I need honesty.

[hereforhelp]

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 8 months and I know that he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

2 months into our relationship he told me that a girl he previously slept with was claiming to be pregnant with his child. He insisted that she was "crazy" and had fabricated the whole story in order to tear our relationship apart. I considered leaving him at that point but decided to stick around.

She is constantly harassing him via text message threatening to take him to court for child support, calling him names, calling me names, saying she is going to show up at his house, his moms house, my house... etc. I have no contact with her and was skeptical about all of this until he showed me a few of the texts she sent him. I have to agree that she is borderline psycho.

I have tried many times to start a conversation about the possibility of her actually being pregnant and get no where. I don't know her, so I am doing my best not to judge her but it's becoming increasingly difficult. I will ask my boyfriend "Have you heard from X recently?" and he'll brush it off with a vague answer like "Yea, same stuff as always" and change the topic.

Since he isnt forth coming with information and I feel threatened by this whole situation I have stooped as low as to snoop through his phone and read the texts that they send back and forth. She is constantly harassing him and calling both him and I names. It hurts my feelings that he doesn't stand up for me or just delete her from his phone. I don't understand why he keeps taking the harassment and responding too it.

I think if he stopped talking to her, she would stop contacting him.

Last night I read the messages on his phone for the first time in a few weeks and saw that she told him that she had given birth to the baby. He didnt inform me of any of this. I dont know if she's just playing with him and no child exists or she actually has a baby.

I think this is a conversation that my boyfriend and I need to be having on a constant basis and I've attempted to bring it up many times but I am at a loss now for how to go about it... The longer I put it off the more it bothers me. I'm hurt that he doesn't keep me updated on such important issues especially since I am the type who doesn't flip out and make irrational decisions.

How should I approach this? I love him dearly and will be on his side no matter what - I just want the honest truth from him.

[SelflessnHumble]

You'd like honesty? You're the first one to say that!

(1) Stop being selfish and delusional. While it may appear that this girl is a psycho-hose beast of death...Has it every occurred to you that the reason for harassing him is because SHE IS pregnant with his child??? (has he?)
(2) IF you truly love him and "know he's the one?" You will have to accept he may have a baby (his first born child) no less...with another woman! If not? Then he isn't the man for you.
(3) He is a piece of crap bloody coward plain and simple...You want to be with a little boy who can't take responsibility for his choices to have unprotected sex with his now ex??? What does that say about you? Ouch.

You want the truth? How?
He is unable to even give an ounce of merit/credibility to his ex that is obviously trying to get in touch with him for a reason.
If you are to stay with him...and a court orders a DNA test, and the results of this test concludes with an accuracy of 99.1% that HE is the father?
She is going to take his ass to the cleaners and that child support check is going to be taken out of your money...

If you are a good woman, and your man is the coward he seems to be: time to act.
Go to her. Talk to her. Maybe call her first and talk to her woman to woman.
You tell her that if she had the baby, and IF that baby is his: you will still stay by his side and support him no matter what. (say it with conviction) and look her in the eye.

You are actually an accessory to a dead beat father piece of shit by just sitting there doing nothing.
Time to either ACT or? Put your fingers back in your ears and yell out, "lalala."

[girl68]

He did sleep with her, he could have knocked her up. The fact he refuses to cut her out leads me to believe he has something to hide like he IS the father and he knows it.

Get a freggin' paternity test.

[xxazurexx]

It's probably true that she has had a baby. If it hadn't been true that she was pregnant, the novelty of saying she was pregnant would have worn off some time ago and I doubt she'd be still pestering him after all this time. He's still talking to her, so he probably knows it true also....he just doesn't want to admit it to you.

[hereforhelp]

I completely agree with both posts. I was hoping to solve this issue without an explosive fight but getting unbiased opinions on the situation has given me the nerve I need to speak up more - even if it does lead to a confrontation. Thank you for taking the time to reply!

[SelflessnHumble]

I completely agree with both posts. I was hoping to solve this issue without an explosive fight but getting unbiased opinions on the situation has given me the nerve I need to speak up more - even if it does lead to a confrontation. Thank you for taking the time to reply!

Check this out: in a loving, serious and meaningful committed relationship: did you know that it is possible to address your concerns WITHOUT having a fight nor a "confrontation?" Yes, it's true.
My girl and I do it all the time. Of course I had to show her and involve her so that she could understand that there is such a thing as open and honest communication.

Most people (when they are feeling attacked) get defensive, but some people when you step over their integrity feel threatened and will deflect from the issue: What is the issue?

(1) You are a whiny bitch because you keep on nagging him about this girl? Of course not.
(2) She is a psycho beast because she keeps bothering your perfect man. No, this isn't the issue either.

(3) A baby has been created and brought (without them choosing to) into this world because TWO immature boneheads wanted to have sex without knowing that sex is how babies are made.
(4) An immature, selfish, pompous, arrogant and narrow minded cowardly jerk off is refusing to acknowledge your concerns and his ex's possibly true allegations without finding out if they are true.

My money is on 3 and 4, not 1 and 2.

[Kaius]

In order to spend your life with someone, you have to completely trust him first. Honesty aside, he now has a child with another woman, things are gonna be different.
Are you two very young? If so, you shouldn't make any "forever" plans, because he is going to be tied up for the next 18 years.

[reeba]

Has it ever occurred to you the reason why he has not brought up the newborn child, is because he now knows it is his?'

Now by withholding this info, he is the liar. Not the girl you called 'psycho'.

[sadie_genie]

I don't think you should assume anything right now. Everyone here is assuming she is pregnant and he is a liar which is something that hasn't been proven yet. I think you should make another attempt to sit him down and talk to him. Tell him what you need from him is complete honesty and transparency about the situation. If he continue to insist she is a liar and she never had the baby, then you would just have to trust him. This is a man who you want to spend the rest of your life with so if he insists on the truth of things, you should TRUST him.