Am I at fault here?

[knyn]

Hi I've been reading this forum for the past week or so because I have been feeling depressed about the current situation I am in.

Okay so first, I am pretty young, I have just turned 21 in December. Me and my current girlfriend met in high school when I was 16. Our relationship was never the ideal one you see in movies, but since it was my first long term relationship I just thought it was normal. Actually things were pretty good up until a year or two into the relationship. One day we just had a very big fight and she just told me she didnt wanna hear or talk to me any more. Of course I was torn. I didnt know what to do so I just partied my sorrow away. after about a month or two I started talking to another girl, she was a mutual friend of mine and my gf. We started to hit it off and started to hang out sometimes. Finally one day I get a call from my gf (ex at the time) asking if i could meet her up cause she needed someone to talk to. One thing led to another and eventually we got back together. The problem was she found out about the other girl and went insanely jealous. Before the incident I had a lot of friends that were girls because they were more like family friends that I grew up with. After that incident and when we got back together she just got mad every time I talked to them. at the time i felt as if it was understandable seeing as i did move on from her with someone else. but what else was I supposed to do?

Fast forward to now and it is the same. By this time we have gone on breaks or break ups a couple more times. The one that makes me really mad is the one time where we broke up for a couple months and she started getting a lot of attention from other guys. actually started a new relationship. Somehow we got back together and every so often she would tell me as a joke or somethign that she could get another guy if she wanted. I mean is that something okay to say? Now I dont have any friends that are girls really. When I would have an assigned group for a project that involves a girl she would completely freak out and get mad. Another thing is that when I would tell her I am going to go out with my cousin she would be pressuring me to tell her who was there and if any girls were around and to text constantly. Now at this time I drive and using the phone while driving is illegal where we are from. Still she insists I text and gets mad at me for not texting. So pretty much I cant have friends that are girls and the friends I do have I cna go out with them, but she will be mad anyways.

So what I am asking for is advice on what to do. I mean I love her and I kind of feel partly responsible for her jealous behavior, which she tells me is the case anyways. Is it reasonable for her to be this jealous? I want to make it work cause I have been with her for so long and of course we do have good times. Whenever I do feel like leaving, almost immediately i feel like staying. its weird I can never make up my mind.

Thanks for reading and any help is appreciated. sorry if its a little long

[ktm390]

well when i acted like her it was because i couldnt be trusted myself and i would project that on her. sounds like that is what she is doing to you. i mean if you were broken up and you were talking to another girl that is not ok but she can be in another relationship??? BULLSHIT!!! deep down she is hating the person she is or things that she has done or will do. anyway that was my first long term relationship and i cheated on her and so i thought she would do the same. she ended up cheating on me and that was the end of the relationship. we broke up many times before that but none of them ever stuck.....even after she stabbed me. yeah stupid i know. but i learned from my mistakes. and i never have cheated on another girl ever since.

[smackie9]

No you don't want it to work. This is an abusive relationship. She is the crontrolling abuser. You don't get it......this is a very unstable, unhappy, unhealthy relationship. You must let go. There are girls out there that will be more mature and won't beat you down because you went out with your cousin. You are just afriad of the unknown. You will be able to live a fulfilling life with out her. Yes there is someone out there that will respect you and treat you right. You will be able to forget about her. Years down the road you will look back on all this and think, why didn't I leave that crazy bitch sooner.

[whatthis]

It seems to me like the only reason you're hanging on to the relationship is because you've been together for so long. And the longer you're with her, the harder it's gonna be to break up with her. No offense, but she sounds pretty psycho. She's pretty much cut you off from all of your friends and she doesn't trust you at all - I don't think that's the basis for a strong relationship. Do you really wanna be the 35 year old guy who's married to a woman who's gonna be even more controlling than she is now. You know it's only gonna get worse. That's my 2 cents.

I know a lot of people who stay in a relationship just because they "love" someone. But what is love if you're not happy and there's no trust? Also, there's no happiness if there's no trust. You just don't sound happy at all.

[girl68]

Wow what a little twat. Ok, first of all you are NOT wrong... you were single and free to chat up whomever. Guess what? So was she. Guess what she's totally double standaring you. She allowed to flirt while single AND rub it in your face, and you are not even allowed to have a gal friend? And you're thinking it's somehow going to get BETTER? No sweetie, it's going to get worse.

Also when she took you back, she *should* have accepted whatever it is you did during your breakup and forgot about it. She has not right to be upset about that.

I honestly suggest you dump this little freak. Girls like this don't get better in time, they don't get better when you text as required, they don't get less jealous when you ditch all your female friends all it makes her do is "AHHHHHHHHHHHHA! he'll do anything for me" And then demand more.

If you think this is love... well then you're in for a great surprise when you find out what REAL love it... becasue this ain't it.