Thinking of doing something crazy

[MerryH]

Just ignore the troll

Just ignore the thread if it's bothering you so much.

[ashley89]

you weren't even with her... it's upsetting but I don't see why you are this depressed. it's not like she was your girlfriend and dumped you then got engaged to some other guy. maybe you misread her feelings...

[sadie_genie]

No, you have already tried hard enough. She was clearly not interested. Just because she smiles at you and gaze into your eyes doesn't mean much. Confident females do that to many guys.

[MerryH]

maybe you misread her feelings...

No, Ashley. Didn't you read the thread? She LOOKED AT HIM. For like, a FEW SECONDS. Obviously she's in love with him. Why else would a girl look at a guy? In the eyes, even! You've got a lot to learn about women.

[zipzap]

O.k....What do you love about her? What does she do to you that makes you *feel* in love with her?
What have you done for her to make her feel enough to give you glances (based on pity) that you feel were shared via a "moment" between you two while she was with her husband to be?

I like her great looks, warm heart, flirtatiousness, lively personality, sense of humor, and perhaps most of all, the fact that she liked me. When she would flirt with me, glance at me, or show interest during conversation, that attracted me.

I'm a pretty good-looking guy - dark with sharp facial features (I'm not trying to brag, just giving you an idea since you have no idea what I look like). Before I even met her, she glanced at me several times; that's what prompted me to say hello. I also have a lot in common with her. And I'm a nice guy - but maybe too nice and not assertive enough, and this could've been a turn-off for her. The prolonged glance/gaze when her fiance was there was different - she had a serious look on her face; it was more meaningful.

[zipzap]

How about you grow a pair and ask girls on dates yourself?

That's what I decided to do, but it may have been easier to go thru a 3rd party (better than the lame attempt I made).

[zipzap]

you weren't even with her... it's upsetting but I don't see why you are this depressed. it's not like she was your girlfriend and dumped you then got engaged to some other guy. maybe you misread her feelings...

Depressed over losing an amazing girl who was available and interested in me, at least at first - all because I didn't know how to play the game. How should I feel?

[zipzap]

No, you have already tried hard enough. She was clearly not interested. Just because she smiles at you and gaze into your eyes doesn't mean much. Confident females do that to many guys.

That's interesting. So you think my lame ask-out was enough? I'm not sure. I think I should've asked her out properly soon after I had met her. She might have even been expecting it. On the other hand, I felt that another attempt would make me sound desperate.

I think she is confident. She gets attention from lots of guys, and has to turn many down.

[zipzap]

you weren't even with her... it's upsetting but I don't see why you are this depressed. it's not like she was your girlfriend and dumped you then got engaged to some other guy. maybe you misread her feelings...

Also, I'm "this depressed" because until I found out she's engaged, I actually thought I could still pull it off. In fact, earlier that day, a couple of hours before reading her FB post, I was thinking what I should do next - talk to her mom, for example.

[zipzap]

No, Ashley. Didn't you read the thread? She LOOKED AT HIM. For like, a FEW SECONDS. Obviously she's in love with him. Why else would a girl look at a guy? In the eyes, even! You've got a lot to learn about women.

At the very least, she was interested enough to learn more about me, but I didn't step up to the plate. Or maybe I did; I'll never find out...so sad.

[SelflessnHumble]

I like her:

great looks (A Superficial reason)
warm heart (What has she done that you have bear witness to that makes you feel she has a warm heart?)
flirtatiousness (Define this flirtatiousness she has shown YOU?)
lively personality What defines her personality as lively?)
sense of humor (How has she shown she has a sense of humor?)
and perhaps most of all, the fact that she liked me. (Another superficial reason)

When she would flirt with me, glance at me, or show interest during conversation, that attracted me.

You haven't defined her flirting yet...
Glancing at you doesn't mean she likes you. If this were true: why did she not pursue you?
Since you find that glancing women MUST mean she is showing interest: why did she not act upon these glances?

Why were you anything but a man: (refusing to) take action when a beautiful, lively, funny and warm hearted girl
is showing you interest? What tells you that despite her engagement -she has held on to these feelings she NEVER affirmed
for you/to you? The fact is you have ZERO quantifiably measurable evidence that she ever did.

You have nothing to hold on to: and are creating something out of nothing.

