Do any ladies agree?

[JadenMia]

Well if you write the way you have done in this thread.. Then i can safely 100% guarantee you that i would not reply to your messages either.

You just remind me of a jerk that thinks he is 'Oh so awesome'.

[vashti]

if that picture is you in your avatar, I would probably not respond, but not because you don't look nice (you have nice arms, from what I can see), but because my assumption is that you spend a LOT of time in the gym, and are probably hyper-focused on your body, which is a little boring, to be honest. You would have to have a really strong written profile to override that impression.

[xxazurexx]

If that is him in the avatar, I wouldn't respond either.

Simple fact he's standing a mile away from the camera and I like to see a close up and clear pic of a face. If I cant make out facial features, I never respond.

[sweetkissesforu]

As a guy, I don't agree. A pic might bump up the attention a notch, but I really do think women respond very well to the right verbal (or written) communication.

I've read mens and womens profiles on occasion, and honestly, many either strike me as bullshit, or desperate, or just horny.
Mind you, I've never been all that great on the whole chasing women thing, but still. I think I read things fairly well, and many, many profiles just set off my bs alarm.

You are sterotyping because it is the internet and this is not POF or a dating site
this is a forum bout relationships, dating, broken hearts help people get answers to problems

These are reasons why most would not answer your message
1) no picture
2) the senders sounds desparate
3) No information written in the profile
4) women in general are not superfical like men are visual

[doppelgaenger]

Thought I'd give a male perspective to balance out all the harsh comments from the ladies.

I tried online dating years ago (hate to admit this) and I didn't have very much success. Most of the girls my age in my area seemed to have too much baggage (kids, etc.) or just weren't the right kind of girl for me. I messaged a few girls and got quite a few replies back... went on some dates, even ended up in bed with two of them, but ended up not liking any of them. Girls also messaged me, but they usually had something wrong with them and I was too repulsed to even give them a courtesy reply. There were a lot of girls I wrote to who never even bothered to write back, though, and I'm pretty sure they had a passable excuse (since I consider myself a pretty good catch), but it kind of sucks when you take your time to write a nice message to them and they don't even take the time to reply. That's why I think it's a lot easier and more feasible to just approach girls IRL - you know right away if she likes you or not and you don't waste as much time - so less frustration.

Any girls who are worth dating online are pretty selective about who they date, I'd say even more than girls you might approach IRL... because these are girls who can't find what they're looking for IRL so they are pretty desperate to find it online (yeah, could be unrealistic expectations, but not always).. It really is all about the first impression - and this is something you're making without even seeing the person face-to-face. It's about how you present yourself in the photos (not simply your looks) and also how you present yourself in writing. Every girl is looking for something in particular, and it just happens that of all the 125 girls you messaged apparently did not find your self-presentation appealing. Sorry, that's just the cold-cut truth about it. There's not much else we can say and our comments won't really be helpful if you're going to have a stuck-up attitude about it. You need to be open to criticism and take comments with a grain of salt and not take yourself and dating so seriously. If you could just develop a carefree attitude and learn to simply accept things the way they are, you'd find that the ladies will enjoy spending more time around you.

I suppose if you really care about having more success with online dating, you could post your profile or messages you wrote and we could critique.

Cheers, and good luck.

[Take2]

I am so confused to read others' online dating experience. I know it is rougher for guys, every guy I went out with basically confirmed that adjusting for equal levels of hotness, guys hear from about 10% as many girls as girls hear from guys-both original messages and responses to messages.

Still.

The guys I talked to didn't take that personally, it's a numbers game. You just keep looking and don't get hung up on NEEDING to find someone online. Which is how I viewed it.

And while I only did online dating for 3 months, I just didn't see it as a bad thing at all. I got approached by creepy guys, I told them no thank you. I went out with guys who were needy, I told them no thank you. I met perfectly awesome guys who weren't a good match for me, I told them no thank you or in one case he told me no thank you. I made one new friend who I talk to all the time. I met one awesome boyfriend who I am still dating almost 7 months later, and this one is getting serious. I suggested online dating to two friends, they are both now in happy long-term relationships. I just don't get the angst about online dating.

