Falling in love under terrible circumstances

[sparklenight]

I've been seeing my boyfriend for just over a month.

Everything was great but we had a problem on Valentines day where he couldn't maintain his erection for the second night running. I asked him if it was me and we ended up arguing with him calling me selfish etc etc.

We seemed to sort it out but since then he has been so distant. Taking hours to respond to me but when we have chatted on the phone he's said how he has done "f**k all at work and been bored" and he never compliments me anymore. Last Saturday we went out and he made a quip about how he flirts with the bar staff then in the middle of a theatre show he disappeared for fifteen minutes. Just left me sitting there in the middle of the show. Obviously...considering what he had said earlier, I think I had the right to be slightly put out.

Things got worse on Monday when I went to the Drs and found out I was 7 weeks pregnant. Not his, I think, but I've calculated and that would make conception 5 weeks ago when we first got together and I did sleep with my ex a few days before first sleeping with my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is 19 years older than me (I'm coming up 21 and he'll be 40 this year) and has a 15yr old son who keeps him busy with usual teenage angst so I haven't seen him since last Saturday and won't be able to see him until at least next Sunday due to having son (who I havent met).

I told my bf I was pregnant on Thursday because it was absolutely eating me up but at that point we had just assumed it must have been my ex's due to the dates. Overlooking the fact it's taken from your first date of period. I HAVEN'T mentioned this to my bf so as far as he knows there is no doubt that it is my ex's. My bf was GREAT about it. He calmed me down and when I told him I would want an abortion because I'm too young, he offered to come with me etc.

I've been an emotional wreck due to the pregnancy, and him being distant hasn't helped and yesterday I just snapped and sent him a text saying "I don't think we should speak for a little while. I need some thinking time. Sorry"

I regretted it straight away and now I don't know how to go about putting things right. I'm worried that maybe he's relieved and this is what he wants which is why he hasn't been in contact.

I know I shouldn't have sent a text but, like I said, it's difficult to see him at the minute and I just couldn't help it.

The worst thing is, I have seriously fallen for him and I've never felt this way about anyone. He just will not talk to me abut why he's been so distant, he'll mention different things like his son or work but won't tell me what's up. I don't know whether he is just making excuses or what but when we were talking the day after valentines day I made it clear in no uncertain circumstances that if any part of us wasn't working he had to tell me straight away so we could talk about it.

I feel like I'm stuck in limbo at the minute. Got a Drs appointment on Monday to discuss my options and I just want to pretend the last few weeks hasn't happened.

I can't stop crying and feeling sorry for myself!

What would you do????

[vashti]

His inability to maintain an erection isn't about you at all, and I am sure he is embarrassed about it. This is a normal part of aging for (a lot of) men, and this is just a sign that he is too old for you.

He probably is worried about the possibility that this baby MIGHT be his, which is why he is happy to help you abort it. Not many men his age are looking forward to being tied to a girl who is only a couple of years older than their child, which is what happens when you have babies. Your becoming pregnant has just shown him the dangers of sex with young girls and removed the fun aspect, turning it into something more serious.

My best guess is that once you have this abortion, he will call things off.

[reeba]

You definitely need a reality check. You are with a guy 19 years your elder for WHOLE 5 weeks, and you call him your bf? But just 6 weeks ago you were still effing your ex?

Unless you want to end up on the Montel show with their infamous paternity test episodes, with the whole audience calling you names as you guess the wrong guy as the baby daddy....you need to stop effing every guy you meet and then decide he is now your boyfriend. I believe the proper term for introducing these guys is not bf, but 'meet the dude that is my current eff'. And the proper term for you is not gf, but 'meet the idiot that is my current sperm dumpster'

At least you were honest with your current eff, by telling him he isn't the daddy. And I bet he is saying 'whew, that was a close one'. And yes I agree with Vashti, that you will soon be dumped by this guy.

Sorry I'm being so blunt, but I feel no sympathy for you. You are screwing up your life big time.