Help a poor love sick guy

[idontknow]

I met a girl at varsity and for some strange reason i fell in love with her from the first night i met her. (strange, cause in 22 years of being on planet earth, i have never fallen this hard for a girl). She however, still had some issues with her ex and i supose issues with dating in general and made it clear from the begining that she was looking for a good 'friend' (how awful that word sounds ) and wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone at that stage. At the same time she was also one of those girls who had a bit of a reputation... Soon however things started getting a bit weird, she said and did things that made me think she wanted more, but other times she made it perfectly clear she only wanted friendship. We even made out twice... (which is a lot if you are ONLY friends). She new perfectly well how I felt about her. We spent so much time with eachother that even her friends thought we were going out. We also had quite a few fights, mostly about her and other guys. None of my friends liked her, mostly due to her 'reputation', but (and I suppose most people will only laugh and say i feel this way because i'm in love with the girl) there's a difference between judging a person on what other say about her, and actually spending every single day with her and getting to know the real her. I suppose thats why I could never move on(I tried 4 times. :lol:) and partly because I hoped she would admit to liking me as more than a friend. ( I asked her and she said that she cared about me a lot, which i supose was probably obvious from some of her actions)

Now I'm leaving varsity and she's staying for another year. Last night I spoke to her on the phone and for the first time we were totally honest with eachother and I explained why certain things bothered me in the past and she apoligized for the things she had done in the past and said she cared a lot about me and was afraid if she was 100% honest with me in the past I would have ended our friendship. (For example: she didn't tell me she was in love with another guy [until after I found out], cause she knew I would have ended the friendship, which i would have done :lol: )

How can I get over this girl? I don't want to end any ties between us, because I know our friendship is important to her and because I realy care about her. If she starts going out with some guy next year, I'm not going to hang around and pretend to be happy for her and still keep on phoning her and answering her phone calls and messages. Even though I know she cares about me, she still has some issues and I know a relationship between us would never work. but at the same time there's this little hopeful voice at the back of my head which keeps on saying: "Wait until she's a bit older and decides what/who she wants in life and maybe then you'll be together". I want to remain in contact with her incase somewhere down the line our paths cross again and things are different. I know this isn't the right thing to do.

how can i forget about her or get over my feellings for her?

[turbomx3]

Personally me and my girl finished about two weeks ago and one of the things i've learnt is that if someone wishes to be with you they A: don't give some bull about loving someone else whilst with you as it shows a selfish attitude within that person and a lack of respect to you (a onme way trip to being in that persons position at some point).
B: The comment of being friends is based on her needs and her wants what do you want?
C: You sound like the kind of person who is humouring the girl because your worrying about her I guess thats your choice but she isn't your responsibility!

Also i've noticed in your closing paragraph there's statements like: I know our friendship is important to her, If she starts going out with, She still has some issues. At some point you got to think about yourself rather than the other person. When she was with the other guy she was thinking about herself i'm sure whilst she was doing her thing with him she didn't stop and say oh dear maybe I shouldn't because I'm with this new guy! You said in your first paragraph that: "there's a difference between judging a person on what other say about her, and actually spending every single day with her and getting to know the real her". You pretty much have found out the real her how she was is how she is! Thats a powerful sign showing her charater if YOU want be friends if you want to rather than worry about if she wants to.

Also don't hold your breath regarding her changing, theres alot of truth regarding a leopard changing it's spots especially if it doesn't truly want to!

[idontknow]

Yeah, I know your right. It's just so hard to accept that someone will probably never change even though you yourself think you can be the one who makes them. I supose i shouldn't flatter myself

She didn't go out with the other guy. They just made out once and she liked him, but he didn't feel the same towards her. But still, the whole time she was liking this other guy, she still complained about me not giving her enough attention and even asked me once, when was I gonna kiss her again. The thought that goes through your head is, WTF?! I supose she just wants her bread buttered on both sides. I wasn't allowed to say anything when she made out with other guys, but when I made out with a girl she got really upset. Even going out with a girl for coffee, made her angry. So yes, she has Issues.

Thats why my friends thought i was crazy, cause I took all this bull from her. The thing is, when i was alone with her (Watching movies, going to the beach, shopping malls ect. ) everything felt so perfect. And even though she did all these things, i could still see that she cared. Hehe, I know it sounds funny, but i can't explain it.

But I have to admit (as i said in my 1st post) it was more a case of me wanting her to aknowledge the fact that she cared about me (i didn't want to be the feel-good-guy), rather that wanting to go out with her. Cause i knew how dificult it was being only friends.. Going out with her would've been so much harder.

To be totally honest with myself, I know it will never work. Now i just need to get over her... Cause I know I won't be able to be just friends. If I meet someone new, I still won't be able to be friends with her. The reason why i say this is because, when we were friends we were basically a couple. We cuddled when we whatched movies. Made out. Had lunch together ect. So when one of us starts going out with someone new, we obviously can't do those things anymore, so what foundations do we have for a friendship?

[turbomx3]

Let me tell you this when I was young I was a player just like her! But I did decide to change but the change wasn't over night it was over the course of 4 maybe 5 girlfriends I got hurt a few times but I wanted to change so I carried on.

She doesn't! She goes with other guys and all that, you go for coffee and get blasted. I'm not being rude but she's playing you! You figured she'd change for you why should she? You see yourself as being special she see's you as another dude to chase her!

The thing is you were friends and knew how she was and you openly accepted it so you can't really bitch about it! You can tell her you don't wanna see her and she'll probably give all the lines which I did when I was a young player! But understand this she may like you, even love you in some weird way but she definetly isn't going to change for you!

Listen to your friends because they will give advice based on what they see without any kind of devious plot! two of the thoughts we had when we were younger was treat a hoe like a hoe and a lady like a lady.

And you can't turn a hoe into a housewife.

Don't mean to direspect any females out there but for me to become how I am now is totally opposite from how I was but as I said it was a long ass haul to even get to where I am now but I wanted to change. Let her go hang with your friends leave her to kiss who she wants! Because at the moment she treating you like meat! Harsh advice but i'm just being honest!

[idontknow]

Yeah, i supose i only wanted to hear from someone else what i allready knew. I'm just so damn glad i'm leaving varsity, cause i don't know how I would have handled spending another year with her. The weird thing is, even her best friend warned me against her (at the begining of our relationship), but i didn't listen...

She wants me to come and see her this holidays, I want to, but i know it will be better just to end any comunication. But I can't just start ignoring her phone calls or text messages and I've allready tried to end our friendship 5 times, so it feels kind of redicuolous explaining myself to her again. I supose i will just have to start calling and messaging her less, until I eventualy get over her.

But yeah, it was more a case of me hoping that all the stories about her, were just stories and that she would change for me. I was gonna be the one person who didn't spend time with her, cause I thought she was easy, but because I wanted to be with her. Supose I was being a bit naive.

How else are you gonna learn if you don't hit a bump in the road now and then (even if the bump feels more like a mountain ) At least now I'll know to trust my instincts from the begining and to get to know someone before i fall head over heels.

[turbomx3]

You got it! Life is one long learning curve the thing you have to be sure of is that you constantly learn. As you said trust your friends they pretty much will never purposly steer you wrong and choose your friends carefully cause she would (not that your going to give her the chance) be a bad friend also trust those instincts and steer clear of girls like that and especially watch out for those girls who have a guy and then dump him to be with you although you would feel like you won something the chances are she'd do it to you! You tried to break of the friendship 5 times that is lot of attempts . Anway good luck with whatever you do after varsity you go make you mark on the world!