Can money ultimately make or break a relationship?

[califitgirl86]

My ex recently broke up with me for the 3rd in 60 days. We were in a LDR, and I went to see him twice, once in Australia and once in Switzerland. I bought both of my plane tickets for those trips, and I was able to support myself part of the time in Australia but not in Switzerland. Back in early December he broke up.he was saying that I wasn't the one for him, and I wasn't learning French enough...so I went no contact, one day went by and he texts me asking to meet me online. In that conversation he said he was sorry for doing that, and that he wants to come see me in California. So continued. Fast forward to mid January. He tells me he probably won't come because he doesn't have enough money for California, but he will go to Thailand instead because it's much cheaper, so he said since he was coming maybe we should end the relationship because we wouldn't see each other for awhile. I was crushed and tried to make him reconsider and he ultimately did. We had a long talk, and he said he is coming to see me in March. Fast forward to feb 2, 2011-doomsday, we meet online, and I already knew..he said its so hard to see you. I couldn't believe it. So he proceeded to explain why we had to break up saying what am I going to do for work in his country( I am getting a personal training cert that is what I was going to do for an income) He said he didn't want to be responsible for me and that is all I want, I was like huh? I made it clear to him that isn't what I want on numerous occasions. I had been picking apart this break up. I have been asking myself questions over and over, and I just really think this is about money above anything else. I just recently got an email from him, in which he tells me he is going on a Holiday to Thailand and now is subletting his apartment. How cold is he? What do you guys think?

[VincenzoG91]

Thailand is a popular destination for sex tourism. At least he broke up with you first. While money problems are one of the leading causes of divorce, I believe they are less relevant for couples that are just dating. The real problem is that you were in a long-distance relationship with somebody living on a different continent. That's generally a terrible basis for a successful relationship, and you will get much better results in the future if you date locally.

[vashti]

If you don't have the money to support yourself while traveling all over the world to see this guy, you don't have any business making him your boyfriend. You aren't married, and it isn't his job to finance your travel plans. Sorry, but you should find a local boy.

[califitgirl86]

He even said that it isn't the distance. He kept asking me what will I do for money in Switzerland. I know this guy well enough to know he isn't going to Thailand for sex. He is a very attractive man, therefore, he doesn't need to leave his country to go another country to acquire sex. He was so stressed about money a few days before the break up. Saying he doesn't know where his money is going and then he breaks up with me some odd days later? Even though, he was suppose to come see me. Now, I am no ugly duckling...I am extremely fit and have a nice face, and I am his type. He doesn't really go for Asian women. Anyways, we are not a new couple. We had been seeing each other for 18 months.

[Boisdevie]

Here's a wacky idea - try to find somebody who lives on the same continent as you. Perhaps even the same state or even - gasp - the same city.

[califitgirl86]

Firstly, I did finance my travel plans for both trips to go see him, although, I didn't have enough for Switzerland. He said that he would take care of me in Switzerland. I also had gotten hired as an Au-pair but I was unable to obtain a work permit, so I am very much able to support myself in the sense of getting work. No it is not his responsibility nor would I ever have it be, but that is not the issue. Someone once said "money warps our values", I did not get involved with this man because of his economic status. I actually I had a very nice apartment of my own and I had a life of my own. I just fell in love, so because I am not making a substantial amount of money, I shouldn't cultivate a relationship with someone?

[califitgirl86]

I am not sure why some of you are being so sarcastic. Kind of hurts my feelings but thanks for the advice.

[girl68]

In one word- yes

[GK001]

no 1 is hurting your feelings. its not the money problem is the DISTANCE problem. SEE IT. either you immigrate to AUS or he immigrate to the USA. but obviously his not committed enough to do that for you.
lick your wounds and move on. long distance relationships never work.

[vashti]

I just fell in love, so because I am not making a substantial amount of money, I shouldn't cultivate a relationship with someone?

No. At least, not one overseas. You can't afford it.

[sweetkissesforu]

He even said that it isn't the distance. He kept asking me what will I do for money in Switzerland. I know this guy well enough to know he isn't going to Thailand for sex. He is a very attractive man, therefore, he doesn't need to leave his country to go another country to acquire sex. He was so stressed about money a few days before the break up. Saying he doesn't know where his money is going and then he breaks up with me some odd days later? Even though, he was suppose to come see me. Now, I am no ugly duckling...I am extremely fit and have a nice face, and I am his type. He doesn't really go for Asian women. Anyways, we are not a new couple. We had been seeing each other for 18 months.

Maybe he cant fiance his own travels and yours

[xxazurexx]

Not that easy to immigrate to Australia apparantly...you need money. I believe it's 10,000 thousand in your bank and SKILLS they want....
They don't just allow any old 'riff raff' in...not that I am insinuating you are 'riff raff' OP...
That is what I heard anyway...dunno if it's true or not.

[xxazurexx]

No. At least, not one overseas. You can't afford it.

And people always have a choice.

I will overlook guys from abroad and no matter how appealing they seem or look.

Heck all the best looking guys seem to be in the USA....but I didn't waste time chatting to them and on the offchance I would grow to really like one of them.
It's called using 'common sense'. It was bad enough having one 2 hours away, never mind a continent away...lols

[smackie9]

Date locally......this will solve all your problems. There's over 300,000,000 people living in the US......I'm sure you will be able to find someone.

[califitgirl86]

Alright everyone thanks! I didn't plan to fall in love with someone from another country it just happened. I was totally aware of that was involved...I am a bit of a free spirit, and he was quite appealing. I take it as a lessoned learned.There have been plenty of people who make long distance relationships work. Just not in my case...Thanks for the advice though.