Am I Totally Wrong? Will He Come Back?

[JustInTime]

OK, long story short...

My bf and I were madly in love (or so I thought) and just moved in together.

A girl he works with started hitting on and flirting with him relentlessly right in front of me. He played into it because she is his boss. We talked and joked about this, and he never once excluded me from any activity where she was present, told her he wanted to marry me, etc. But one day, after witnessing the two of them go back and fourth, it really got to me.

So, I went snooping through his stuff and found out some things from the past that he had lied about. The things I found out wouldn't have been a big deal to me, we weren't even together when they happened...BUT he went out of his way to maintain the elaborate lie. I had my things I didn't tell him too, so out came ALL of the secrets. He was furious I went through his stuff (rightfully so), and at my secrets from the past. I was furious at him for lying about a past lover, and for flirting so hard with someone else in front of me.

We fought constantly about this for 2-3 whole weeks!!! RIGHT before this happened we were talking about marriage and head over heels crazy for each other!

I kept thinking we'd work through it, put it behind us, and be happy again. He didn't want to. He broke up with me, said he "needed space", was no longer "in love" with me, needed to "find himself", etc.

I'm shocked! This is a guy who said forever more than I did. He was the one who was planning our wedding, doing everything a guy who is totally in love with you does. And ALL that gone for THIS! He's second guessing his decision now...said he was angry and may have made a mistake, is thinking of having separate apartments but remaining a couple. But he keeps saying time apart and space will make him fall back in love with me, or rekindle that spark.

WTF? Do you guys have any idea where his head is at? Should I hold out hope or just detach altogether? We are also living together at the moment as well and will have to for another month. He is starting to act like his old self again too...petting me, staring into my eyes for long amounts of time, having regular sex and cuddling, etc.

So confused...

[smackie9]

OK I'm an old veteran of relationships and I will tell you this.....good honest communication is key to keeping a relationship healthy for the long haul. In order to build trust.....no more secrets. You should have been open and honest with each other at the beginning of your relationship. No one likes to hear the dirty details of one's past, but you can't fight about it if you want each other to come clean. Now that the laundry is out on the line, maybe he feels relieved that everything is out in the open.

You want to know what's going on in his head? You shouldn't be asking a bunch of strangers on a forum, you should be asking him yourself. Like I said, good honest communication......hell if you are planning on marriage you better start learning that now or you will fail this relationship.

[blv]

agreed. take this as a lesson for eachother. make this the start of a new and completely conscious and honest relationship. make this the point where you really decide what the two of you want. no better time then when everything is out. go through it all together and keep control of yourselves. watch your thoughts and emotions while talking it over. dont get pulled into them. keep love and what is best for you both at the forefront. like smakie said, honest communication.

[blv]

also, if you cant work it out dont force it. let eachother go if you have to