I am in love with a complicated situation

[camden]

Hello All,

I am new to this forum and just wanted to say I have been reading through lately. I only finally worked up the courage to post and request feedback on my situation. I appreciate any and all advice, and criticism is welcome. I have seen that many of you truly wish to help.

I have been seeing this woman for approx 7 months. when we first met, she told me she was married, but it had been on the slopes for a while. she disclaimed that she had spoken to people on the phone before but never a date. We went on a few dates and every time we had a great time. we quickly grew fond of eachother, talking, texting.. etc... we started to get intimate shorly after meeting (2 weeks) then one day, about a month after we met, she called me and said she is separated from her husband and intented on getting a divorce. i told her she needed to do whats best for her and i did not want to be a part/or reason for this.

she continued to tell me that it was destined to happen and that she has never been happy with him. but she had a 5 year old child and has been maried for 6 years. i was a bit confused by that.

so three months roll by and her and i get even more serious.. i tell her i can not stop thinking about her and i want to see her all the time... its at thsi time she tells me she loves me. i feel the same. we talk and she tells me shes getting a divorce. she tells me her and him are over and they just live in the same home. she still called me in bed and texted me, and saw me about 3 times out of the week.

month 6 i start to question her situation. i believe she has me hanging form a string and i tell her, i want her to retain a lawyer and start the process.. she says soon. but nothing happens. i then argue with her about being comfortable in her situation, and she says she doesnt need any1 to support her. (i kno her husband makes good money) and she makes about 45k yearly, which is decent as well... any way, i tell her, i can not wait for something she is unsure of now (bcuz thats what i believed) and she tells me she want to be with me. and she will retain a lawyer in a month or too.

suddenly 2 weeks ago i get a phone call from her husband. he is extremely upset etc. we didnt speak much, he said i and her ruined his family. i didnt get a call from her until later in the day and she told me she had to get a divorce.

now shes going through the process, but i rarely speak to her. i argue with her about attention and thats it now. she tells me she want to be with me and all that its just hard bcuz of the divorce. she doenst call me at home now and rarely texts me. i speak to her once a day for the past two weeks. its obvious that her husband finding of me jumpstarted the divorce process.

i dont know if she's serious about her and i. i dont know if shes been lying to me for 6 months? i dont know... but i do want to believe her and i do want to be with her.

im 24 and i have never felt this way about a woman... my only arguement with her is her attention. whil i realize she has a child i understand i can only have her divided attn and im perfectly fine with that. ive never been married but have lived with a girlfriend before. so i can not say i know what she is going through.

thanks all

i would appreciate ur comments and info/past experiences etc.

[Spring Haze]

So you want to be with an adulteress whose levels of seriousness and honesty is in question? You better rethink what you hope to gain from this relationship, because it'll be little more than drama... and that's only IF she decides not to kick you to the curb, which seems to be what's happening.

[Maple1714]

Take a step back...let her go through the divorce process and have some time to settle her life. Women usually need a crutch or attention from another male when preparing or going through a break-up/divorce. I am sure you don't really want to be that crutch. Give it time and space...even a year or so...if you both are still interested after a long break than get together again. Time and space are NEVER bad!

[camden]

To the first reply, why do you she is an adultress? I am not defending her only wish to know why you say that, based on her disclosure at the beginning of the relationship. ThNks for your response

2nd reply. A crutch? Is this to help her break away from her husband?

[Maple1714]

Yes, a crutch to help her break away from her husband. Lots of women use other men to a degree for attention or to help their self esteem or to make them feel safer when they are scared of a big change that is coming. To know they can form a new close relationship out there before they give up the one they already have gives them a sense of security and helps them move on. Sometimes it may not even be a conscious thing on the woman's part...she may really think she loves this "crutch" and then it fades and she realizes. I am not saying this is right...but it def. happens a lot. Sounds to me like this is what is happening in your situation. I could be wrong, but just keep this in mind. This is why only time and space can answer all your questions. Don't be afraid of losing her. You are young...you never know you might meet someone else who is free and clear of any baggage and fall in love with them.