or let her go.

This is your insecurity that's doing it, not hers. She's told you that she loves you, wants to be with you, is with you not him, so you keep acting all insecure will just drive her away.

You're coming from a position of weakness and you can't win in the situation. If you were coming from one of strength she would find that more appealing and attractive.

Acting all insecure, jealous and sooking over it will just be raising red flags to her, maybe that's why she is having so much contact with him because she isn't 100% committed and wont be when you are acting like this.

If you give her an ultimatum, quit talking to him or lose me, if she stays she will resent you for it so that's not going to work.

Sounds to me that you don't feel secure in this relationship maybe it's time to move on?

[SelflessnHumble]

I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half now, and just recently have been realizing the magnitude of her relationship with her male friend. He is living in North Carolina and we are in Arizona. They have been friends longer than we have been dating, but it is coming to a point where I want to take the relationship to the next level, but the only thing is I'm not sure that this is wise due to being unsure just how close she really is to this guy. She talks to him every day, she texts him every day, even sometimes when we are hanging out, they make it a point to talk on the phone every other day. I have expressed that it bothers me she texts him when we are hanging out, and she has stopped doing it so much, but she still does every now and then. Just recently I was going to post on her facebook wall, and saw a message she had sent to him saying "Where are you I need my Michael time." I have asked her about it and she said it doesn't mean anything. She said My heart is with you. But I wonder if her heart is with me then why does she need to talk to this guy so much, because the moment I knew I was in love I stopped having frequent contact with all the girls of the opposite sex that I'm friends with, and never even talked to them every other day. I have talked to her about how the frequency in which they talk bothers me and I don't understand why she and him talk so much. She just said she can tell him anything, and they are just good friends. jokingly before we were serious and even after we got serious she had, "in an open relationship" on her facebook, she said it was a joke between the two of them. I asked her about it and she said it was a joke.

I talked to her about all of this and she just said they are just friends, that she loves me, and that I shouldn't worry about it. She isn't going to stop talking to him as much, she isn't going to do a thing about it, she basically just said deal with it in a nice way. She asked me how I am going to react when he comes to visit? I said I am going to be very uncomfortable, and I have no idea. I told her that I don't feel the need to be that close to any other girls because she was fulfilling enough for me not to have the need for so much contact with the opposite sex. Now i have friends that are girls, but I would never talk to them as much as she does him. She isn't willing to do anything about it, and it makes me wonder if when she says she loves me, does she really?
I don't know what to do, but I don't think I can go on knowing that she isn't willing to do anything about this, and knowing how I feel. I'm not jealous, but I am just bummed because i couldn't see myself talking to another girl that much because I am in love with her, but she doesn't have the same view as me. I've tried talking to her about it two times already it's always the same thing.

I NEED ADVICE

Already gave you advice dude. You're being played for a sucker. You are jealous, don't bullshit.

[rydoggy]

No i just put a lot of energy into the relationship, and don't get the same in return, not jealous, just disappointed that I thought more of her and am disappointed that she's not everything I hoped for. Just a mistake of putting to many expectations into a single person.You would have to be a pushover to put up with this and I don't want to be one of those. I agree with a lot of your guyses opinions but self confidence hasn't ever really been a problem of mine and it's not now haha. Anyways, thanks for the opinions.