Boyfriend Rates Other Women Online!!

[rubyinthewild]

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for about a year. Four months ago he moved to Korea for one of those English teaching jobs. We broke up then because I thought I wouldn't be able to handle the distance, but the last few weeks he's been begging to get back together, and I've missed and love him a lot, so I agreed.

In the past my bf has mentioned he posted on a particular online forum. I admit, I tried to find it in the past but never could. I stumbled across it a few days ago without realizing... I didn't even know it was my boyfriend until I read a post of his, and saw that he was using his usual screen name (uses it for AIM and email and stuff like that.) The location, age, and information on his profile also match up.

I was curious to see what other topics he'd posted on (it's a forum dedicated to general geek-related stuff), so I looked at his "previous posts."

And there I saw that he'd routinely been posting in this thread that's dedicated to scoring women! Someone puts up pictures of a girl (usually a celebrity or models but sometimes someone in a Halloween costume), and the guys judge it on a scale of 1 to 10. My bf posts things like "LOVE the boobs" or "The butt isn't working for me."

What's even WORSE is a post I found of his in a thread about people's lives. His read," My life rocks because I'm surrounded by cute Asian girls that adore me. Unfortunately, I can't sleep with them because then I'd go to jail (and hell.)"

I just can't believe it!!! And that was posted only a few weeks ago, while he was telling me how much he loved me and missed me and wanted to be together!!!!

I've already had kind of a jealous/insecure streak and this is like a punch in the stomach. I know my bf looks at porn, but rating women on a public forum??!! And as dumb as it sounds, I feel even WORSE because I look NOTHING like these women! They have fantastic bodies, are gorgeous and amazing and he's giving them 7's!!!! And the ones he thinks are hottest look NOTHING LIKE ME! I'm not Asian, or tall, or skinny, and it's just killing me to think THAT'S what he finds attractive when I am not any of those (I'm certainly not a 16 year old Korean schoolgirl...)

I am fighting every urge to call him right now and tell him if he wants to f*ck some 16 Asian chick to go for it. Am I overreacting? Is this normal guy behavior??

[surfhb]

I've already had kind of a jealous/insecure streak

I think you answered you're own question.

You weren't in a relationship so what does it matter. He obviously loves you or he wouldn't want to be with you. Relax and enjoy. Boys will be boys is a key term here

[sweetkissesforu]

men are funny lol all talk no action

[sadie_genie]

But girl, his piece of ass belongs to you.

[imagineallthe]

Everyone has two sides. I have been in long term relationships and could easily comment on other boys (I'm a girl), just for the fun of it - or talk to my girlfriends and teasingly say "oh I'd do him if I could, unfortunately, it wouldn't be OK for the guy I'm already doing" haha. But I would know it would mean nothing to me, I would know that I was kidding. How can you tell if he is kidding? He might love you, not sure why he would say he does otherwise, but the thing he's doing online is disgusting. Either way though, it DOES sound like a typical guy-thing to do. The whole sentence of "surrounded by cute Asian girls" is pretty exaggerated and I don't believe he meant that literally. He doesn't sound that deep and serious online, so don't get too offended.

You are completely different from those girls, like you said, so I actually think he does love you - if not, he'd find some asian and tell her he loves her instead. Guys are two different beings: the horney - and the loving boyfriend. This is why a man can be a devoted husband for 50 years, yet every summer daydream about those 19-year-olds in a bikini. You got yourself someone with an emphasis on the horney-part. Up to you if you can manage it; I doubt he'll be quitting those online habits anytime soon. He seems immature - someone who loves you more seriously would never bother to brag about being surrounded by asian girls, he'd be completely content with YOU alone. (But the rating of women... every straight guy does that...)

[surfhb]

Thats all wrong....wer're all horny. All the time! Period

First of all I dont buy the fact you just stumbled upon his post on that forum

Second, if you girls knew how and what we talked about when you aren't around, you would be disgusted (and rightly so LOL) Were harshly graphic around the boys. But then again, Ive heard women talk amongst themselves and it even made me blush!

Relax....the guy is perfectly normal, he loves you. Hes obviously devoted to something bigger than himself or he wouldnt have moved to Korea to teach. Thats a huge step for someone and you should recognize it as something positive. Things are ok!!

[rubyinthewild]

Relax....the guy is perfectly normal, he loves you. Hes obviously devoted to something bigger than himself or he wouldnt have moved to Korea to teach. Thats a huge step for someone and you should recognize it as something positive.

Unless he moved there just to get some exotic young tail. And how could he possibly love me when I look NOTHING like the other women he's attracted to?

[surfhb]

Unless he moved there just to get some exotic young tail

Ummm...no he didn't leave his home and friends and you and...LIFE to get some Asian tail. Relax

And how could he possibly love me when I look NOTHING like the other women he's attracted to?