I'm a pretty good-looking guy - dark with sharp facial features (I'm not trying to brag, just giving you an idea since you have no idea what I look like). Before I even met her, she glanced at me several times; that's what prompted me to say hello. I also have a lot in common with her. And I'm a nice guy - but maybe too nice and not assertive enough, and this could've been a turn-off for her. The prolonged glance/gaze when her fiance was there was different - she had a serious look on her face; it was more meaningful.

Despite having good looks...What you didn't have: was the kind of manly qualities she needed in a *man.*
When a girl glances at you: she wants more than a silly "hello." Instead of diluting yourself into thinking her looks
she gave you were "meaningful" A real man would have the courage to talk to her face to face...and he would
address what he thought he saw: for clarification...He wouldn't tip toe around the inevitable: being here grasping at straws, by
refusing to face the fact: she has never liked you: she has never wanted ANYTHING with you, and she has NEVER made the
effort: to show you (what you only knew to be illusions) that never saw fruition.

If you had asked her: "What do you like about me?"
What do you suppose she'd say?
According to your perception: she would have plenty to say...
So, tell me what is stopping you?

It's clear you don't respect her relationship: so then...begs the question:
Why aren't you confronting her about her *true* feelings you suspect she is secretly harboring while engaged to another man?

[sadie_genie]

That's interesting. So you think my lame ask-out was enough? I'm not sure. I think I should've asked her out properly soon after I had met her. She might have even been expecting it. On the other hand, I felt that another attempt would make me sound desperate.

I think she is confident. She gets attention from lots of guys, and has to turn many down.

You said you ask her out but she kept saying she was busy. That says alot. I assume after she said she was busy, she never made an attempt to reschedule?

[zipzap]

SelflessnHumble,

She's flirtatious by nature - the way she talks, jokes around (hard to give examples and they won't come out well in text). Warm heart - she's warm and kind and sweet, yet strong when necessary. These things are just obvious when you're around someone, and so is coldness and inability to flirt in others.

The fact that she liked me isn't superficial. It's a key factor. I look at plenty of pretty faces who don't give me the time of day, and I don't care to pursue them.

Glancing at you doesn't mean she likes you. If this were true: why did she not pursue you?
Since you find that glancing women MUST mean she is showing interest: why did she not act upon these glances?

I felt attraction when she glanced (it's an intangible feeling). I'm not sure why she didn't act upon it. I think it's because it's the man's job to pursue, not the girl's, and when she saw I was a bit reserved, it turned her off. She was still nice to me as a person and still is, because of her warm heart.

Why were you anything but a man: (refusing to) take action when a beautiful, lively, funny and warm hearted girl is showing you interest?

Because of my inexperience, maybe a bit of nervousness. Also, her interest wasn't 100%. There were times she didn't show interest, like when I asked her out.

What tells you that despite her engagement -she has held on to these feelings she NEVER affirmed for you/to you? The fact is you have ZERO quantifiably measurable evidence that she ever did.

Because it's just a feeling to her. We never got the chance to solidify them into a relationship - whether it was my fault or not.

You have nothing to hold on to: and are creating something out of nothing.

Sadly, you're right.

Despite having good looks...What you didn't have: was the kind of manly qualities she needed in a *man.*
When a girl glances at you: she wants more than a silly "hello." Instead of diluting yourself into thinking her looks
she gave you were "meaningful" A real man would have the courage to talk to her face to face...and he would
address what he thought he saw: for clarification...He wouldn't tip toe around the inevitable: being here grasping at straws, by
refusing to face the fact: she has never liked you: she has never wanted ANYTHING with you, and she has NEVER made the
effort: to show you (what you only knew to be illusions) that never saw fruition.

True that I lack certain qualities - assertiveness, confidence, experience. But I still say she liked me, only we never took it a step further.

If you had asked her: "What do you like about me?"
What do you suppose she'd say?
According to your perception: she would have plenty to say...
So, tell me what is stopping you?

Well, I suppose I don't show off my personality very well. I'm kinda introverted (but not very much so, I don't think). But I think she'd say I'm an interesting person, very nice, educated, good guy. Not really things that make a girl go crazy over a guy, I suppose.

It's clear you don't respect her relationship: so then...begs the question: Why aren't you confronting her about her *true* feelings you suspect she is secretly harboring while engaged to another man?

Because it's a stupid idea, as you all have said.

[zipzap]

You said you ask her out but she kept saying she was busy. That says alot. I assume after she said she was busy, she never made an attempt to reschedule?

Right. She said she'll get back to me but never did.

[zipzap]

Gotta go...will be back tonight or tomorrow.