Boyfriend Rates Other Women Online!!

[vertical_sky]

So are you saying that she shouldn't lose weight since it doesn't (hypothetically) matter she lose ANY weight because
you feel she isn't an Asian teenager?

I'm saying her weight has absolutely nothing to do with it. For all we know, she's already a twig... Why did you fixate on "lose some weight" to somehow be like the hot women he's oggling?

[Regnent]

The women he's oggling online don't do that! They receive his affection just by being hot. So why is the onus on HER to be appealing.

.. What?! Affection?
HOW?!

They arn't even getting more than 10-15 seconds of attention in most cases, and even someone in the 10 category, the type of attention isn't anything remotely like affection.
I can oggle hot chicks all day, and I still don't put as much attention into it, as what I'm having for dinner.

And I would think the appealing comment is more towards if she's feeling insecure or unattractive, what is she doing to correct it. It is -her- problem, not his.
It is not a partners job to -make- their SO appealing, or attractive. They can reap the benefits, or validate the effort, but that is it.

[vertical_sky]

And I would think the appealing comment is more towards if she's feeling insecure or unattractive, what is she doing to correct it. It is -her- problem, not his.
It is not a partners job to -make- their SO appealing, or attractive. They can reap the benefits, or validate the effort, but that is it.

She's feeling insecure because of what HE did, which is oggle women who look nothing like her. Yeah, it's not the partner's job to make their SO attractive, but it's also not the SO's job to make the partner be attracted to them! If he's not attracted to her, he should dump her and go find someone he IS attracted to who DOES stack up against lingerie models.

[HeartIsAching]

Unless he moved there just to get some exotic young tail. And how could he possibly love me when I look NOTHING like the other women he's attracted to?

I'm generally attracted to short, busty, plump, intelligent brunettes. My wife is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen (I'm not kidding, others may disagree but I know who makes my heart go pit-a-pat) and she's neither short nor brunette, and while not under-endowed, she's not hugely busty. The heart wants what it wants. It doesn't mean that I can't look at another woman that fits the bill for me and think "Yeah, she's hot", but I have no real desire to go there.

[Regnent]

She's feeling insecure because of what HE did, which is oggle women who look nothing like her. Yeah, it's not the partner's job to make their SO attractive, but it's also not the SO's job to make the partner be attracted to them! If he's not attracted to her, he should dump her and go find someone he IS attracted to who DOES stack up against lingerie models.

Who says he's not attracted to her?
Because he rates eye candy?
Please.

Now, if he rated women he passed by on the street with his woman, then yah, he's being an asshole.

Otherwise, she can get over it.
Hell, I think my wifes girlfriend is attractive. Not quite hot, but I do like short, and I think she's got a nice personality. I'd give her a 7 myself. I'd do her.
Sorry, but that doesn't mean I don't love my wife, or that I'm not attracted. It means, holy crap, that there are OTHER women out there.

[SelflessnHumble]

Who says he's not attracted to her?
Because he rates eye candy?
Please.

Now, if he rated women he passed by on the street with his woman, then yah, he's being an asshole.

Otherwise, she can get over it.
Hell, I think my wifes girlfriend is attractive. Not quite hot, but I do like short, and I think she's got a nice personality. I'd give her a 7 myself. I'd do her.
Sorry, but that doesn't mean I don't love my wife, or that I'm not attracted. It means, holy crap, that there are OTHER women out there.

^^^ Exactly.

Everyone loves to take comments out of context without addressing the real issues.
Some women love to ice skate up hill.

[ASMD]

Ok well the fact you broke every privacy rule in this relationship, kinda says you guys shouldnt be together. Men rate women all the time, but its not like women dont do the same, you ever watch a movie and say something along the lines of "I would have *insert actors name* babies" Cuz I have an endless list of women who do.

The whole azn girl thing that are underage, I dont know what I can say to that, maybe he's just joking around, maybe he's serious.

All and all, he wants to be with you. Thats it. Yes he may say things on the internetz, but I can saying I'm an 8 foot red headed russia mobster, its the internet, no one cares! He wants to be with you, if its not enough then you shouldnt be with him

[vertical_sky]

Ok well the fact you broke every privacy rule in this relationship, kinda says you guys shouldnt be together. Men rate women all the time, but its not like women dont do the same, you ever watch a movie and say something along the lines of "I would have *insert actors name* babies" Cuz I have an endless list of women who do.

Okay this confuses me, cause it's something I and my ex argued about as well.... How is it seeing stuff on a forum breaking privacy rules in the relationship? Maybe it's one of those forums you need to register to view, in which case she's brushing up against the acceptable line, but if it's public, and you can find it on Google, is it really private?? If he uses the same screen name, and identifies himself, is it any different than if he say plastered posters of himself saying this stuff on the sides of buildings around town?

I completely agree you should respect someone else's privacy in a relationship.... So no snooping in their phone, their email, etc., but if everyone else with access to an Internet connection can read it, why is it somehow bad if YOU read it? How could she have known the posts contained anything but general information chit chat?

Just seems the reality of the Internet makes your whole "you broke the privacy rules!" statement not entirely true... Cause yeah sometimes women objectify men, but I feel like there's a difference between a) doing it inside your head b) doing it in your living room with close friends c) posting about it publicly on the Internet.

[Regnent]

Okay this confuses me, cause it's something I and my ex argued about as well.... How is it seeing stuff on a forum breaking privacy rules in the relationship? Maybe it's one of those forums you need to register to view, in which case she's brushing up against the acceptable line, but if it's public, and you can find it on Google, is it really private?? If he uses the same screen name, and identifies himself, is it any different than if he say plastered posters of himself saying this stuff on the sides of buildings around town?