Whats does the look of a women have to do with the fact he loves you? We love all women...doesnt matter. He was just "talking with the guys" and you "unknowingly" stumbled upon their conversation. He could honestly love you with all his heart but once were with the boys, were never going to say stuff like that!

We talk about how hot other women are all the time when you're not around and rate them and such. I know its hard to understand but then we dont get the stupid sh*t you pull either. Regardless, you need us and love us and we need you and love you.....the human race continues to move ahead as normal

You're being insecure

[MerryH]

It's just guy talk. While sort of disgusting/creepy, I'm pretty sure it's normal.

While you're worrying that you're not attractive enough for him, I think you're missing something pretty big:

His [post] read," My life rocks because I'm surrounded by cute Asian girls that adore me. Unfortunately, I can't sleep with them because then I'd go to jail (and hell.)"

You should be more alarmed that he's the type of person who longs to sleep with his underage students. I admit, I am making an assumption about what he's talking about, but I can't imagine it being anything else. You can correct me if I'm wrong. But if that is what he meant, ugh. Just gross. You have bigger things to worry about than if he finds you sexy enough.

[surfhb]

You should be more alarmed that he's the type of person who longs to sleep with his underage students. I admit, I am making an assumption about what he's talking about, but I can't imagine it being anything else. You can correct me if I'm wrong. But if that is what he meant, ugh. Just gross. You have bigger things to worry about than if he finds you sexy enough.

Thats just more Guy Talk. Im in my 30s and we still joke about underage girls...jailabit and all that....its all BS and perfectly harmless in the grand scheme of things

[rubyinthewild]

You should be more alarmed that he's the type of person who longs to sleep with his underage students. I admit, I am making an assumption about what he's talking about, but I can't imagine it being anything else. You can correct me if I'm wrong. But if that is what he meant, ugh. Just gross. You have bigger things to worry about than if he finds you sexy enough.

Yeah he's talking about his students; he's told me before how a lot of them have crushes on him because he's 1) a teacher 2) a foreigner.

I'm concerned by BOTH, which is why I want to yell at him that if he wants to screw Korean 16 years old to just go do it.

@Surf

My point was more, if he's so turned on by those types of girls why doesn't he go get one of THEM? Go love THEM since they're so sexy and attractive to him?

[vertical_sky]

My point was more, if he's so turned on by those types of girls why doesn't he go get one of THEM? Go love THEM since they're so sexy and attractive to him?

Whooooa, down girl! Believe me, I get the insecure freak outs. I'm heavy into the nerd community, and dear GOD, it's like no other woman could even come close to the perfect beauty of the exotic, submissive Asian! Japanophiles... what can ya do?

But you've gotta calm yourself down. I have no idea if this is normal guy behavior, but you're REALLY stressing yourself out, and that's NOT going to lead to a productive conversation. So, breathe, missy, breathe!

[surfhb]

My point was more, if he's so turned on by those types of girls why doesn't he go get one of THEM? Go love THEM since they're so sexy and attractive to him?

OK....PLEASE LISTEN! He's not interested in them. He already joked with the guys about going to jail. Tranaslated: " Ha Ha....these women are sure beautiful and they really love me and look up to me...but I know my boundaries as a mature man...besides I already have a girl I love back home"

He doesnt talk about you with the guys....hes being cool with them. That would make him look weak and pussy whipped. REEELLLAAAXXX!!

[MerryH]

Thats just more Guy Talk. Im in my 30s and we still joke about underage girls...jailabit and all that....its all BS and perfectly harmless in the grand scheme of things

Hm. Well, I don't really think it's perfectly harmless. I mean, those are little girls you're talking about. I don't think they would think it's perfectly harmless. And what he said wasn't a joke. What he said was "I wish I could **** them but I can't." (paraphrased.) There's no joke in that, he's expressing his desires, and that's kind of worrisome.

[surfhb]

Hm. Well, I don't really think it's perfectly harmless. I mean, those are little girls you're talking about. I don't think they would think it's perfectly harmless. And what he said wasn't a joke. What he said was "I wish I could **** them but I can't." (paraphrased.) There's no joke in that, he's expressing his desires, and that's kind of worrisome.

For reals? You never joked about being with a high school girl while ****in around with the guys? Not sure the the crowd you hang around but thats fairly normal with most group of guys. Not like its constantly brought up and only a ****in freek would hit on an underage girl but we joke from time to time about it....just like this guy is doing

he's told me before how a lot of them have crushes on him because he's 1) a teacher 2) a foreigner.

OMG! Do want a fireworks show and the Goodyear blimp fly over to explain this?! Why would he talk to you about this if he was a cheater?