Just when you think you know everything...

[keihn]

Okay so im in love with my girlfriend of nearly four months. I cant say shes the one, but i know i want to be with her for quite a while. We are both fairly.. open about sexual things for such a young age being 17 and have quite a past, mine being worse than hers, but being a guy oddly enough its more tolerable.
throughout our relationship her over controlling ex has made it his point to fill me in on things that happened between them during their relationship. most of it things they did together. they were together fora year and a half so i tend to tell ihm off and remove him from both my facebook and block him from my phone as did she.
I have made it a point in our relationship that honesty is of the utmost importance if we want to last. and we have been honest for the most part. Ive learned to accept her fr her past mistakes and she has stayed with me through mine, ( and let me tell you my mistakes have been huge these last three months...) She really is a beautiful girl ainside and out and i know i love her.
so last night we both get a message on facebook from her ex boyfriends friend. the one to me says you know your girlfriend is a whore. and hers said "remember at that one party when ***** was doing you and you blew me at the same time yeah your a whore."
i saw this this morning after she told me she got a nasty message as well. i logged on because we know eachothers info just because., and i felt betrayed and grossed out. I know what party it was and she was very very out of it. her boyfriend had almost planned it and sort of forced it on her as well. he planned for the other guy to hide in the closet and he made her almost compete for his attention. its sick and i hate it. but i also dont like that whether she was drunk or not she couldnt stand up for herself. i hate knowing that my girlfriend took part in that. i already dislike her past and who shes been with but i know shes not a whore. all the guys she has been with she was dating for several months to years. but i just feel like she should have told me that happened so i could look at it from a more sensitive view.
i have several questions. What do i do? i want to forget but i also want to discuss this after work with her. How do i go about it without making her look bad.? I have done things im not proud of but i told her those and shes had time to accept them. I dont want to make her feel like shit because i love her. But its so hard to accept her for past things like these. I dont feel as if im the guy, but just another guy when i hear things like this. Can i have some help or something? i need reassurance and help with how to deal with this. because i know shes not a whore she just got taken advantage of.

[Dan555]

If she did this before you two were together then I don't see why it should ruin your relationship. If she did it during your relationship then I wouldn't be too harsh, since based on the information you've given I'd say she was almost forced into it, or possibly as you said, too drunk to stand up for herself. I don't think that you have a problem with your girlfriend here, but with her ex.

If this guy is truly harassing you then I'd urge you to seek a restraining order against this person before he ruins your life. It seems harsh, but judging by his actions, I see it as the only way you and your girlfriend can be finally left in peace.

[keihn]

thankyou. and it really wont ruin it i just need to come to peace with it. i hate the thought of someone else using my girlfriend like that and treating her with such diserespect. its not right. ive blocke dhim from contct with both of us.

[Dan555]

If someone was harassing my girlfriend and constantly texting her calling her a whore, I'd kill him, but that's just me. . . You should honestly try to make sure that this guy never enters your life again because he could very well ruin it.

[jerybaby18]

In my honest opinion, I don't even think you should bring it up. It's in her past and has nothing to do with you. I am sure she didn't tell you about it because she one, is embarrassed about it, and two, didn't want you to do what you are doing now, which is judge her. Let it go. Why should she continually be punished for something she has already wished she didn't do? All you will do is bring her back to that moment where she felt bad about herself. And there is no point in doing that. Do you want her to feel bad about herself? And do you want to be that person to do that to her? I am assuming you don't. So let it go. She will start to feel as if you are always going to judge her, which in turn, will make her less able to be open with you. It's in her past, leave it there.
As for this ex of hers, this is exactly what he wants to do. Put a wedge between you guys and break you up. So all you are doing, is giving him just that.

[keihn]

thankyou for the advice this is just what i needed. as for the killing the guy part. ive considered making an example of him but it wouldnt help. i could very easily. its not mature. but thankyou everyone.

[smackie9]

The ex is just being a douche and seems to find pleasure in bringing up these things to you both. It just goes to show you what your poor GF went through. Don't sweat it. Like everyone says it happened in the past. It doesn't make her a horrible person, but a victim of an abusive BF. All he is doing is continuing the abuse. The best thing for the both of you to do is totally block and delete this guy from your life.