[doppelgaenger]

I am so confused to read others' online dating experience. I know it is rougher for guys, every guy I went out with basically confirmed that adjusting for equal levels of hotness, guys hear from about 10% as many girls as girls hear from guys-both original messages and responses to messages.

Still.

The guys I talked to didn't take that personally, it's a numbers game. You just keep looking and don't get hung up on NEEDING to find someone online. Which is how I viewed it.

How would you feel if you were looking online for a nice guy to be with - you weren't setting the bar very high in terms of standards - you were just looking for a decent guy who is fairly attractive, but in most aspects, average. The only guys who write to you are creepy, fat, ugly, uneducated, or psychotic... in other words, there is always something wrong with them, so wrong, that you would never even consider being seen with them in public. Meanwhile, you invest a significant amount of your time searching for and writing a 2-3 paragraph message to every decent guy in the area who you think you have a fair shot at dating... and most, if not all of them do not reply. Don't you think, at least, in the back of your mind, you'd consider the possibility that something is wrong with you? I think it would do a number on your self-esteem, particularly if you're not very experienced with dating. At the very least, you'd be disappointed and regret wasting all your time writing messages to those guys, because they didn't even give you a chance. It's a perfectly normal reaction to feel bad when you don't have much success with something, and I'd appreciate if you'd acknowledge that.

[Take2]

Of course! That is why I am so confused by people's description of internet dating being like that. If it had been like that for me, for my friends, for the other guys I talked to about it, I think we would all have felt demoralized and that the whole experience was worse than a waste of time. It's just so far from my experience, it baffles me.

Personally, I replied to every guy who sent me a message, unless the message was insulting or vulgar. I even replied politely to the 60-something polyamorous libertarian, though there was absolutely no chance I was EVER going on a date with him. I do understand why hot 22-year-olds don't reply, though. I am a 35-year-old single mother with a few extra pounds on me...and I had a steady stream of guys contacting me every day. A slimmer and younger woman with no kids must be absolutely inundated!

[UnknownSld]

Now the responses from Vashti on down are more what I was looking for. Thank you for being civil in this discussion.

Well if you write the way you have done in this thread.. Then i can safely 100% guarantee you that i would not reply to your messages either. You just remind me of a jerk that thinks he is 'Oh so awesome'.

To be honest JadenMia, no I really don't think I am "Oh so awesome" as you put it. Personally I do not think anyone is better than any other person. We are all people, we are all the same despite our looks and should be treated as so unless given a reason not to be. I do not believe in discrimination of any kind.

if that picture is you in your avatar, I would probably not respond, but not because you don't look nice (you have nice arms, from what I can see), but because my assumption is that you spend a LOT of time in the gym, and are probably hyper-focused on your body, which is a little boring, to be honest. You would have to have a really strong written profile to override that impression.

No, in fact I do not spend a lot of time in the gym. On average I spend maybe 7 hours a week in the gym, about an hour and a half 4 days a week. Growing up as a kid, I was always the smallest in my class and well under weight. I go to the gym to gain weight, get back in better shape and become stronger for myself not anyone else.

If that is him in the avatar, I wouldn't respond either. Simple fact he's standing a mile away from the camera and I like to see a close up and clear pic of a face. If I cant make out facial features, I never respond.

There is a reason I do not take close up pictures. Simply put, my close up pictures do not look very good because I have had acne and blemishing problems since I was about 10. My teeth are not perfect either. They are not rotten but they are gapped and one is chipped from a fight I was in as a kid when 3 kids jumped me. Again, that is part of the reason I want to get a little more into shape. One of the last girls I actually got to go on a date with me pulled out of the driveway as I went to lock up the door. She sent me a text later and said the reason why she left was because I was not as good looking as I am in my pictures. Here is this close up good enough?
[url=http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=434854298245&set=a.426947963245.204 741.726993245]Login | Facebook[/url]

[UnknownSld]

Oh and here, this is a description of me from one of the dating sites.

Well, now this by far is going to be the most fun to write. As I stated in my last post, not everyone knows how to sum themselves up in just a few sentences or paragraphs. People in general are much deeper than just a few lousy words. But I guess it is about time I really give this a shot, though I am not sure how or where to begin. Here goes nothing I guess.

