Lost love coming back...(Very long thanks if you read)

[hjohnson1918]

Hello everyone, I�m having a very hard time of late and am seeking unbias advice and help. I apologize in advance for the novel, but I�m making it as short as I can.

Last year I met a girl and fell for her very quickly, easy to say my first true love. It took a few months for her to open her heart to me and be with me. Once she did things were great; she moved in, I met her family, we had fun all the time. However, one thing loomed over us. She was leaving for Iowa in the Summer. Her Father and Grandparents were there and she wanted to be near them and spend time with them, she is very family oriented. Well I did what I could to make things great in the time we had. Road trips, romantic nights, and lots of fun. The day came and she left.

Now it�s been a hard nine months but I remained very close to her and her family that is still here (her brothers) and we still spoke often. I saw her for the holiday�s; Thanksgiving, Christmas, and a week in January. She would call me everyday she was here and we would spend time together. Originally she told me she just never felt the way I did and that I needed to get over it, if we could be friends great, if not she was sorry. She would tell me how much she hates it there and how much she misses her brothers and that she will be coming back. After a while she started to get weird�

I started seeing someone else, as bad as it sounds, to just try and move on. It didn�t work as I had no feeling really. But my ex would call and say, �if you change your feelings for her let me know��then the topic of her birthday came up. She wanted me to come visit her and spend time with her for her birthday but said, �would you still come if I was seeing someone? I never want to hurt your feelings and it�s not like we�ll see each other for at about a year� (She plans on coming back in the Fall). I asked what that means for when we do see each other and she said, �I don�t want it to change anything but I want to try us for real when I come back. That because she knew she was leaving she didn�t want to invest everything she could and now knows that is what she wants to do. She also said to pretend like she isn�t coming back, to keep seeing what else is out there because she is going to date as well and she isn�t going to sit bored in Iowa, that she will be seeing someone and that doesn�t mean she doesn�t care about me, she just wants to have fun too.

I know she is seeing someone, and I am too. Although I feel we both want each other in the long run, how do I deal with the jealousy? Am I being played cause she knows I was 100% unconditionally in love with her? It is a very sticky situation. I have self-esteem problems (obviously) and worry he will be able to do what I couldn�t, and get her to stay. She says it�s just for fun, but fun comes with feelings after a while�right? I am a hypocrite for being upset about her and him when I have someone here that I see occasionally, and I know that. What is a love sick idiot to do?

[MerryH]

She's been very clear that she doesn't want a serious relationship with you. Then when you start seeing someone else, she drops hints that you'll get together when she gets back and tries to meddle in your current relationship. Why? Well, form your own opinion on that. But just know that this girl isn't at all serious about you right now. When she gets back, yeah, maybe she'll give it a go. But she's dating other people and wants you to do the same. She knows that there's potential for either of you to fall for someone else, but she's fine with that because she doesn't really care. I don't think you should settle for that. Give her up for good and when you're ready, give other girls a chance.