30-Year-Old Virgin vs. 30-Year-Old Virgin

[santosfebres]

I'm a few years shy of 30, and I've just entered my first relationship some two months ago. Obviously, this is enough to make things complicated in itself, but my girl seems to have even more issues than I do, so I'm really out of my depth and I'd appreciate any insight.

She has a noticeable hangup about romantic/sexual contact. By now, we're French kissing (a lot), with an occasional grab of her butt or breasts. But she very rarely lets herself feel me up (even though she seems to enjoy it a lot when she does), and seems only barely able to stand me touching her bare skin anywhere but on her face and hands (all I've even had opportunity to try is neck, or her back underneath a sweater, not my hand in her pants or anything). On the other hand, the most passionate response I got during making out was by kissing her neck.

She's very insecure, both about her appearance and otherwise, she went to a Catholic all-girl school, and her mom left her dad for cheating when she was a kid. It's hard to tell cause from consequence there.

Having gone a good way into my adult life without sex, I'm in no great hurry to push things further. On the other hand, I do want sex and relaxed physical intimacy eventually, and I don't want to validate and entrench her hangups by being too supportive of them. On the third hand, sometimes there's this pang of fear that we might simply be a bit too messed up for each other, and that we'll just be investing time and emotional energy into messing each other up even worse.

Any thoughts welcome, thanks.

[girl68]

Do you know what you're getting into with a catholic girl?

[santosfebres]

What do you mean?

No sex before marriage, similar strictness in other areas of life as well, and so on?

Catholicism is the norm here, so "a Catholic girl" doesn't necessarily carry as much meaning as it perhaps does overseas. "Catholic all-girl school" does, but if I had to oanalyze (which I'm trying to stop myself from doing), I'd say her choice of school is more of a reaction to bad previous experiences (bullied in elementary school, her father being an ass), than an expression of extreme religiousness as such. That's what I meant saying it's hard to tell cause from consequence.

[smackie9]

Sex is a pleasure and there should be no shame or guilt in it. Just keep doing what you are doing....just keep exploring each other. The more you do it the more you both will get comfortable with it. Keep the communication open with her, let her know you care about her and will be patient.

[Elle23]

Its hard when you have two people in similarly difficult situations. It seems like you are ready for sex and she just isn't there yet. If you love her and you can wait for her to be ready then you should stay together. But if you are more interested in the sex then you shouldn't be with her.

Also when you start a new relationship its not your job to try to fix the other person. So don't take on that role. Relationships are about equal give and take from each partner.

I also hope this doesn't sound morbid but I wouldn't recommend you two to stay together because it just seems too hard. I'm sure you both have low self esteem because the sex thing just hasn't happened yet for either of you. It may be best to find someone to be with where sex only has positive attributes not negative ones.

I hope this helped.

[bloodtippedrose]

You're over-thinking it all. Don't think about how 'messed up' the two of you seem, if you like hanging around her then enjoy it. Obviously you know not to pressure her, but we all know you're going to have to be the one to push the envelope when it feels right (aka after your both horny from tons of foreplay) You guys both want it, sex isn't going to complicate your relationship it will probably make it stronger, just go with your gut feelings and if you feel uneasy being around her then call it quits.

[Boisdevie]

If she is uncomfortable with you touching her then it sounds llike she has problems. I would try to find someone who has no such hang ups