How long should I wait for her?, very complicated.

[larrybob]

We are both in our 40's and have been dating for about 2.5 years and very much in love. We met online when we were both separated from our 1st marriages. My divorced got finalized and she did not get a divorce because her husband came down with Stage 4 liver cancer. We both have small children and she lives 400 miles away. Her husband does not live with her and is perfectly okay with our relationship. Our relationship started as long distance and then she moved to my town with her kids and stayed for about a year until her husband got cancer and then moved back 8 months ago. Here are problems:

1. I have no idea when she is coming back, she has no idea either.
2. I do not like the long distance relationship, she is okay with it.
3. She does not work now and lives comfortably with the husband supporting her.
4. I want someone to come home to at night and wake up next to in the morning.
5. Her father is not doing well either and she wants to be near him as well there.
6. Her kids are making friends, dating, etc and the longer they stay the more difficult it may become to uproot and leave.
7. I cannot move there, I cannot leave my small children and do not have custody.
8. His death may create more problems, no life insurance, MUCH debt, no income coming in, a business to sell, a $3 million home cannot sell, counciling for kids, etc. Not the time to move.

At what point should I give up? I know I cannot do this another year because it may be longer than that, plus I hate it now. I've talked about this with her and she has no solution except continue what we are doing now. She feels trapped and that she will not have a happy ending.

She feels like she is doing the right thing by her kids by leaving me and moving back. However, I cannot do this beyond another 4-5 months, making it one year.

HELP...

[HeartIsAching]

I suppose it depends on how much she means to you. It sounds to me as if she's doing the right thing in regards to her family - specifically her kids, and so are you... this may simply be unresolvable. It sucks for you ,but asking her to come to you despite all that is wrong. Would you take her kids from their dying father?

400 miles isn't too far to visit once a week. That's a 6 hour drive. Perhaps you could go visit her, or move there and drive back to visit your kids.

Personally, I waited 19 years for my wife. She was worth the wait.