Finding it Hard to Take the Right Steps

[tmj99]

Hi again. Hopefully some of you have read my thread and my unusual situation.

The point of this thread though is for those also suffering a broken heart, how do you take action to help yourself? I know the theory, stay busy, keep your mind occupied. I'm an emotional guy though and I find this really hard. The pain is on my mind as soon as I wake up, then I dwell, and before I know it it is consuming me again.

Just finding it so hard to put one foot in front of the other.

Any thoughts?

[steviej]

Honestly? This forum.

Knowing there are others going through hell makes it somehow easier to deal with. It's a strange connection shared with complete strangers that somehow relaxes me, calms down the jitters, the anxiety, takes my mind off my situation. I woke up this morning feeling massively depressed, i found this site, read through other peoples situations and posted my own. The replies helped me get out of bed, attempt food and leave the house. Same as i'm reading it now before bed!

The other thing that has helped me enormously is a few friends who are girls that i trust and confide in. Women are great to speak to because they love to talk about relationship problems and feelings for hours and offer great advice and give lots of different perspectives that i hadn't considered. Male friends, they'll listen to the story once, give you a quick 'this is what you should do' answer and that's it, they don't want to hear about it any more, lol.

It really is 'one day at a time' though, although at the minute it feels like one hour at a time, as my mood and feelings change so much.

[Ric]

Last time I nearly collapsed, so I had to take some medication to get through the first few weeks.
After that, it was, as hard as it was, just getting occupied. Doing something which I could lose myself in. And of course talking to close friends.
But the thing that helped me out the most was getting a crush on a girl.
Well, I already had a slight crush on her before my relationship, but I let it resurface, and even knowing it was hopeless, the feeling of being interested in someone besides my ex helped me pull through.

[tmj99]

Thanks. Yes I agree on the forum, it helps. I think your description Steviej was spot on. I'll keep on trying. I guess the other thing is not to expect miracles overnight.

[ashley89]

I'm going through the same thing now. it's been about 2 months and while the pain has definitely subsided by a huge amount, it's still there. I still have my sad days where I miss him and cry and think about what he's doing and all that stuff. but the thing is that with time, it gets easier and more bearable. while it sounds really cliche, it's true!

some steps I've taken to help with the break-up have been first of all having NO contact. this sounds horrible when you first break up, but it works the best. as soon as my ex and I stopped talking altogether, it instantly made things a little bit easier. I was able to start accepting that it really was over and that we weren't gonna be together anymore. also, going out with friends really helped me. they kept me busy and having a good time, and I've actually met alot of really cool people through them that I wouldn't have had the chance to meet if I were still with my ex. writing in a journal helps ALOT! you can write down anything you're feeling, whether it's good, bad, sad, angry, random, and the best part is that no one else can see it but you! it really helps me vent my feelings, and I like writing in it right before bed. I read this book called "It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken" - it's more directed towards girls who get dumped, but I'm sure guys can get useful tips out of it too. it took a humorous approach to breakups and so many things in it were true.

it sucks, it's not a fun thing to go through. but you'll get there. I'm still going through it now but I can say things have gotten alot better and they will continue to, and they will for you too =)

[DarkHelmet82]

I dont have a good answer for you.. i go on here and I talk to my family and friends.. I pray A LOT... heres what is odd.. I kind of just instantly feel better now. Dont know why and I hope it lasts this time.. but i feel good. If I can do it you can.. It gets easier

[seganomics]

But the thing that helped me out the most was getting a crush on a girl.

I did the same thing only with a guy Having those flutters helps you push forward.

This forum does help a lot because you learn how universal what you're feeling is. It puts it in perspective as something that everyone goes thru so it must have an end point.

I deleted my facebook profile for now. It keeps away all the photos and temptations of seeing what your ex is doing, and it forced me to get out and actually socialize instead of depending on cyber consolation. Most importantly I allow it to hurt sometimes. Breaking up sucks. It's painful. It's ok to cry and be angry and grieve. But after I let that happen then I go find something that makes me happy like watching saturday night live clips.

It's been four months now, and it's getting easier. The time it needs to hurt is getting less, and the time I spend being happy is getting to be more.

[tmj99]

Thanks everyone, that's all really helpful.

Ashley, I'm really interested in the journal. Do you keep what you have written? I ask because my pysch said that writing down feelings was great therapy, but to destroy what you have written shortly afterwards so you don't keep reading and dwelling.

[steviej]

I just discovered the hardest part of my day is after work, the house is empty and i go in the kitchen to make food. It really hits me then. This is when we'd both meet up at the end of the day, talk about what we'd been doing, rant, laugh, cook, chill out etc

It hit me hard today and i nearly caved in and tried to contact her. Instead though an old friend came over who i haven't seen in months, she was just what i needed! Completely took my mind of things, we had a great chat catching up and she listened to my nonsense and gave very good advice.
I'm gonna have to do this now for quite a while, i need to have company around between 7-10pm, lucky i have good friends to help out

[ashley89]

Thanks everyone, that's all really helpful.

Ashley, I'm really interested in the journal. Do you keep what you have written? I ask because my pysch said that writing down feelings was great therapy, but to destroy what you have written shortly afterwards so you don't keep reading and dwelling.

yeah, I've kept mine. I haven't written in it too too much - usually I do when I'm feeling something I just wanna get down on paper, or before I go to bed to sort out my feelings. I haven't gone back and read any old entries yet. I'm not sure if or when I will, I guess I'm just kinda taking it day by day right now so we'll see what happens =)