Am I just making excuses?

[knights68]

Let's see if I can summarize this within a paragraph.

Met a lady online 6 years ago. Smart, funny as heck, classy and beautiful both inside and out. We've been together for six years, except when we had a 9 month break about 3 years ago (after living together for a month).
Over time, she has really committed herself fully to the relationship and we have visions of a future together (marriages and all that).

So here are a few questions that concern me, but fear I may be simply overreacting:

1) Over the six years together, she has come to my place all of maybe a dozen times. I, on the other hand, have been to her place nearly every weekend. Is there something abnormal about this, or is this the norm (women prefer their homely place verus us guys utilitarian place)?

2) Our sex life is nearly non-existant. A large part of is it her (she is lazy, unmotivated, not interested). I am pretty much given up on this and now wonder if I can live the rest of my life with her with such a farcical sex life (honestly, I am afraid I am gonna stray if an opportunity comes up).

3) She bought a house nearly two years ago. In that time, I help her around her place, fixing stuff (typical guys role...lol) yard maintanence, etc etc. However I have noticed more as of late that I do stuff, she does less and less and start feeling being taken for granted. Should I stop, or get her off her lazy butt, motivate her to get to do some work too? Or again, am I just overreacting?

4) I love her, absolutely. All of her faults do not eclipse the pros on the pros/cons list. But is it shallow of me to leave a relationship because the sex is bad and at times, she is a bit self involved and I feel taken for granted?

[carl1222]

Where you stay isn't important. I don't think it's unusual to pick one place as your "home" together.

Sharing the day to day drudgery is a part of making an effort in a relationship. So is having a satisfying sex life. These are important things that if left unresolved will kill any long term relationship. Why do you think it's shallow?

[xxazurexx]

Welcome to 'real life'...

You didn't think it was gonna be a 'fairy tale' forever did you?

Relationships have to be worked at - they don't just 'fall' into place and stay that way.

[knights68]

I think it's shallow to even consider leaving a relationship because the sex life sucks (and has for years). Yet here I am, posting to a forum asking the questions as to whether I am overreacting and if this is shallow, especially if possibly (part of) the reason for her low appetite is medically related. I am not happy at all about the sex life, moderately satisfied with everything else.
The day to day "drudgery" is rather attractive to me, but moreso when we BOTH are doing something. A lot of times, she does nothing while I am doing the yard or what have you. This is the second item that I am not entirely happy about

[knights68]

Welcome to 'real life'...

You didn't think it was gonna be a 'fairy tale' forever did you?

Relationships have to be worked at - they don't just 'fall' into place and stay that way.

You posted to the Wrong thread I think

[xxazurexx]

You posted to the Wrong thread I think

No I didn't....

[vashti]

2) Our sex life is nearly non-existant. A large part of is it her (she is lazy, unmotivated, not interested). I am pretty much given up on this and now wonder if I can live the rest of my life with her with such a farcical sex life (honestly, I am afraid I am gonna stray if an opportunity comes up).

Regarding your second problem: I absolutely HATE watching some lazy ass sitting around while I work. It's a total deal-breaker for me, but laziness is my biggest pet peeve.

About your sex life: you say a large part of it is HER. What part of it is you? Also, have you spoken to her about the lack of sex? How does she explain her lack of drive? Is she having orgasms when you have sex? Is she taking birth control pills or anti-depressants? How old is she? Is she hypertensive or diabetic?

I think problems with a sex life can be corrected IF both parties are interested, but first you have to determine if the problem is hormonal, technique, or psychological. Healthy women who have orgasms tend to like sex.

[Regnent]

There's more than quantity when it comes to pro's and cons.

Doesn't matter if there's only one con, if it's important to you, then it's important. Period.

What are the top three things need from a relationship?

[VincenzoG91]

There's more than quantity when it comes to pro's and cons.

Doesn't matter if there's only one con, if it's important to you, then it's important. Period.

What are the top three things need from a relationship?

Spelling, grammar and punctuation.

[sweetkissesforu]

Sex is important when a woman feels she is desired and wanted her interest will be stronger
do you guys still have dates or are you acting like a married couple who have
separate houses have you talked to her most importantly 6 yrs is a long time
and you two are not living together or married whats up with that
in its self would say alot there are more issues in this relationship
that would put a damper on the sex life

[xxazurexx]

^I agree. More to this than meets the eye...

[HeartIsAching]

I think it's shallow to even consider leaving a relationship because the sex life sucks (and has for years). Yet here I am, posting to a forum asking the questions as to whether I am overreacting and if this is shallow, especially if possibly (part of) the reason for her low appetite is medically related. I am not happy at all about the sex life, moderately satisfied with everything else.
The day to day "drudgery" is rather attractive to me, but moreso when we BOTH are doing something. A lot of times, she does nothing while I am doing the yard or what have you. This is the second item that I am not entirely happy about

And I think it's unrealistic and foolish to think that sex isn't an important enough aspect to consider ending a relationship over. If the situation doesn't change, it's almost certain to end disastrously.