About to get engaged... nervous energy

[25MN]

I'm looking for perspective here...

Okay, I'm on the verge of getting engaged to my g/f of three years. I have cold feet about the whole thing, but I know it's a good thing, and am looking forward to being with her forever.

What worries is that as I approach the proposal, I see myself thinking about other girls a lot more. At an outing with a bunch of friends, while drunk, I ended up touching a female aquaintance's chest, no kissing, making out, sex, sleeping together or the like, just brief touching and talking. I feel like this is just me getting something out of my system before committing fully to my girlfriend, but I can't help but feel really bad about the whole thing.

After this, I've been feeling more sure about proposing that I ever have previously, which makes me think I'm just getting the last of my horny young male out of me. Am I making sense?

[sfalexi]

It's common for guys to want a last fling. But I'd take the time to make sure that that is ALL it is. Keep in mind that once proposed and affianced, this IS a direct promise that you will be vowing to be completely faithful until death do you part. Are you SURE you can last that long, tiger?

[25MN]

It's common for guys to want a last fling. But I'd take the time to make sure that that is ALL it is. Keep in mind that once proposed and affianced, this IS a direct promise that you will be vowing to be completely faithful until death do you part. Are you SURE you can last that long, tiger?

She attempted to take things further quite a few times, and I thwarted all the attempts. I just feel bad with myself that I responded to the bare-breasted invitation in such a "typically male" fashion. I'm certain that it largely due to the still-increasing intoxication of us both, the group having just returned home from the bar. I'm very glad that my hands didn't stray anywhere else and they only stayed where they were for not even a minute.

I'm very sure I can keep it down (no pun intended) once engaged. This having happened, I'm more certain to propose than ever. I suppose getting to have my hands on one last pair o' boobs convinced me that I dont' need any more than the two I have.

[sfalexi]

Perhaps next time you don't let yourself get in that situation. You obviously were at some private gathering of some sort and alone with another girl while intoxicated. There's a lot of points during that that you could have stopped and said, "Hmmm . . . this could lead to trouble . . . "

If you feel comfortable, go ahead. I can't stop you. But I know that for me personally, I wouldn't have gotten that far even if she was just "my girlfriend". Personally, I just don't think that you seem ready.

Alexi

[25MN]

Your point is well-taken. I suppose it was the flattery of the whole thing, knowing that someone saw me as that desirable that kept me around her longer than was appropriate. (it's worth noting, this was a quick thing, not a night-long encounter or anything like that. The whole touching incident was probably 30 seconds long, then I was outta there) It definitely was poor decision making on my part to not withdraw from the situation earlier; with my previous experience with alcohol and girls, I certainly know better. I guess it just made feel good to know that I've still "got it" to use a cliche, even though I don't need "it".

I really feel like it was steam blowin off, as I've no desire for anything from anyone but my g/f. I know that she's the one for me. This definitely was an abberation for me, with a 0% chance of repeat.

Am I making sense?

[ltj5253]

what you need to realize before you even think about this is:

this will be the only one vagina you will have for the rest of your life
all of your shit, everything, is now 50% hers
you will never be able to hit on or look at another woman around her, ever
she will try to control you, if not already

[ltj5253]

if you can totally accept all of those things without even a thought, then my friend, marriage is for you. and dont forget, theres a lot more than that. thats just the basics.

[sfalexi]

I really feel like it was steam blowin off, as I've no desire for anything from anyone but my g/f. I know that she's the one for me. This definitely was an abberation for me, with a 0% chance of repeat.

You say that now. Because right now, you're sober, probably at home or somewhere alone, without the temptation of a good-looking girl. It's easy to say you wouldn't cheat when there's nothing around to cheat with, but how are you going to handle it when the situation ACTUALLY arises again? Because you're GOING to be somewhere where some chick is into you. How will you feel THEN? In whatever state of mind you're in at THAT point?

Alexi

[jakki2903]

You say that now. Because right now, you're sober, probably at home or somewhere alone, without the temptation of a good-looking girl. It's easy to say you wouldn't cheat when there's nothing around to cheat with, but how are you going to handle it when the situation ACTUALLY arises again? Because you're GOING to be somewhere where some chick is into you. How will you feel THEN? In whatever state of mind you're in at THAT point?

Alexi

I would never dream of doing anything with anyone of the opposite sex - I only have eyes for my boyfriend and I love him deeply.

How can you have even looked at another girl? Let alone fondled! I think you need to get something out of your system. Marriage is a life long commitment and the fact you even touched someone else is a massively bad sign! Girls and guys are different yes - but do u realise how much this would hurt your girlfriend? You'd probably lose her. This is what winds me up about men / and women (I guess) are you really willing to chuck away your entire future for one night with some girl u barely know? We all like to feel attractive - doesn't mean we'd touch others if we were thinking of committing ourselves like that.

I think you need to wake up and re evaluate. Like the previous posts - it's life - not just for xmas and it isn't that easy to just walk away!!

[25MN]

Well, I've opted to take the high road on this one and talked to my girlfriend about my stupidity the other night. Suffice it to say I'm in trouble, but she's willing to forgive me, but not for free. I have a lot of work to do to convince her I'm serious about wanting to be with her, but I'm doing it. I do feel a weight off my shoulders having come clean, and I'm glad the idiot kid in me can finally be exercised.

Thank you guys for your valuable input.

[sfalexi]

Glad to hear you came clean about it. Good luck and take this time (whatever you have to do to convince her) to think hard about it and make sure that you are ready for the big step.

[25MN]

Thanks for the encouraging words! Things are good right now. I've told the "other" girl I can never see her and her group of friends again. Knowing that my girlfriend has forgiven me has made me feel so much closer to her; I screwed up, and she looked past it to all the times that I didn't. Things will be very good.