"Well it was nice to see you"

[Evelyn227]

Hi there;
First post, so bear with! Im not sure how much background to write about.. I suppose if anyone wants more info you canjust ask!
So Ive been with my boyfriend exclusively for 4 months now. He is very unlike anyone I have dated before in that he is a complete stereotypical man..He doesnt express or talk about emotion, hes very work-focussed, he sees things very logically and in black and white terms.I am the total opposite to this. In some regards this is very good for me; he makes me a litle less analytic about everything and a little less emotional.
However, he is just so.... proper...formal.. and its beginning to get to me. By this I mean he treats me like an occasionall acquaintance rather than a relationship (even though he has acknowedged we are in a relationship,he buys me little presents, has a framed photo of us on his wall etc etc) When we part he always says 'well, nice to see you' even though we see each other ALL the time.. its like.. I dont know, like hes making it into more of a formal thing.. I wish he could just say 'love you, see you tomorrow' or something. I dont know if any of this makes sense or is even complaint-worthy. Perhaps I am just being silly. hmm
Well, any responce would be lovely!

[ashley89]

it could just be the way he is... a lot of guys aren't overly expressive and won't feel the need to be all lovey dovey and mushy all the time. if this is who he is and you have a problem with it then maybe he's not right for you! if you can live with it and accept him for who he is, it'll be able to work. I would say maybe talk to him about it, but I'm not sure that would do much of anything, it seems like this is just in his personality and you can't change that, you know what I mean?

[Evelyn227]

it could just be the way he is... a lot of guys aren't overly expressive and won't feel the need to be all lovey dovey and mushy all the time. if this is who he is and you have a problem with it then maybe he's not right for you! if you can live with it and accept him for who he is, it'll be able to work. I would say maybe talk to him about it, but I'm not sure that would do much of anything, it seems like this is just in his personality and you can't change that, you know what I mean?

Thanks for your reply ashley. You are completly right, it is definetly just the way he is and I do accept it and know that I cant and shouldnt try to change him. But me being a typical female, I do feel the need for reassurance and affirmation of love occasionally. Its hard for me to feel secure with him if im questionning whether he still wants to be wth me!

[sweetkissesforu]

Thanks for your reply ashley. You are completly right, it is definetly just the way he is and I do accept it and know that I cant and shouldnt try to change him. But me being a typical female, I do feel the need for reassurance and affirmation of love occasionally. Its hard for me to feel secure with him if im questionning whether he still wants to be wth me!

People do mirror each other say to him what you want to hear

[Evelyn227]

hmmm.. but then he might just say it because he thinks its what I want to hear>?

[HeartIsAching]

Men are socialized to express their emotions in very limited ways... basically we're either happy or angry. We're taught from birth to do this, and it results in us having a very limited emotional vocabulary. I've been learning different for a little while now, but it's hard to do.

It's hard to say "I'm embarrassed" rather than just get angry. It's hard to say "That makes me feel very appreciated" instead of "Wow, cool!" Women do that much more naturally than men do.

[Evelyn227]

Men are socialized to express their emotions in very limited ways... basically we're either happy or angry. We're taught from birth to do this, and it results in us having a very limited emotional vocabulary. I've been learning different for a little while now, but it's hard to do.

It's hard to say "I'm embarrassed" rather than just get angry. It's hard to say "That makes me feel very appreciated" instead of "Wow, cool!" Women do that much more naturally than men do.

Yes, thank you, its useful to have this confirmed. I think its harder to hande for me as for one reason or another ive always known men who are actually in touch with their emotions to almost a feminine extent (this includes my ex). So to come across a man who isnt is going to take some getting used to. I suppose these emotional guys are actually in the minority? athough in the majority of the men ive known.
Is there anyway I could make it a bit easier for him to express himself? I know I cant change him, but it doesnt hurt to show him another way of doing things.

[Ferg]

Thanks for your reply ashley. You are completly right, it is definetly just the way he is and I do accept it and know that I cant and shouldnt try to change him. But me being a typical female, I do feel the need for reassurance and affirmation of love occasionally.

He probably thinks those gifts he gets you ARE affirmations of love.

Its hard for me to feel secure with him if im questionning whether he still wants to be wth me!

I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but it sounds like you are holding him responsible for your insecurities. He keeps your picture around, and that is a pretty big deal for most guys. You acknowledge that his personality is different from yours, and it doesn't sound like he has done anything cause you to question the earnestness of his affection.

[Boisdevie]

You can tell somebody 'I love you' which is very easy to do - just 3 llittle words. But you can also show people just how much you love them in so many other ways. I love my GF and tell her so BUT I also do stuff to show her how much I love her - not just presents because I don't have the cash but I have made her stuff, helped around the house. I even got up early with her kids so she could stay in bed and relax. Sometimes actions speak louder than words

[Evelyn227]

True, but its more the formality that he takes towards our relationship? I think its just in his nature perhaps but it does make me feel like hes a bit detached. Icalled him on it today when he said it and he just laughed..

[blent]

Men are socialized to express their emotions in very limited ways... basically we're either happy or angry. We're taught from birth to do this, and it results in us having a very limited emotional vocabulary. I've been learning different for a little while now, but it's hard to do.

It's hard to say "I'm embarrassed" rather than just get angry. It's hard to say "That makes me feel very appreciated" instead of "Wow, cool!" Women do that much more naturally than men do.

I disagree. I think you've over exaggerated that a little.