Why can a girl not be friendly..without leading a man on?

[VincenzoG91]

YES - You have to be clear and tell them all you want is a friendship, and nothing more.

"I told him last week i was anything but ready to start seeing anybody"

To some guys that might seem there is still a small chance they can go beyond friendship status. Even if it is sometime further down the road.

And then there's this whole modern concept of Friends With Benefits. Leave things vague, and some guys will see opportunity, or at least cause for hope.

[SelflessnHumble]

I can clear this up for you, having been a victim of being led on by a woman who was nothing but nice and sweet (like you are naturally)


You aren't of this world in the sense that most people think, "This person talked to me: they must want to F uck me."

They must be interested in me because they gave me eye contact (a sign of mutual respect)
They must like me because they engaged in a conversation and asked me how *I* was doing. (being polite)

Now, you messed up with your guy friend...Why?
When a girl tells me, "I am anything but ready to start seeing anybody," Guess what I hear? Guess what men hear?

"I am anything but ready to start seeing YOU, but when I am ready? You have a chance with me." <--------------End thread.

So, what to do?
STOP having males freaking friends!!!!

(1) You cannot handle their advances...and
(2) They cannot construe your friendship as anything other than interest for a potential physical relationship.


It's not your fault this man is depraved from having sex with attractive women OR he hasn't been touched other than
the "peace be with you" portion of Sunday's Mass...BUT if you cannot deal with his advances:

SPELL IT OUT IN CHALK:

I DON'T LIKE YOU, and I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE I DO NOT FIND YOU APPEALING NOR ATTRACTIVE. I TALK TO YOU BECAUSE THE TIME BETWEEN HAVING A BOWEL MOVEMENT AND SITTING UP AFTER WIPING I'M BORED SO I WANT A MAN'S ATTENTION.

[SelflessnHumble]

I've tried to be friends with women in the past, but my penis tends to get in the way.

I think that's a love song by Gloria Estefan.

[JadenMia]

Maybe i do need to just be more straight up.. I have been pretty truthful though i said i dont want to get into anything with anyone for a long time the first time he started talking to me.. And then he cooled it off.. The next time he asked me to hang out i said again, look it seems like your asking me on a date and i have said no and dont want too and only ever want to be FRIENDS. And he just said yeah of course i just want to make friends in this town.. So i was like okay.. I have been ignoring him everytime he has text or called since.. And then he ends up showing up at my work. I work as a cashier in the only superstore in town here so its hard to stay away from him.. lol
The next time he texts i will say i am not attracted to him in any way shape or form.. See how that goes down

And i do like male attention usually.. Not right now though to be honest, i pretty much ignore every call or text i get from any man.. I just cant be bothered with men at the minute. lol

My point being really its just annoying i cant be simply friendly to the opposite sex without them trying something. And its not that i intentionally go out to meet men either.. I dont really NEED male friends, It would just be nice to have a friendship with a man. thats all..
Thanks for everybodies input

[xxazurexx]

Maybe i do need to just be more straight up.. I have been pretty truthful though i said i dont want to get into anything with anyone for a long time the first time he started talking to me.. And then he cooled it off.. The next time he asked me to hang out i said again, look it seems like your asking me on a date and i have said no and dont want too and only ever want to be FRIENDS. And he just said yeah of course i just want to make friends in this town.. So i was like okay.. I have been ignoring him everytime he has text or called since.. And then he ends up showing up at my work. I work as a cashier in the only superstore in town here so its hard to stay away from him.. lol
The next time he texts i will say i am not attracted to him in any way shape or form.. See how that goes down

And i do like male attention usually.. Not right now though to be honest, i pretty much ignore every call or text i get from any man.. I just cant be bothered with men at the minute. lol

My point being really its just annoying i cant be simply friendly to the opposite sex without them trying something. And its not that i intentionally go out to meet men either.. I dont really NEED male friends, It would just be nice to have a friendship with a man. thats all..
Thanks for everybodies input

Even when you are straight with them, they can perceive it as your playing hard to get. Some are just way to dense, or they just cant take a rejection....
He's probably telling all his mates you must be a 'lesbian'.

[ASMD]

Men have a more or less one track mind. Sex. If a guy goes up to a girl and is just being friendly, thats him trying to get in their pant, so if you do the same, we honestly think you want us. There are exceptions, but not many. I'm friends with a lot of girls, but if one of them even hinted at the fact they would give me a shot, I would be on that quicker then white on rice. Unless I wasn't attracted to her.

[xxazurexx]

Men have a more or less one track mind. Sex. If a guy goes up to a girl and is just being friendly, thats him trying to get in their pant, so if you do the same, we honestly think you want us.

I was gonna say the same, but I'd have had my head chewed off and for daring to suggest it ^^^

[JadenMia]

I was gonna say the same, but I'd have had my head chewed off and for daring to suggest it ^^^

Ugh. Im starting to dislike men, more and more everyday :S

[MAXRacer]

A man who has experience with women would be able to tell whether she wants him or just wants to be friends. Every time a girl retreats because of a man's advances is a sign she isn't ready. The guy is obviously inexperienced with women if he can't tell she isn't into him. Don't worry sweetie. You didn't do anything wrong. The guy just didn't know better.