As soon as it's information found by going out of your way, you're crossing a line.
In many cases, if you dig a little, you're going to find something that bothers you. You dig into their past sex life, chances are, something's going to upset you.
You go and start looking up posts online, odds are, you're going to be disappointed.

ANYTHING beyond what they do with you, or for the couple, is across the little privacy line. Keep in mind, the trust line is something else.
If you choose to step over that line, and look at what they're doing, you're just ASKING for disappointment.

Even in a relationship, privacy can be important. It's what allows people to still be who they are. It can be oggling Asian chicks, or enjoying golf with a certain gay guy, or maybe hanging out with some buds, and venting about their SO. You do -not- need to know every stupid little thing we do, and in many cases, we either don't WANT you to, or you're going to make a fuss over it, and ruin it for us.

Both men and women have every right to be a man, or a woman. But we both must act accordingly around our partners, so we need need somewhere or time, or thing to let those others things out.

As to point C, it's anonymously. There's a reason people choose the internet to express themselves.

[vertical_sky]

As soon as it's information found by going out of your way, you're crossing a line.
In many cases, if you dig a little, you're going to find something that bothers you. You dig into their past sex life, chances are, something's going to upset you.
You go and start looking up posts online, odds are, you're going to be disappointed.

ANYTHING beyond what they do with you, or for the couple, is across the little privacy line. Keep in mind, the trust line is something else.
If you choose to step over that line, and look at what they're doing, you're just ASKING for disappointment.

Except she didn't go out of her way to find the information (IF she's telling the truth that she came across the forum while wandering... Her insecurity issues might indicate this is a lie to make herself look better, but I'm inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt because I've come across posts of friends on fetish websites cause I was bored and randomly following hyperlinks at 2 am. Damn you Dan Savage comment pages...) You start splitting hairs when you say "out of the way..." For instance, when I sent my ex a link to an article I was reading on a news website, where I also happened to comment, and he clicks on my account to see other articles I've commented on, is that "going out of his way?" Technically I opened the door, and "out of your way" should surely require more effort than just a single click.

Also, I don't buy the whole "anything they do outside the couple." In long term committed relationships, a lot (not everything, but a lot) of what you do reflects back onto your relationship. If my (hypothetical) bf is taking up-skirt shots of girls and posting them on the Internet, or hosting numerous KKK websites... technically that's outside "what we do as a couple," but isn't that important information to have about someone's significant other?

I agree, privacy IS important... What I'm quibbling about is the nature of privacy on the Internet. I believe nothing is EVER anonymous online (you stay anonymous depending on how much effort someone decides to spend tracking down your identity.) I think there is a very very large social difference between bitching about your SO over a beer with some trusted friends, and posting the same rant online for everyone to see. One is private and one is public.

[smackie9]

Whoa! settle down there. He's a guy and this is what guys do....they talk the talk about girls so what's the big deal?. Guys like to brag and boast about their sexual prowess, but it doesn't mean they act upon it. I'll let you on a little secret.....guys like to look and fantasize about other women. You are pretty narrow minded if you think YOU are the only one he thinks of. Of course he loves you and no other, but it doesn't mean he's not going to cheat in his head......whatever happens in one's head is no ones business, period! It's the way it is hun and there is no stopping it, well I guess you could either accept it or just pretend it doesn't happen.

[Regnent]

You start splitting hairs when you say "out of the way..." For instance, when I sent my ex a link to an article I was reading on a news website, where I also happened to comment, and he clicks on my account to see other articles I've commented on, is that "going out of his way?" Technically I opened the door, and "out of your way" should surely require more effort than just a single click.

Yes, it's going out of the way, and you also 'opened the door' by pointing out the original article.
The point is, when he turns around and check to see what else you've been reading, he is going out of his way to see what you're reading. He didn't leave it at article 1, he's looking.
That's fine, but for him to turn around and become upset about something you read, because he LOOKED for it, is not your problem. It's his. he choose to go through the door and snoop around.
You start lifting peoples rugs, you're going to find surprises you didn't want to see.
Solution? don't be looking under rugs.

Also, I don't buy the whole "anything they do outside the couple." In long term committed relationships, a lot (not everything, but a lot) of what you do reflects back onto your relationship. If my (hypothetical) bf is taking up-skirt shots of girls and posting them on the Internet, or hosting numerous KKK websites... technically that's outside "what we do as a couple," but isn't that important information to have about someone's significant other?

We're talking about rating asian chicks, and other generic types of 'privacy' things. By all means, pull out extremes. I would offer different comments as well. This case is a minor 'normal' thing, which she may end up dwelling on, and it's her choice. Your more extreme examples are exactly that, extreme, and I would hope anyone in that situation would head for the hills.

I agree, privacy IS important... What I'm quibbling about is the nature of privacy on the Internet. I believe nothing is EVER anonymous online (you stay anonymous depending on how much effort someone decides to spend tracking down your identity.) I think there is a very very large social difference between bitching about your SO over a beer with some trusted friends, and posting the same rant online for everyone to see. One is private and one is public.

We differ opinions on this one. I consider the internet a general trash heap. I don't take much stock in what anyone does on it. I would personally find it far more offending to find out my SO is bitching about me to her friends, than to random people on the 'net.

Example, the nick I use here, is known to my wife. It's also fairly unique. As far as usernames go. If my wife happened to stumble here, and have complaints, I wouldn't be taking any shit from it. I'd get getting it, but I wouldn't be submiting myself to her invading my 'space'.

[smackie9]

All you have to do is Google smackie9 and you will see every site I post on and all the posts I have ever done over the last 8 years.....