Ex girlfriend is pregnant. Help?

[Jmaz]

I have known this girl for 13 years, we dated on and off for about 8 of them. We have always been best friends. We do have a 4 year old together and we are both excellent parents. We decided 3 years ago that it wasn't working, we still remained best friends. We went on to see other ppl and we were both ok, there was jealousy here in there, but nothing serious. She in fact went on to having a serious relationship with a guy who she moved in with, that lasted about a year. I was ok with that, he was good to her and our son and never tried to take my place as Daddy. They split up about a year ago. She has been single since as I have been too. We started messing around again and it seemed like we were going to get back together. After 13 years she still gives me butterflies. I'm still very much in love with her, I always have been to be honest. The past few months we have been hanging out, we have had sex, stayed the night with each other, went out clubbing etc etc. We haven't done anything in the past month or so because she started seeing someone... She told me a few days ago she was pregnant by this guy. My whole world has feel apart. It's not mine bc we played safe. I don't know why this hurts so bad? I mean we were not an item, I was ok with this new guy. I didn't interfere or try to sabotage it. Now that she's pregnant I can hardly look at her, my stomach gets upset just thinking about it. This is so hard because we have the same friends and live in the same town. I'm dreading the texts/calls when she tells the world :( I feel like I have lost a best friend. She doesn't talk to me much anymore. I understand she's going through a lot and probably doesn't have time to chat with me. It's almost like the end. I could never be with her again because of this. She doesn't seem happy about it, she cried the whole time she was telling me the news. I asked her if he made her happy, she said "yeah for now" They have only been dating for a month. He doesn't look "Daddy" material, i could be wrong. I know it's not my problem and I should be running for the hills lol, but this hurts more than anything I have ever experienced. I feel like I "have" to let her go now. Us as parents will never change. We will remain good parents. I know she still loves me and I'll always be the one for her. I told her I would be there as her friend, but nothing else. I'm trying to move on and stay out of her business, but I jump when the phone rings hoping it's her :(

[IncognitoSir]

I have known this girl for 13 years, we dated on and off for about 8 of them. We have always been best friends. We do have a 4 year old together and we are both excellent parents. We decided 3 years ago that it wasn't working, we still remained best friends. We went on to see other ppl and we were both ok, there was jealousy here in there, but nothing serious. She in fact went on to having a serious relationship with a guy who she moved in with, that lasted about a year. I was ok with that, he was good to her and our son and never tried to take my place as Daddy. They split up about a year ago. She has been single since as I have been too. We started messing around again and it seemed like we were going to get back together. After 13 years she still gives me butterflies. I'm still very much in love with her, I always have been to be honest. The past few months we have been hanging out, we have had sex, stayed the night with each other, went out clubbing etc etc. We haven't done anything in the past month or so because she started seeing someone... She told me a few days ago she was pregnant by this guy. My whole world has feel apart. It's not mine bc we played safe. I don't know why this hurts so bad? I mean we were not an item, I was ok with this new guy. I didn't interfere or try to sabotage it. Now that she's pregnant I can hardly look at her, my stomach gets upset just thinking about it. This is so hard because we have the same friends and live in the same town. I'm dreading the texts/calls when she tells the world I feel like I have lost a best friend. She doesn't talk to me much anymore. I understand she's going through a lot and probably doesn't have time to chat with me. It's almost like the end. I could never be with her again because of this. She doesn't seem happy about it, she cried the whole time she was telling me the news. I asked her if he made her happy, she said "yeah for now" They have only been dating for a month. He doesn't look "Daddy" material, i could be wrong. I know it's not my problem and I should be running for the hills lol, but this hurts more than anything I have ever experienced. I feel like I "have" to let her go now. Us as parents will never change. We will remain good parents. I know she still loves me and I'll always be the one for her. I told her I would be there as her friend, but nothing else. I'm trying to move on and stay out of her business, but I jump when the phone rings hoping it's her

How much do you think she REALLY cares about you? She managed to get impregnated by a guy after only 1 month. She's happy for now????? Come on, she's not happy. Apparently, you couldn't make her happy either or else she would be with you rather than him. You DO need to let her go. The feelings are NOT mutual. As much as you love her, she has done a very poor job reciprocating the same for you. This is where you stop listening to your heart and begin to pay attention to the facts that are right in front of your face.

[hello1]

If you two were meant for each other you wouldn't been apart for so long. She wouldn't got pregnant by another man.

Time you moved on

[smackie9]

She has choices here, abortion or adoption or keep. If you ditch her because of this then you are a d ouche. This is the thing about true love.....it can conquer all. If you truly love her you should be there to support her. If she keeps this child, why can't you treat it as your own. It's not the person who provided the sperm is the father, it's the person that loves them and raises them.

Maybe this mistake was meant to be.....it goes to show her that you won't stand by her when she needs you most.

[Jmaz]

Thank you all for your answers so far. There are some good points here. I think I'm still in the "hurt" phase. I would never ditch her. We have discussed abortion and adoption. I did tell her I would help her in anyway I can. I don't think she knows what to do. I guess I feel hurt bc she was so careless.

[IncognitoSir]

Thank you all for your answers so far. There are some good points here. I think I'm still in the "hurt" phase. I would never ditch her. We have discussed abortion and adoption. I did tell her I would help her in anyway I can. I don't think she knows what to do. I guess I feel hurt bc she was so careless.

Its very important that you realize what you're saying. "Careless" is exactly what she was/is. true enough, you love her and this has hurt you terribly but it would behoove you to pay close attention to those of us who can look at this situation without the emotional ties. I hope you make the best decision for yourself though, this is NO time to put her issues before YOUR happiness and what you deserve and want.

[Boisdevie]

It's not for you to discuss adoption, abortion or whatever. It's entirely her affair. If she's stupid enough to get pregnant I'd stay well clear.

[Darkest Heaven]

As far as a relationship with her, she sounds pretty beat up emotionally. And by that I mean stupid. She spent time with you as a couple even when you two weren't, then runs off and gets pregnant after a month by some guy?

The right thing to do is support your child with her in any way you can. As far as she goes, it's over and done with. She was careless, disregarded your feelings, and didn't look out for herself. Now she's stuck with some asshole she barley knows with a child on the way. Watch your child and make sure everything is okay there, but let her go, no matter how hard that is.

[SelflessnHumble]

Is there a question in that space-less, paragraph?

The fact is: Having unprotected sex is a bad choice to make: she didn't learn from your poorly crafted decision making: now she's done it again.
I bet you didn't look like Daddy Material either, huh? Exactly. Besides, it's not your choice nor have you any say in who she sees.

The fact is: You don't know how to have a successful relationship: did you actually think she would just sit on her a$$ while you two pretended to be
some kind of best friend couple? Nope. Lesson learned dude.

Next time when you pretend to love someone; don't actually love them, nor be in love with them.
You ****ed up, now you have to reap what you've sown: as did she. Obviously she didn't feel for you what you felt for her.

[SelflessnHumble]

As far as a relationship with her, she sounds pretty beat up emotionally. And by that I mean stupid. She spent time with you as a couple even when you two weren't, then runs off and gets pregnant after a month by some guy?

The right thing to do is support your child with her in any way you can. As far as she goes, it's over and done with. She was careless, disregarded your feelings, and didn't look out for herself. Now she's stuck with some asshole she barley knows with a child on the way. Watch your child and make sure everything is okay there, but let her go, no matter how hard that is.

Awesome advice dude!