Lied to ex-girlfriend, feeling extremely guilty! :(

[Neomic]

I know this is something that will probably make me seem like a complete ass, but I need some help on what to do.

My ex and I dated for over a year. I'm 21 and old fashioned, trying to save my virginity until marriage. She's been dating another guy for about 4 months now, but she has admitted to me several times that she still has feelings for me. The reason she broke up with me was because I didn't really know who I was or where I wanted to go in life, so she just figured it would be best if we remained friends. Her and I are still very close. We talk on the phone about every other night on average and hang out whenever possible.

She's been seeing another guy for about 4 months now, and I'm not going to lie, I'm sort of jealous. I can't really help it. I made a huge mistake though by lying to her, saying I got drunk and lost my virginity to another girl at a party on Friday. I felt really guilty about it the moment I said it, but I've been dealing with a lot in my personal life at the time (grandfather passing and my father being hospitalized within a 3 day period) and wasn't exactly thinking clearly. My jealousy got the best of me. Last night when she called, we ended up having phone sex. Afterwards, I kinda caught her choking up and asked her what was wrong. She began explaining again that she still has really strong feelings for me, that they all rush back to her every time she calls me, and that she's proud of the man I'm becoming. All of that made me smile, but then she started saying how when I told her I lost my virginity a few days ago, she started crying really hard. She was with her boyfriend, and when he asked what was wrong, she said she had to make up a B.S. excuse. She started saying she always wanted to be my first and all that. I lain awake for a good two hours when she fell asleep (she likes falling asleep on the phone with me), just thinking how much I screwed up and how I could go about making things right.

This is weighing really heavy on my heart now, and I have no idea what to do. I want to be honest and just say I lied out of love and hurt, but we're very close and I know that I could potentially hinder the bond we have.

[ralary]

you deserved it

[Regnent]

Problem with lying isn't so much comming clean, it's getting busted.

You're probably far better off by telling her you lied about it.

Otherwise, you're either going to feel guilty (I guess?), or you might somehow get busted or caught in the lie.

[Neomic]

Yeah, I probably do. I know this sounds super tacky and cliché, but I've always been completely honest with her. The only times I've ever "lied" to her was just me saying one thing so I could surprise her with another, like dropping off flowers for her or something like that.