Bad approach? Now I don't understand her..

[Yashi]

Hi everyone,

let me tell you my situation:

I'm a student and there's this girl I've been interested in for some months. Aside from having a single lecture together, we don't know each other. I didn't have any girlfriends yet, so I'm pretty unexperienced.

About 4 weeks ago, I took all my courage and went to talk to her.. though I think I did what I really shouldn't have.
While being really nervous I almost instantly told her that I'm interested in her and asked if she'd mind doing something sometime.
Well, she politely told me she'd rather not and the conversation was over shortly after.


Thing is - After that she gave me signs I just don't understand. One time in the subway, she looked at me and smiled.
Another time when she was alone, she sat as close to me, as possible without sitting on the same table, in a bar, which was almost empty.
Yet another time me, her and her friends were the only ones sitting on a bank, waiting for the lecture room to get opened (early in the morning) she obviously turned around looking at me before entering the room.
And maybe two or three more things, which were not as obvious and not necessarily directed at me.

At least some of these are not overinterpreted by me; a female friend pointed out the same things. (She's the only one who knows; she saw me "confessing" and asked about it, so I told her)

There also was one time in the subway which I really could only see as a sign of interest. And it was even about a week before my "confession" (I'm really sure she had already noticed that I'm interested; or at least acting different around her).
We were entering the same train through the same door, she was behind me. I walked some and sat down and see her sitting down right in front of me. But we didn't talk at the time..

Aside from these few pretty obvious signs, she doesn't show any other signs at all. She never ever looks at me while in the lecture, she walks by like I'm a stranger, etc. Though she didn't seem to avoid me either.

I just don't know what to think.. maybe she really doesn't want anyone/her friends to notice?


But.. I just haven't managed to bring myself to talk to her again, .. I couldn't even bring myself to look at her. So I might've seemed kind of uninterested after that "confession".

There's been vacations for 2 weeks now, and there'll be 5 weeks more, so I won't see her until then.
At the day I confessed, I thought I'd have to give up, but she also showed me those signs..
And maybe I'm wrong, please correct me on this.., but my "confession" was just messed up and I can't imagine any girl who barely knows me, that'd have given me a positive answer.
So now I can't help but think that she'd at least give me a chance if I approach her in a proper way.

But I don't know how to.. talk to her again like
"Hi, sorry about last time, it was too sudden. Can I ask you.." and ask her about herself?
Or act like nothing happened and find some random topic to have a short chat?
Maybe just say "Hi"?
Or I could even tell her that I noticed her signs, and ask her what she meant.. That's probably a bad idea?

Of course that's all assuming I can get myself together and not do nothing..

I really want to do something, but I have a really hard time being myself when she's near.
And when her friends are with her, then I'm a nervous sandbag who can't move one step towards her.
I thought it'd be easier after talking to her one time, but it's almost harder now =/

I dont know if I'm fooling myself, at first I thought I'm just interested and if she isn't then oh well, I don't even really know her.
But now she's on my mind first thing I wake up and last thing I fall to sleep; I might've really fallen for her..


I want to gather some courage in these vacations and at least greet her when I see her, not ignore her.. doing nothing leads to nothing.
What I'd give to just be able to be myself and talk to her like I can with others, but I'm scared that won't change so fast.


Thanks to my female friend, I atleast know her name and over that found her university mail adress, so I could mail her, but I think that'd only worsen the situation too..



So I posted this here, of course everyone is different, but maybe some of you fellow girls can imagine what's going through her mind. Because I can't. Does she act interested or not? How do I approach her again?

I'd be really grateful for some advice, it's really bugging me and I can't answer these myself.

[Talith_of_Rendi]

From the information given, she sounds like a very polite girl, but not necessarily an interested one. The smiles towards you could very easily be a kind acknowledgement. Seating herself near you in a bar or train might simply be staying near someone familiar, given that in certain areas of the world women can feel very unsettled on public transit when traveling alone. Then again, to completely contradict myself, whether there's interest or not, she might be staying near you for a self esteem boost on her own part. This is something I've known many of my female friends to do without readily realizing it. They'll make sure they're in places to get special attention to feel better about themselves.

If you really want this girl, my only advice would be to offer her help with an assignment, or invite her and her friends somewhere. Don't make it look like a date at first, but instead try and get to know her on her own turf. If you're there in a nonthreatening manner long enough, she may get curious and give you a chance. Just don't be too pushy, if she says no, wait a week or so before trying something new.