Suggested an open relationship....

[loladay21]

I have been with my fiance for 7 years. I am only the second woman he has ever slept with, while he is like my 22nd. The frequency of sex has been declining steadily over the past few years. We have discussed this issue several times, always with him promising to make more of an effort (b/c I almost always initiate) but nothing has changed. Last time we talked he said he only had the desire to have sex once a week, while I want it at least 4 times a week, more if I can get it.

I don't want to cheat, but I don't want to break up. We have a great relationship and a life and a daughter together. I just want to get laid more. Recently I suggested an open relationship. I told him how much I love him and how happy he makes me, but that I'm struggling with monogamy.

He did not respond to this well. He said he is afraid I will leave him for someone and that it's embarrassing for other guys to think he can't please his woman. It's not that our sex sucks, it's great. I just miss getting laid whenever I want and am tired of being rejected by him. (I didn't say this when I suggested it tho). He said it was fine and he wanted me to be happy but I could tell it was not fine, so I told him we need to talk more and set ground rules. He also mentioned that I would have more opportunity and that he doesn't want to sleep with other girls. He just said he'd have to deal with it. I told him I don't want him to deal, if he couldn't handle it we didn't have to do it, it was just a suggestion. Then he said he doesn't want me to be unhappy, and that he would just have to deal with it.

Now, I regret ever bringing it up because he has been depressed and anxious ever since. He said I can't take it back and that it poisons his every thought. He says he still loves me and doesn't want to break up, but, I'm worried I have completely ruined everything. What (if anything) can I do to make this better?

[Horseyguy]

Same answer, tell him grow some balls and dump you

[keith14425]

Though I can see his side I also understand Yours more I have a huge sex drive and was in the same place! So maybe you and I should chat. Google chat?

I have been with my fiance for 7 years. I am only the second woman he has ever slept with, while he is like my 22nd. The frequency of sex has been declining steadily over the past few years. We have discussed this issue several times, always with him promising to make more of an effort (b/c I almost always initiate) but nothing has changed. Last time we talked he said he only had the desire to have sex once a week, while I want it at least 4 times a week, more if I can get it.

I don't want to cheat, but I don't want to break up. We have a great relationship and a life and a daughter together. I just want to get laid more. Recently I suggested an open relationship. I told him how much I love him and how happy he makes me, but that I'm struggling with monogamy.

He did not respond to this well. He said he is afraid I will leave him for someone and that it's embarrassing for other guys to think he can't please his woman. It's not that our sex sucks, it's great. I just miss getting laid whenever I want and am tired of being rejected by him. (I didn't say this when I suggested it tho). He said it was fine and he wanted me to be happy but I could tell it was not fine, so I told him we need to talk more and set ground rules. He also mentioned that I would have more opportunity and that he doesn't want to sleep with other girls. He just said he'd have to deal with it. I told him I don't want him to deal, if he couldn't handle it we didn't have to do it, it was just a suggestion. Then he said he doesn't want me to be unhappy, and that he would just have to deal with it.

Now, I regret ever bringing it up because he has been depressed and anxious ever since. He said I can't take it back and that it poisons his every thought. He says he still loves me and doesn't want to break up, but, I'm worried I have completely ruined everything. What (if anything) can I do to make this better?

[leonidas]

That's ****ed up.

I'm young and have been in two year long relationships with a 3 year stint in the middle. The major difference between guys and girls is that guys care more about physical cheating and girls care more about emotional cheating. Knowing that you literally want to get the dick from someone else would absolutely kill a guy inside. If I were dating you... I would never be able to touch you again, because I'd see you as tainted and unfaithful. What's so wrong about getting a vibrator to satisfy yourself? When my ex wanted to get back together with me I told her that even if my feelings were still there for her I would always see the guy she dated after me's package in her mouth every time I'd go to kiss her and that I just couldn't do that.

Listen to the song "Unfaithful" by Rihanna. Every time you go out to meet a guy, he'd probably be sitting at home dying on the inside knowing what you're doing.

Also, the less partners you've had the more you value intimacy through intercourse. Clearly he values it with you a lot (although doesn't seem to have that drive), and clearly you don't...

I don't believe there is anything you can do to make it better, because what's been said has been said. Who knows how long that thought will permeate his mind for. It sounds like I'm being harsh, but I'm trying to respond honestly and realistically with empathy for him. Maybe if you deeply apologized and said your only intentions were for the best. That you wanted both of you to have revamped sex drives and that you were so desperate for it to happen that you were willing to try anything to get that back, even if it meant BOTH of you sleeping with other people. Tell him he's the only man that you want and then initiate something that you know he really enjoys, even if it's something that you don't. If he's a man he'll return the favor.