Recently broke up with my girlfriend... i'm so lost that i need guidance, please.

[mymy]

Friday last week my girlfriend and I had an emotional break up, she ended it. We dated for 3 years, and spent quite a bit of time together.

When she broke up with me she was balling her eyes out, it happened over the phone.

Some history prior - I started my own business about 2 years ago, and with any new start up there is a lot of work, and stress. I have poor time management and can't deal with stress very easily... this all conflicted with our relationship, I couldn't see her as much and there was always tension here and there. We would fight constantly, but always overcame it. She is a wonderful person and has always shown me love, even if i didn't reciprocate it while being stressed out.

She has always made extra effort on our relationship. Sometimes we exchange rude comments to each other but always find ways to ease the hurt and make things better. I might not have been all there the last little while being so over stressed. So she broke it off, I went to see her the next night to talk in person she agreed with little hessitation.

I went to her house, candles were lit in her bedroom, we talked.. I was still shocked from the night before so she did a lot of talking. I didn't do any begging or pleads to take me back. Things got quite intense and we started kissing a lot and it was very passionate, it felt like a dream was taking place with what was happening... I told her that I wanted to make love to her.. and we started undressing each other then someone came home.

We ended up leaving after her mother arrived and we went for coffee to talk some more... she said that she doesn't know what she wants and that what I want has become different from what she wants. She said that she loves me very much and cares about me very much and that she wants to see me and talk to me, that she can't have me disappear from her life. I forgot to mention that she was crying her eyes out most of the time at her house and in the car. We went back to her place....

it was around 1:30am... she went inside to get something her mom put together for me. I waited about 5 minutes and started crying... i didn't wait for her to come back out i went up to the door and as i walked up she opened the door and saw me crying, we hugged and she told me to come in, we sat on the couch and she fell asleep on me. I woke her up and told her to go to bed because she was working in the morning and I had to drive home ( we live about 35mins from each other) We kissed to end the night.

The next day she sent me an offline msg on MSN saying Hi. I didn't get her msg until later that night and I msged her back saying HI sunday. I didn't get a reply so i txt msged her saying HI sunday night in the AM..well i guess monday in the am. She hasn't responded. I don't know what to do from here.. I want to profess my love and tell her that I will make drastic changes... but i fear shes going to say how many times have we gone through and fought about it. I don't want to lose her as a lover. Should I try calling her? What should I do? I know she is upset right now about this, she is 10x more emotional than I am. Is this a fight im going to lose? please I need advice... thank you so much for reading..

[spiritofjosh]

I couldn't not chime in to this, it was almost like somebody typed out parts of how my 5 year relationship ended a few months ago. She broke up with me because I'm unemployed and like your ex was always putting in extra effort and was really good to me, and although I loved her more than anything I was so stressed about having a hard time finding a job that I didn't show my appreciation of her. She broke up with me because she felt like I was never going to grow up and that I wasn't good to her anymore, I assume there were probably other things but who knows, she didn't date anybody until a month or two later.

Any way what you could do is ask that her leaving you was a huge kick in the ass and that you needed that to help you move into a more positive direction with her. Anything but begging as I'm sure you know. Or maybe just give her some space for a little then check back up with her in a week or two. Don't let her walk on you, meaning don't go into do everything for her mode because it'll be too much on her. Others may disagree and tell you to move on, but the ex I mentioned? Oh yeah I'm still in love with her and miss her more and more every day. I've gone the whole nine yards with many woman since and it only makes me miss my ex more because she was so much better (in many ways, I won't go into detail). So try not to let her go.

[mymy]

So here is an update - We haven't spoken since last friday, BUT i did txt her once in reply to her MSN msg and I called once on Tuesday with no reply to either-

I sent her a txt message today saying "We need to talk"

she didn't respond for a while, then I decided to try and get under her skin I said "how is it so easy for you to let me go?" and she responded right away saying

"mymy this isn't easy for me" So I began to text her.

When she broke up with me I was in shock, she did most of the talking... i did the listening. A week later I have regained my thoughts and am ready to tackle it to see if we can resolve anything and work something out while giving her some time and space?.

In the text msg I pretty much said that there are some things left unsaid and that I would like to see her. She replied with

"what was left unsaid? we left things like adults" and she went on to say

"i need my laptop back and some other things that are in your closet. I don't think its fair that its left there in front of you as a reminder. i also need to give you a few things. So we need to get together at some point soon. We can also talk then. I will see about us meeting somewhere on Sunday if you're available then"


Can someone please help me here. I don't know what this means... that shes ready to talk, but doesn't wanna seem vulnerable? so she throws in the whole "laptop things" or is it she doesn't care and is ready to hammer the final nail in the coffin and no matter what I say wont make a difference?

If I come with a strong fight, do you think its possible I can turn this around?

PLEASE WOMEN.. HELP

[broken9]

look, this is from personal experience, once a woman is done, she is DONE! my friends like to talk about how there exs begged and cried for months and months... give her her shit back and dont have any type of contact, show her you can live without her, theres nothign worse than that... theres a big chance that if you do that she'll try to contact you. today she left tomorrow you'll leave! thats how it works!

[smackie9]

What are you supposed to change? Your whole personality? That's damn silly. It's a natural occurrence to change as we grow up, mature and get older. You cannot stop the changes....it's who you are. This is why relationships end, you both grow in different directions and it's time FOR a change...it's time to move on. Relationships will come and go in your life...this will not be the last break up you will ever go through...it's just the way life is. You break up, you heal, you learn, you grow you continue on. It's the cycle of life.

[mymy]

Thank you everyone for all your responses and words of encouragement and honesty.

I have a pretty big update.

So in my last thread I told you guys that we were going to meet up on sunday. Well we met up and I was on my A game, being upbeat, talking a lot, cracking jokes, etc. We talked about what went wrong and I told her my piece that I didn't get to say when we broke up the week before. After our coffee I suggested that we go to a martini house that we always used to go to, she agreed. We got appetizers, I had a few drinks, she had one. Neither of us were under the influence, we talked some more.. at the end of it we got pretty close, we were kissing and after the place closed we went for a drive.

She started talking to me a lot more since then, we met up on wednesday and spent the day together, we ended up having sex, and thursday she came over and we spent the day together again. We aren't back together, but she has already begun to talk about things she has planned for us over the course of the summer. i don't have my hopes up high, but to me it does look good. I don't want to get ahead of myself here.

Some advice that I have followed is the no contact and when engaged in conversation keep cool, be upbeat, show them what they will be missing. Other than that every situation is different and I believe that you should go with what you feel in your heart and that is just what I did.