Gents: my girlfriend is secretly dating others. What would you do?

**maxplank** · 02-03-11, 11:55 PM

I have been dating my girlfriend for two years, and we have been living together for one year. We are quite happy, and we plan to marry this summer. Recently she has been talking about us traveling overseas so I can meet her parents. But I found out about two weeks ago that she has been on an online dating site talking to guys (apparently looking for a long term relationship). She even went on a dinner date with one guy last weekend. I'm quite sure they didn't have sex, but I don't know if they are interested in each other or not. I have not confronted her yet. She doesn't know that I know. My plan is to be a good boyfriend, try to open the lines of communication, and then see what she does. If she doesn't quite, then I'll break up with her. If she quites, then I'll keep the secret.

The reason I don't confront her is that I want to figure out what is the root cause of this problem in our relationship, and I don't know that I will get the right answer if I confront her. Also, I honestly worry that if I confront her then there will be permenant damage to our relationship and things will not work out no matter what. I had an ex girlfriend (different girl, long time ago) cheat on me before, and after we confronted the issue our relationship was unresolvable. I don't want this to happen again.

What do you guys think? Does my logic make sense, or is it simply that I should confront her and let the cards lie where they fall? I would like to hear other people's similar stories, if possible.

Cheers

**Anturo** · 02-03-11, 11:59 PM

How did you come by this information?

Were you snooping?

**hello1** · 03-03-11, 12:05 AM

Um she doesn't love you, why are you such a pathetic man? she is looking for a new relationship. Not sex, an actual relationship. You need to stop being a wimp

**maxplank** · 03-03-11, 12:13 AM

It's not about being a wimp or not. I have invested a lot of time and energy into her, and it's not something to quickly throw away. I never said I have a problem leaving her, but I just want to know before I pull the plug that it's the right choice, and to walk away from something that took two years to build. It's not black and white like you see it. We are all capable of cheating. I can't pass all judgement on her status as "seekin long term relationship"; maybe that's becuase she wants to avoid the players.

**Anturo** · 03-03-11, 12:14 AM

Originally Posted by hello1

Um she doesn't love you, why are you such a pathetic man? she is looking for a new relationship. Not sex, an actual relationship. You need to stop being a wimp

Damnit I wanted to rip him up for snooping as well.

But yes. You are pathetic.

1) You have trust issues so this relationship will not last.

2) She is already actively looking to leave.

3) You are snooping because you do not trust her.

4) Next time open up the lines of communication first!

5) Grab your sack and do what is right from here on.

**maxplank** · 03-03-11, 12:15 AM

I don't see the importance of what you're asking.

**Anturo** · 03-03-11, 12:16 AM

Originally Posted by maxplank

It's not about being a wimp or not. I have invested a lot of time and energy into her, and it's not something to quickly throw away. I never said I have a problem leaving her, but I just want to know before I pull the plug that it's the right choice, and to walk away from something that took two years to build. It's not black and white like you see it. We are all capable of cheating. I can't pass all judgement on her status as "seekin long term relationship"; maybe that's becuase she wants to avoid the players.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Sucked in.

I hate when you get pulled into these threads of guys who arent worthy of your advice.

You give them solid advice and then they start defending the chicks actions.

**HeartIsAching** · 03-03-11, 12:35 AM

The root cause of her actions is insecurity. She's also emotionally and sexually abusing you.

She's obviously moved on without moving out, you need to take the initiative and end it. There is no cure.

**hello1** · 03-03-11, 12:45 AM

Originally Posted by Anturo

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Sucked in.

I hate when you get pulled into these threads of guys who arent worthy of your advice.

You give them solid advice and then they start defending the chicks actions.

Yeah agree. He obviously just going to take her back! I bet she dumps him before he leaves her

**xxazurexx** · 03-03-11, 12:53 AM

Another gullible idiot who deserves what is coming....

NEXT!!....

**eonbar** · 03-03-11, 01:10 AM

are you ****ing serious!?!
you sir, are an absolute mug.

shes not only been on online dating websites trying to find another man, but shes even been on a date with someone.

in my eyes what your misses is doing is worse than a regrettable drunken one night stand. shes fully conscious of the fact that she doesn't wanna be with you and yet your talking about marrying her! **** sake man up and have a bit more self respect.

what would i do? drop her like a bag of heavy rocks.

hypothetically if it was a lad doing this to my sister i'd beat the crap out of him. hypothetically if it was a girl doing it to me im sure my sister couldn't wait to slap the little bitch around... its completly out of order

**oldskool83** · 03-03-11, 02:36 AM

you gotta ask her wtf is up. i went thru this basicly same crap same years togther. all of a sudden i had got a gut feeling 1 day somthing was wrong, i found it all out i told her everything after i said we gotta talk. it was all true.

theres no reason with women once they do this. its over clear and simple. sucks major donky but you cant do anything but let it go, its normaly a cycle that continues with a person that does this.

wish ya the best of luck, find some good friends and let her get her stuff out the house.

**IncognitoSir** · 03-03-11, 03:01 AM

I'm going to say this ONCE and only once. GROW A PAIR AND DUMP HER! Look at the title of your thread: "Gents: my girlfriend is secretly dating others. What would you do?" Hmmmm, lets see, what would ANYONE with good sense do after they discover their finance is cheating on them????? I question your intelligence sir, you managed to seek advice about this, really? You haven't invested anymore in the relationship than anyone else invests into a relationship. Your situation is no more special than any other guy who found out his gf is cheating. The answer is ALWAYS the same and since I've said it already, I won't repeat myself.

**SelflessnHumble** · 03-03-11, 03:11 AM

If you want to be a sneak like her: it may backfire to your disadvantage.

**SelflessnHumble** · 03-03-11, 03:12 AM

Originally Posted by oldskool83

you gotta ask her wtf is up. i went thru this basicly same crap same years togther. all of a sudden i had got a gut feeling 1 day somthing was wrong, i found it all out i told her everything after i said we gotta talk. it was all true.

theres no reason with women once they do this. its over clear and simple. sucks major donky but you cant do anything but let it go, its normaly a cycle that continues with a person that does this.

wish ya the best of luck, find some good friends and let her get her stuff out the house.

lol! sorry dude, really?

"Honey, why are you dating other guys when we're supposed to get married?"

Sure.

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Gents: my girlfriend is secretly dating others. What would you do?

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