Please don't crucify me.

[CMac1984]

This is such a hard topic to write about, because one side of me feels incredibly justified and one side of me feels incredibly selfish.

My wife and I have been married for 4 years, and we got married when both of us were in college. We made it though our last two years, both of us with our noses stuck in books, and now we're out in the "real world."

Well. My wife is not one to enjoy walking or running or working out, and in the collegiate environment, it was alright. Now, though, it seems that every time we turn around she's gained another 5 pounds and gone up in pants size and all of that. She doesn't care. There is no incentive for her to care, and frankly doing something about it is uncomfortable for her. We're married now, right? I have to accept her as she is, regardless.

I'm really skiddish about saying something, though, because she is in fact physically less and less desirable as she gains weight, but I can come across as extremely narrow-minded or pig-headed or, yes, selfish if I were to talk to her about it. In fact, I may even hurt her feelings so much so that it is irreparable or at least very hard to repair.

And then there's the whole question...do I even have a right to say something? I mean, it's 'till death do us part, and the "D"- word has never ever entered our marriage even once.

But how do I talk to her about this? I hope I am only coming across and sincere and honest, and...honestly, I really would appreciate the help.

Thanks all.

[sweetkissesforu]

[url=http://www.livestrong.com/article/71197-motivate-wife-lose-weight/]How To Motivate Your Wife To Lose Weight | LIVESTRONG.COM[/url]
When you do bring up the subject use possitive statements

[CMac1984]

Thanks. Anyone else...maybe from personal experience (either the guy or the girl)??

[Ric]

Remember that SHE is the problem, not you. By not caring for how she looks and her health she makes the first big mistake towards an unhealthy marriage.

[sweetkissesforu]

Remember that SHE is the problem, not you. By not caring for how she looks and her health she makes the first big mistake towards an unhealthy marriage.

We all should be as judgmental as that my god she may have had a few children maybe she feels unconditional love from her husband

[CMac1984]

Well, 1) I do love her unconditionally. 2) We don't have kids. It just seems like there's no excuse for it now, but I don't know how to present that to her in a loving way.

[Ric]

We all should be as judgmental as that my god she may have had a few children maybe she feels unconditional love from her husband

Just going by what he told us. There seems to be no reason for her to get fatter. She doesn't care about doing something about it (or is uncomfortable with that as the post says).
Yes, unconditional love is good. If my girlfriend or wife got fat, it doesn't mean I'd instantly leave her. However, I'd talk to her about it, find the exact cause. If she gets fat simply because she eats too much and doesn't care, yeah... I'd break up with her.
Is that because of what she looks like? No. There is way more than physical attraction or lack thereof. It is the personality trait of not caring for yourself and not caring for your relationship. A relationship requires effort throughout the whole relationship, not just the beginning.
I don't want to be with someone who changes like that after being nice and settled.

[Sunnybeach7]

Is she depressed? Possibly has some health problem that is creating this weight?

I don't think there is truly any way to discuss this with her without hurting her. No matter what you say, she is going to know that you don't find her attractive. That would be the only point you would say anything in the first place.

Is there any way you can get her engaged in any other active hobby? Buy her a Wii or something? Offer to do some of the cooking and serve up lean, healthy meals? Make meal suggestions?

If you do say anything to her, make sure you use "I" statements and not "you" statements... "I really liked it when we used to work out together", as apposed to "You don't do anything but eat now"...

[Ric]

Well, he doesn't have to bring up the point of physical attraction. He can mention he is worried about her health and worried about the reason she isn't caring for herself.

[Sunnybeach7]

Just going by what he told us. There seems to be no reason for her to get fatter. She doesn't care about doing something about it (or is uncomfortable with that as the post says).
Yes, unconditional love is good. If my girlfriend or wife got fat, it doesn't mean I'd instantly leave her. However, I'd talk to her about it, find the exact cause. If she gets fat simply because she eats too much and doesn't care, yeah... I'd break up with her.
Is that because of what she looks like? No. There is way more than physical attraction or lack thereof. It is the personality trait of not caring for yourself and not caring for your relationship. A relationship requires effort throughout the whole relationship, not just the beginning.
I don't want to be with someone who changes like that after being nice and settled.

If that was really true, you should have no regrets if someone leaves you because you start balding, or have any other problems. What you are talking about is not true and unconditional love. Unconditional love loves someone for exactly what they are, flaws, mistakes and all.

Are you a young guy? Sooner or latter you will learn that nearly all women will get fatter and uglier as they age...unless they are those "naturally" thin types that can eat all they want. I would bet you would not complain to a woman like that for her eating habits as long as she is attractive to you... that's not love.

[Ric]

If that was really true, you should have no regrets if someone leaves you because you start balding, or have any other problems. What you are talking about is not true and unconditional love. Unconditional love loves someone for exactly what they are, flaws, mistakes and all.

Are you a young guy? Sooner or latter you will learn that nearly all women will get fatter and uglier as they age...unless they are those "naturally" thin types that can eat all they want. I would bet you would not complain to a woman like that for her eating habits as long as she is attractive to you... that's not love.

There's a huge difference between natural changes or changes because a person didn't care.
Unconditional love is a moronic idea. Unconditional love makes people unhappy. I've known many people who truly loved their partner despite their many flaws. However, despite their love they weren't happy. Not happy because they weren't being true to themselves over what they want.

[Kaius]

It is the womans responsibility to stay fit and attractive. She needs to slim down so you would desire her. She needs to keep healthy so she doesnt die of a heart attack at an early age and leave you all alone. There is much responsibility to being a wife. You need to tell her to lose weight because you dont want the marriage to be affected.

[qwertz]

Hmmmm, why does everyone pussyfoot around this? Just tell her she has put on weight and that for her health and wellbeing it would be a good idea if she lost some.

[oneandonly]

Hmmmm, why does everyone pussyfoot around this? Just tell her she has put on weight and that for her health and wellbeing it would be a good idea if she lost some.

Agreed.

If you think she doesn't have a motive to keep fit cos she's settled with a husband, by the same token, she won't leave you cos you said the truth. If I were her, I would be shocked that I did not notice to the point my hubby had to mention it.

[HeartIsAching]

It is the womans responsibility to stay fit and attractive. She needs to slim down so you would desire her. She needs to keep healthy so she doesnt die of a heart attack at an early age and leave you all alone. There is much responsibility to being a wife. You need to tell her to lose weight because you dont want the marriage to be affected.

That's just about the stupidest thing I've ever read on here.