He doesn't want me

[ljoh]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years but ever since we moved into our own house last year, our sex life has gone downhill.
We only ever have sex if I initiate it and even then I sometimes feel like he still doesn't want me. I've talked to him countless times about it and have tried to get him to open up and tell me what he would enjoy me doing in the bedroom but he just closes up and seems embarrassed to discuss it.
The last time we spoke about it I told him that it really upsets me because it makes me feel unattractive and unwanted and he sincerely apologised for neglecting me in that way and promised that he would make an effort. This was a couple of months ago and things haven't improved, we've only had sex once and again it was me who initiated it.
It really gets to me because everything else in our relationship is fine, I love him very much and we still have fun but I don't understand why he won't try and make an effort if he knows it upsets me. He says he is still attracted to me and I believe him but I've never been with a man so uninterested in sex, we're only in our twenties but it feels like we've been married for 30 years. I've given up trying but I don't see how we can have a proper adult relationship without sex. Any suggestions?

[ralary]

buy something hot to attract him,if he is still no reaction,talk with him.

[ljoh]

I've tried this, dug out my suspenders and everything but I think it just makes him feel like im putting pressure on him to get a reaction if you know what I mean?

[nymphomaniac]

A little more info..
How is his performance in the sack?
Does he seem very experienced or not very experienced?
(you can tell by if he can make you cum a lot)
If you want more from him and he is not giving it up, does it seem like his lack of interest is due to most of his energy going into other areas of his life like work, creativity or socializing, or does he seem bored the majority of the time?
He could actually get off on extreme things and have some psychological kinks which he feels uncomfortable sharing with you. It is not uncommon for some to get sexually aroused by things like domination or submission, animals, turds etc.
Sometimes a lack of interest in sex can actually be boredom with vanilla sex.

[ljoh]

I know he's been with a lot of other women before me, his performance isn't anything mind blowing but I would say the sex is good when we do have it.
Sometimes he says he's tired from work but his job isn't strenuous so i think this is probably an excuse as he can't be tired all the time.
I think you're probably right about him feeling uncomfortable sharing with me what gets him off but I don't know how to fix that. I've asked him to tell me and im willing to try anything that will make our sex life better but he just doesn't open up to me.

[nymphomaniac]

You can usually find out what gets him off by the type of porn he watches.

Another thing could be he frequents hookers and has his sexual needs fulfilled and only wants company from you. If this is the case then I know I would be getting my pleasure elsewhere.. But if you want to troubleshoot this and discover what is behind his sexual disinterest then I would start spending less time with him.

Don't give him your company if he's not going to pound you.

[ljoh]

I know he isn't going elsewhere for sex, i trust him enough to be certain about that. It's hard not to spend time with someone when you live with them but im hoping that if i look like im becoming less interested he might start to tke a bit more notice. Thanks for your advice.

[sweetkissesforu]

I know he isn't going elsewhere for sex, i trust him enough to be certain about that. It's hard not to spend time with someone when you live with them but im hoping that if i look like im becoming less interested he might start to tke a bit more notice. Thanks for your advice.

trust me this wont work it could be a medical prob also

[nymphomaniac]

I know he isn't going elsewhere for sex, i trust him enough to be certain about that. It's hard not to spend time with someone when you live with them but im hoping that if i look like im becoming less interested he might start to tke a bit more notice. Thanks for your advice.

Just my thoughts, not the end word.
Communication is always the key to better sex.
If nothing improves you may need to buy a toy for yourself.

[SelflessnHumble]

Question(s) for you:

(1) When you first got together: when was the first time you had sex, and after that, how often did you have sex? What was the ratio as to who initiated sex in relation to how many times per month?
(2) While I would argue sex isn't everything: to you it is more important than it is to him...

Since you've already spoken to him: (which is good) what you did after is not good.
See, you don't reevaluate the sex 2 months down the road! Of course you're upset about the sex!

In a healthy sexual relationship: (and in his twenties?) He should be giving it to you at least 4 times a day, minimum! Yeah.
Depending the distances of where you two work: I've even give it to you on your lunch break too!

Of course: I have to ask (not for my perceived shallowness) have you gained any weight, or changed your appearance? Has he?

There is a reason for why this is happening...Most common answer: he's doing someone else, although it doesn't sound like it, but it's possible, right?
I mean how often do you see each other? Does he stay at work late? Do you?

[Kaius]

Well, men usually start to lose interest when you move in with him. The access is too easy, and it gets boring.
If you want a relationship to last, don't smother each other. There is no issue with either of you, individually.
When a guy starts living a married life before he is ready to settle down, his penis loses interest.

[SelflessnHumble]

Well, men usually start to lose interest when you move in with him. The access is too easy, and it gets boring.
If you want a relationship to last, don't smother each other. There is no issue with either of you, individually.
When a guy starts living a married life before he is ready to settle down, his penis loses interest.

??? Being with someone is a trial for marriage, live in or not.
If he isn't ready for that? He should have opened his mouth. =Again, it's a coward's move to stay silent.

A penis will lose interest regardless of setting if it's used to getting a nice assortment of vagina.

[Mr. Turtle]

I know he's been with a lot of other women before me, his performance isn't anything mind blowing but I would say the sex is good when we do have it.

If he is serious about the relationship, HE CAN SENSE THIS!!!! If you arent feeling satisfied, its a mortifying thing to a guy who really wants to be with you. My recommendation is to talk a little dirty, i.e, subtle complaint about how you are really [however you put it] and do it in a way that is passive. Then show up at his job and do the deed and when its done, say something encouraging and try to go at it again.

This could be nothing more than a mere confidence issue he is having. I know I have them and its tough. Good guys dont want to feel inadequate because in this world today, sex tends to be a major deal breaker just like finances.

[ljoh]

Question(s) for you:

(1) When you first got together: when was the first time you had sex, and after that, how often did you have sex? What was the ratio as to who initiated sex in relation to how many times per month?
(2) While I would argue sex isn't everything: to you it is more important than it is to him...

Our relationship started basically from what i thought was going to be a one night stand to be honest but we saw more of eachother and eventually that grew into a relationship. The sex was great when we first got together, i don't remember how many times we did it but it was often and enough and it was always both of us who used to initiate it.

Neither of us has changed physically, if anything i've tried harder with my appearance in case this was the problem.
Neither of us work late either, i know he isn't seeing someone else as he always comes home after work and i know he would never do that too me.

If he is serious about the relationship, HE CAN SENSE THIS!!!! If you arent feeling satisfied, its a mortifying thing to a guy who really wants to be with you.

I never said i wasn't satisfied, just because he isn't an absolute pro in the sack doesn't mean im not happy with the sex when we do have it. For me its more about being close to someone in that way whether you get off or not. I understand what you mean about confidence issues and maybe this is the case with him but i've never given him a reason to think he's bad in bed, because he's not.

[xxazurexx]

I think that after being together for 2 years, you can't expect that he will feel a desire to bang you every day and night of the week like it was in the beginning and when it was all 'new'...
I've actually find that happen in ALL of my relationships and after being together for a long time - the sex did dwindle. Not to the point of non existence.....just not as regular as it had been in the beginning.

In my marriage it was no biggie for me though and because regardless of sex not happening as frequent as it once did, I knew that it was me that he still wanted to be with and everything else in the relationship was 'good'.

I mean for me and my ex hubby, sometimes it could be once a week, or once every two weeks, lol. But it worked for us...it might not have for another couple.

How often do you have sex currently? How often would you like for it to happen?