[Regnent]

Nope, you can't be friendly without expecting being hit on.

If you're half assed attractive, and friendly, you're asking to get hit on unless you come across as a complete bitch.

If you want to dwell on it, and think poorly of it, then by all means. Otherwise, maybe you could just tell people you're not interested, instead of avoiding them.

[Regnent]

Men have a more or less one track mind. Sex. If a guy goes up to a girl and is just being friendly, thats him trying to get in their pant, so if you do the same, we honestly think you want us. There are exceptions, but not many. I'm friends with a lot of girls, but if one of them even hinted at the fact they would give me a shot, I would be on that quicker then white on rice. Unless I wasn't attracted to her.

Naw, it's not purely sex. But yah, if some men see any sort of opening, they'll try for it.

Personally, I think some women need to get over it, and just deal with the fact that is what guys do.

[xxazurexx]

Personally, I think some women need to get over it, and just deal with the fact that is what guys do.

Or you all need to 'back off' and quit assuming that every woman on the planet might want you.

I feel like resorting to wearing a burkha sometimes - at least it would keep all the 'horndogs' away.

I used to visit this chat applet and another thing that makes me laugh about guys is, some of them would send messages that said,
'hey, you are really hot...I want to meet up with you and get to know you better'...

WTF???? He wants to meet up and before he even knows whether I have an interest or not. It's like they just ASSume I am up for meeting and that because they have an interest, it must mean that I have an interest too.

Another time, this guy messaged and I said I was there and just for friends and because he clearly wasn't my type at all. He'd then proceeded to say 'Well we can begin as 'friends' then meet up and see where it leads'....WTF?????
What made him think I was looking for it to lead anywhere??????

It's like I had absolutely no say in these matters. All it got these bozos, was blocked

Honestly!....

[xxazurexx]

Ugh. Im starting to dislike men, more and more everyday :S

When you don't have an interest, they are best avoided and especially if they are the type who will accuse you of 'playing hard to get' and they just DON'T get the message. I've had plenty experience with men like this and the 'avoid' thing is the 'only' thing that usually worked. Playing 'total bitch' didn't work.....they claimed to like 'fiery and feisty' women.....which is a bigger turn on (so they claim)

[ASMD]

I think why we as men automatically assume that a girl is interested, is because we don't want to miss an opportunity.

Most men, including myself, really arn't out there to make friends with women. We don't see a girl at a bar and think, "She'd make a good friend, I'll go talk to her" So when a girl approaches us we feel you think the same

And which would you rather, have a guy that you have interest in, think that your interested in him and act accordingly, or have him think that you arn't interested in him and not give you the light of day?

In us assuming you are interested, we give you our attention.

If we are really interested and you act like you arn't, we lie to our selves and believe you are. Blame this on those women who decided long ago to begining the trend of playing hard to get. You guys just made it more difficult for us to understand, and therefore we assume you are into us.

[xxazurexx]

I think why we as men automatically assume that a girl is interested, is because we don't want to miss an opportunity.

Most men, including myself, really arn't out there to make friends with women. We don't see a girl at a bar and think, "She'd make a good friend, I'll go talk to her" So when a girl approaches us we feel you think the same [/quote

And which would you rather, have a guy that you have interest in, think that your interested in him and act accordingly, or have him think that you arn't interested in him and not give you the light of day?

In us assuming you are interested, we give you our attention.

If we are really interested and you act like you arn't, we lie to our selves and believe you are. Blame this on those women who decided long ago to begining the trend of playing hard to get. You guys just made it more difficult for us to understand, and therefore we assume you are into us.

Well don't get me wrong, I don't mind guys approaching, guys will always do that and they have to approach or else they wouldn't know if a female was interested.
The guys that bug me, are the ones you mention I've bolded.....the ones who don't take 'no' for an answer.

The whole top and bottom is, most women do not like to reject and they go about rejecting in the kindest way possible and so as not to hurt feelings...it's just the way we are and I guess that can lead to confusion for guys. What women should say is 'Look...you repulse me, I would never date you in a million years, leave me the fck alone'!!!! LOL

If a woman is into you and I mean a 'woman' not a girl, she will rarely play 'hard to get'. She will be reciprocative of your advances and you would never have to second guess her interest.

A woman who is half hearted or not sure about you, might not make herself as available to you as the really interested woman would and because she's trying to figure it out....that isn't playing hard to get, although it may be perceived that she is. You would know if there was some kind of interest and because she doesn't always make an excuse to cancel your dates and so continue to pursue her if that is what you want to do.

The woman who is totally not into you, will be unavailable and make excuses time after time and to the guy who doesn't appear to be getting the message. I'm unsure why 'no interest' is so difficult for men to read or for you to accept....because I'd know if a guy wasn't interested in me and I'd move on.