he's "not" cheating

[kellie]

i was thinking of letting him tell her the truth. asking him if he'd send her a message telling her everything, and if he says no i'll do it myself. todays our anniversary.. i really like this guy. we've been through hell and back and ive always stood by him. im not ready to give up on us but if he doesnt "end" it with her then im leaving asap. i may be stupid but im young and in love and ive always fought for what i believe in. thanks for the advice. ive already spoke to one of his friends.. i dont plan on sleeping with him although if we break up i just might. im giving him the option to fix this, the girl is a long long way from here so its not like they have secret rendezvous and such but it still hurts. we'll talk tonight and i'll soon know whats become of us.

[xxazurexx]

The other girl isn't the floozy. The boyfriend is.

She's a floozy and because she is aware he has a gf....

In fact I'd go further than to call her a floozy...I'd call her a dirty slag.

He's a c**t too.

[oneandonly]

... im young ....

All the reason why you should let him go and look for someone who deserves you.

[vashti]

She's a floozy and because she is aware he has a gf....

True, but for all you know, she told him she isn't interested in being with someone that has a girlfriend.

[xxazurexx]

it showed a continuing message between him and this girl the messages were saying things like "ive left her tonight, i cant wait to start my life with you" "i miss you baby, i hate that youre sick. i love you so much" etc..

I think this ^^ pretty much says it all and in that she is full aware she is carrying on with a 'taken' man and there is something going on - if not physically, emotionally.

[SelflessnHumble]

Memo to yourself: A relationship without Trust is like fertilizing an egg without sperm. It's F ucking pointless k?
He doesn't trust you: check.
You don't trust him: check.

There is nothing to be confused about...
If you have trust issues: be prepared for countless relationship failures.

[Kaius]

If you honestly think that things will get better after he confesses, then you need to wake up.
It's true that you'll probably never catch him again, because he will be far more careful next time when he cheats.
By giving him another chance, you have positively reinforced him to do it again, as the consequences are nullified.
You will be the only one who suffers, as you will always wonder what he's up to. Why torture yourself?
Don't do something you'll regret years later. Cheating men never change....they just get better at cheating.

[SelflessnHumble]

By giving him another chance, you have positively reinforced him to do it again, as the consequences are nullified.

This ^^^ is so very well put!!!! Nice one.

Cheating men never change....they just get better at cheating.

Objection! Motion to strike.
I can say that a cheater is not always a cheater (I'm proof of this fact) ...BUT I will say that most cheaters
tend not to deal with what they did: so they get better at refusing to be held accountable: and this: never change their ways.

[HeartIsAching]

This ^^^ is so very well put!!!! Nice one.



Objection! Motion to strike.
I can say that a cheater is not always a cheater (I'm proof of this fact) ...BUT I will say that most cheaters
tend not to deal with what they did: so they get better at refusing to be held accountable: and this: never change their ways.

Me too. I used to be... I've learned better. Couldn't betray my wife's trust like that now.

[xxazurexx]

oh ffs.....seems everyone is a cheater or a 'reformed' one,...no fcking escaping them is there!

[HeartIsAching]

oh ffs.....seems everyone is a cheater or a 'reformed' one,...no fcking escaping them is there!

I suppose so. I'm better now. I won't try to defend my actions. One of the first things I learned (and I really learned it) in therapy is to be accountable for my actions. Therefore: I did it. I was wrong, and I am remorseful for my actions. Nothing I can ever do or say can make it right, but I can and have resolved to be better in many ways, that being one of them.

I refuse to do it again. I never cheated on my current wife, and I never will. I love HER too much to betray that trust.

[xxazurexx]

^I sometimes wonder, if one reason why people will cheat is because they are not with the 'right' person for them. People will often marry in haste and in the honeymoon stage which can last for up to 18 months. If these forums are anything to go by, some are making proposals after ONE MONTH of knowing each other, which is pathetic and because they don't even know each other. They get hitched and then further down the line they find themselves married to a totally different person, to the one they proposed too...
Which I think is why rushing into marriage is utterly stupid!! Yet there will always be 'numpties' who do it...

But anyway, I've heard of guys who cheated on their first wives constantly, yet have never ever cheated on the second wife. It's like they found the 'right' woman for them and so they never had a desire to cheat again.

[HeartIsAching]

^I sometimes wonder, if one reason why people will cheat is because they are not with the 'right' person for them. People will often marry in haste and in the honeymoon stage which can last for up to 18 months. If these forums are anything to go by, some are making proposals after ONE MONTH of knowing each other, which is pathetic and because they don't even know each other. They get hitched and then further down the line they find themselves married to a totally different person, to the one they proposed too...
Which I think is why rushing into marriage is utterly stupid!! Yet there will always be 'numpties' who do it...

But anyway, I've heard of guys who cheated on their first wives constantly, yet have never ever cheated on the second wife. It's like they found the 'right' woman for them and so they never had a desire to cheat again.

That's certainly a part of it for me. I couldn't be happier, and I know no other woman on the planet could make me so happy... I'm happiest when I'm just near her. She called me one day when I was on Skype video-chatting with my sister, and I took the call... hung up the phone a few minutes later and my sister was bawling... I asked her what was wrong, and she said "You should've seen the look on your face when you looked at your phone and saw that B______was calling. Your whole face lit up."

[Charisma]

She called me one day when I was on Skype video-chatting with my sister, and I took the call... hung up the phone a few minutes later and my sister was bawling... I asked her what was wrong, and she said "You should've seen the look on your face when you looked at your phone and saw that B______was calling. Your whole face lit up."

AWWWW, I hope I can put this in my signature!

OP, dump him. Don't waste your time on revenge, or on that hoe that chases taken men. That's their problem. He's a control freak, and was paranoid about you because he was sneaking around himself. If she or any other skank or unfortunately girl ends up with him, they will get the exact same bs. But you know better now.

Instead, put your energy towards a new haircut, some nice clothes, maybe some shoes or nice underwear you might not have had the guts to go and buy. Gather some friends and hit the town. But don't fill your head with thoughts of him anymore. He is the one that has disgraced you, and the pity is that the other girl was happy to try and steal another girl's man. Karma to both of them.

All the best.

[HeartIsAching]

AWWWW, I hope I can put this in my signature!

LOL, if you want.