Gentlemen help me out, this lady is driving me insane.

[thechosenone0]

For the last almost three months now there's been this girl in my life. I met her at work. She was recently hired on and she happens to be the Grandaughter of the owner of the company i work at. We both became interested in each other right away. But things are stuck and they don't progress out of this strange cycle we're stuck in. We go out, we have a great time with each other. We kiss but usually nothing past that. Then the next day she'll get rather cold and pull back. Then she warms up, i decide to take her out again or she suggests going out and we have a good time and then she gets cold again.

We had one night where she spent the night at my house and it was just short of sex but very heavy otherwise. Then she pulled back again as usual afterward. I took her out prior to Valentines day (Because she claimed she didn't want to celebrate valentine's day) and told her it was a Niki appreciation day. She said i could be good for her. We kissed. She pulled back again the next day. I got frustrated one day and went out with some friends to a strip club and happened to mention that to her the next day. She became very jealous and got close to me for a few days and then pulled away again.

I know she came back from Florida prior to me meeting her in August. She got out of a relationship with a person who was suffering from drug issues. She was chased through her house by this guy and locked herself in the bathroom to stay safe. It was bad from what i hear. I'm not like that, she knows that. I don't smoke, no drugs and no more than two drinks when we're out.

I'm lost gentlemen and i just need some advise if you could.

Some basic Info: I'm 28 and Niki is 26. Live in Chicago suburbs. Both full time workers. Don't believe there are any drugs involved on her part and certainly none on mine. No abuse on anyone's end that i know about. She has suffered from anxiety and was previously on meds for it that she doesn't take now.

[Horseyguy]

Sounds like she is really independent, enjoys going out with you and then after that she's busy doing her thing until you pop back into her headspace again

Fact is she is happy to go out with you and has even suggested you go out , so she's happy to be proactive in catching up and doing stuff, and you had sex so she obviously was ok with that

I wouldn't worry about it

Mine is exactly the same, I can spend a whole weekend with her and Monday .... nothing .. unless I make contact that is.

I now leave it until she contacts me and sure enough by Tuesday / Wednesday latest up she pops

Took some getting use to but as long as she's not backing off completely, as in doesn't want to go out on a date when you ask her or she stops suggesting you go out , I wouldn't stress about it

[AirbenderAang]

You should try having a serious talk with her. As in, "I like you and want to progress our relationship in these ways _________, but it seems like whenever we get close you pull away." Then you ask two questions. Do you like me and do you want to progress the relationship in these ways _______________________? Then see what she says.

I have two likely scenarios for you. One scenario is that she is just not that into you.
The other scenario is that she likes you but she is very afraid of getting too close to you because she is afraid you might go crazy on her/abuse her/whatever. If she likes you we can assume that she will make at least some effort to overcome her fear. Yet the thing with fear is that it can overcome willpower. If she does truly like you, you will then have to decide how much you are willing to put up with her fear.

[Anturo]

For the last almost three months now there's been this girl in my life. I met her at work.

Dont Shit where you Eat!

[thechosenone0]

Appreciate the advice everyone.

I know its a complicated thing with dating the boss' granddaughter but i'm not sure how to just turn my feelings for her off you know?

Is it possible she's not in to me though because in my mind i keep running over all the things that suggest she is like the night we spent together, all the kissing, that i would pick her up for lunch, taking her out for valentines day and her saying i could be good for her, her invites to her house and to a family function. I'm just not sure.

[AirbenderAang]

Read my post. Then do what I said. It will solve this problem.

Another problem is likely to pop up, that is life. Then with the new problem, hopefully you were paying attention to the last problem and learned something.

[Boisdevie]

She is a cock teaser

[smackie9]

How about just talking to her and work through this like any normal person would. There isn't a chance in hell a bunch of strangers on the internet that could ever give you the answers to this......go talk to her...what are ya? chicken? You are 28 years old! Lets be adults here!

[thechosenone0]

I have had the conversation with her once and it seemed like it was over then. I went out that weekend with the guys to a strip club and mentioned it to her and she got very jealous afterward and for for a while she was making all the advances toward me then which rekindled my interest. Then it went back to the on and off thing we're stuck in now.

I'm interested in her guys, a lot. I think she's mess up from her past experiences and I know she has big self esteem issues. (She's always talking badly about herself. Always)

I'm not looking for you guys to solve my problem. Ultimately its mine alone, but advice and experience would be nice. That's all smackie 9. Little kinship you know.

[Mr.Meat]

Try introducing a bondage scenario next time you go out.

[thechosenone0]

Try introducing a bondage scenario next time you go out.

And youre suggesting this why?

[therealjag]

Sounds like she has too many issues...I'd stay away if i was you. Shes keeping you out for a reason. If she lets you in then bam! She'll have you caught in her pussytrap and you'll never be able to escape! i've been there man, its nasty.

The main reasons you have feelings for her is that she is so elusive and makes you want her more. just leave it mate trust me - you'll be able to find someone normal who doesnt flake like her, who doesnt work at your work and someone who knows what they want and doesnt have a wierd history or self-esteem issues.

Jag

[thechosenone0]

jag, thanks for the thoughts man. problem is she's in my head and i like her a lot. not sure how to turn it off and i dont know that i want to?

I dont know how i feel if i actually get her. i know the times i thought i had her i felt really good though so i assume i'd be happy to have her and its not a chase thing.

work is on my mind too. i've been there 6 years and have a pretty important position now. i'm not looking to screw it up so i'm careful what i do there. i try to be at least.

[therealjag]

well if you feel that strongly about her that you're willing to maybe risk you're position at work then i guess theres not much anyone here can say...in that case i just hope shes actually sane...maybe she is just flaking because she was hurt in the past. if you can garuntee not to do that to her, which im sure you wont then just let her know how you feel. after this long she should be able to be honwst with you and if she cant then at least you know for sure if it'll work out or not.

i commented the way i did, not because i want to be a downer on you, but because ive been through a situation with a girl like that before and it didnt end well for me. hopefully your case is different and you'll work it out.

Jag

[thechosenone0]

Its cool man, i know you mean no harm.

I'm trying so hard to make it work. Its super frustrating but when things are going well it just feels so great too. I don't know, messed up i guess.

I do appreciate all the advice though guys. I really do.