cheating

[SelflessnHumble]

look you mug , actually piss off . im sick of you people ? i had never done anything like before, dont judge me , you dont even know me , im human and i made a huge mistake , i feel sick thinking about it , i havent been more sorry about anything in my life, if your the perfect human that has never made a mistake ? then judge all you want friend

Usually when the OP gets very angry: it means what I said hit home. Stings doesn't it?

You want points because prior to this you were a good boy?
The fact is: No one judged you (look the word up)
What did I do? Posted my observation of what you did.

Did you ask for advice?
Or did you want everyone to coddle you?

I don't need to know a murderer if he chooses to pull the trigger, do I?
Likewise I don't need to get to know you: when you stepped over the line without hesitation.
It tells me you don't deserve your girlfriend and hopefully she wises up and realizes what you did: is (usually a sign) indicative of what is to come.
You think relationships get easier as time goes on?

Of course I'm not perfect.
But when I cheated (many many many times) I did the same thing you did. Get all butthurt and out of control because your defense tells me you're refusing to see what you have done:
and what IT has done to your girlfriend I can only assume you love (since you only mentioned the fact she "really" loves you) <----------Zero mention of your love for her! (telling, isn't it?)

Moving forward I took responsibility for my actions and owned up to it.
If I had cheated on my girl, then come here for advice: I deserve (within reason) about what would be said about a man's character that willingly chooses to SHIT on his relationship with his woman.

Judge=a finalized conclusion.
Observation=basing an informed opinion about YOUR behavior as to what you had done... (meaning it can be changed) based on you (hopefully) realizing how wrong you were.
Next time with the next girl: be a man and tell your woman the truth you don't want to be with her in a committed relationship.

Then you can go from gal to gal without having to deal with a hurt girlfriend.

[SelflessnHumble]

thats the thing but. I have a hatred for cheating , Its happend to me so many times , That is why i hate myself so much , i feel as if i dont deserve to live anymore i am so angry at myself after being against it so much, i am stump on what to do

This is what you should have said, but still, you said it here...better late than never right?

(1) Don't hate yourself, just despise what you had done: what was done to you before. You know it hurts.
(2) You deserve to live dude. It's not that big of a deal wanting to die. You made a mistake. Mistakes actually happen.

What to do?

(1) Take responsibility and accountability for your actions: not B-laming alcohol (like everyone else does)
(2) Once you've owned up to it in your mind: you address your feelings/thoughts and emotions to your woman (regardless how she is going to react) and regardless if she decides to take you back or not...

Sit her down, and say, "(her name)....look, No matter what happens (look her deeply in the eye and speak in a low, calm tone)
"I just want you to know how ashamed and disappointed I am in touching another woman the other night..."
"I know what it feels like to have your partner you confide in breach your trust by touching another person and there is NO excuse for my behavior that night."
"I'm not asking you to forgive me....I'm asking you to look me in the eye and just understand that I made the worst possible choice in hurting you and for that? I am sincerely, and deeply sorry for that."

Then say, "Since I don't expect you to up and forgive me...I will give you some much needed space so you can figure out in your mind what you'd like to do about our future together."
Then say, "But please know that I regret what I did and now realize the consequences of my actions hurt the one I truly love and care about."

Then you go away. No hug, no kiss just say bye and leave: give her space and until she decides?
No clubbing, no drinking no nothing but waiting for her call. She will choose you if you are sincere.

If she does not?
She has every right NOT to want to be with you anymore.
And THIS is what you may have to live with.