I have a hard time to "keep" friends. Tips please!

[whateverno]

Hi everyone,

I am 23 years old and I am a bit fed up of being not satisfied with my friends. I grew up being more or less a reject at school even if I had a couple of friends. Actually, I was friend with most of the people at different times, but the relations never lasted.

Now, I am at college and I realise that I am picky when it comes to friend; I do not want to hang out with my old friends, because I think they do not like me anymore. I also have that feeling at my job place; to feel that as soon as something bad happens, people will stop liking me. There is also the fact that I always want to have a lot of friends; therefore, I hang out with a lot of people and I "try" to have a relation with potential friends.

I am a very susceptible person (probably coming from the situation mentioned earlier) and as soon as a small incident occurs, I have the feeling that my friends do not like me anymore. In a way, I say to myself "look, they probably don't like you anymore, so you should start to avoid them before they start to avoid you, it will look better." However, I must say that this situation usually happens with normal friends (not best friends or very good friends), which is still very bad since my "normal friends" are usually the ones with who I go out and have fun; geographically it is like this unfortunately.

That is a situation that happens a lot and I am tired of it. Do not get me wrong, I have some very very good friends (like maybe 2...one having left for another country....) with who I have a "normal relationship" with no problems usually. Nonetheless, I am REALLY FED UP of that situation of worrying a lot of what my friends think of me and that they do not like me anymore. I am VERY SUCEPTIBLE and I cannot hide it. Most of the times I am worried for NOTHING and I paranoi!

You guys (girls) have any tips on what I could do to be happier with friends without being so suceptible


Thank you

[vashti]

I think you should distinguish between what you call "friend" and acquaintances. Most adults really only have a few friends, and lots of acquaintances, because as we get a little older, we start being more discerning about who we want to waste our time with.

[whateverno]

Hi think you are right. A lot of them are acquaintances. I realise that, as you say, I became a lot picky on my friends.

[Regnent]

I agree wholeheartedly with vashti. An honest to god friend is about as common as a soulmate. Technically, that's what I think friends are in all honesty.

I think alot of people feel.. lacking because they try to label everyone they have any sort of contact with as a friend.
Truth is, most people are -not- your friends. Don't bother trying to make them friends, or worry about what they think or feel outside of being something to hang out with and enjoy yourself in matched company.
You goto the bar with your bar bud. You bullshit with your co-workers, etc. But it's nothing more.

You expect some sort of emotional transaction with a friend, and that isn't something you get out of buds.
Regardless of whether you need the extra emotional activity or not, just expecting it will leave you feeling down.

I've only ever had one or two friends at any point in my life, and sometimes, I don't even talk to them for 6 months at a time. But I trust them, and I care for them regardless.

[whateverno]

Thank you,

I agree more with what you say. I think that probably I was expecting too much of some situations.

According to you guys, what are the characteristics of a good friend ?

Thanks again!

[Regnent]

There is no 'list'. It depends on you, and them.

Regardless, it's a two way street. You need trust, and healthy interaction.