Who I am, well I can start off by describing myself physically. I am thin but not skinny, I am athletic but not a body builder. I do not have your perfect model looks but I am still an attractive man. To be honest who I am goes much deeper than looks.

I was born and raised in Florida. A southern gentlemen/ country boy at heart. I love the outdoors whether it be hiking, fishing, boating, camping, four wheeling or you name it. With the right people I can have fun any where I go. Usually I am a very quiet person but when I get more comfortable with the people I am around then I let loose a little more. Obviously if you haven't been able to tell by now, I like having real conversations about REAL stuff. I don't mean how big some girls hooters were or how nice of an ass they had. I guess you can thank the Army for a big part of that as well as my parents.

I was raised in a pretty tight nit family. We take care of each other as best as we can. Whenever one of us needs help or one of us is in trouble we try to help them out. Just like we do for really close friends. I was raised with manors and to treat people the way that I want to be treated. Even if those other people do not treat me in the same manor. I'm the kind of guy that will stop and help someone stranded on the side of the road, providing I am able to do so. For instance I stopped to help a woman and her children put out a fire in the engine of their truck knowing that I could have been hurt if the fire got out of control or hit by one of the speeding semi's.

I am a very laid back caring person who has no problem with helping anyone as long as they do not take advantage of my kindness and are willing to help themselves. Many people like to talk about how many fights they have been in or how many people they have ****ed. Well, sorry but that is not me. I will try to avoid fights as much as possible unless I really have no choice. Why, you might ask. Well simply because I do not want to hurt anyone unless I have to. Am I a bad ass that can kick everyones ass? No, there is not a single person in this world that can beat up everyone. Nor would I ever display myself as a bad ass. But believe me when I say I can handle myself and have done it plenty of times in the past. Especially when it comes to protecting the people I care most about.

As far as talking about how many women I have slept with. Well, that is no one's business to know but mine. Not to mention I will not objectify women as sex objects like that or lead anyone to believe that these women are whores. That has never been nor will it ever be who I am.

At heart, I am very much a romantic and I still believe in chivalry. If you do not know what chivalry is, it is the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor and dexterity in arms. Or more simply put, courtesy towards women. What does this mean? Basically I am the guy that will open a door for you, I will let you walk in a restaurant or store first. No, not to check out your ass get your mind out of the gutter lol.

I know women love funny guys, well I have a weird since of humor I guess you could say. Takes a while to really understand my jokes. However I do not make jokes often but I can be a bit clumsy which is fine by me because I will even laugh at myself. For example the other day I tripped coming down the stairs at my friends apartment. Just like anyone else, yes I can get embarrassed but I try not to.

Every day I try to live by 7 values I learned over and over in the military. Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity and Personal Courage. Believe me when I say those have really helped me to become a better person.

A little more about what I like, well I love music, art and sports. I have been drawing since the sixth grade and I am fairly good at it. If I can draw peoples portraits, that has to count for something right? Music, well I listen to just about everything accept for mexican, polka, opera, techno and pop music. Most of the time you will catch me listening to country or hip hop. Generally I like music that I can relate to in one way or another or something that just has a good beat that I can actually understand. Football and mixed martial arts are my favorite sports but I will play just about any sport. Even if it is just putting golf balls down range at peoples golf carts haha. Yes, I did that a lot as a kid.

But mini golf is awesome. I also enjoy paint ball and go kart racing. So if you like any of these activities we could get alone pretty well. Maybe we can even spend a day at Grand Prix in Tampa. Other activities I enjoy are relaxing at the beach or watching a movie. I like kicking back and having a few beers with close friends and loved ones around a bonfire as long as no one gets pushed in. Happened once but no one got hurt I promise.

Hopefully by now you can see that I am no dummy. I am no genius but I have been told I am pretty intelligent. I guess maybe they are right. Oh and no, I do not like to brag about stupid stuff so no, I am not bragging. I love learning about just about anything I can learn. History was one of my favorite subjects in school, especially military history.

The things I want most in life is to have a family and a good career. I would like to get back in the military if I can, but currently I am getting things worked out to go to the police academy. I have never been in any serious trouble with the law thank god. One day, I would very much like to work for a Federal Agency like the FBI or US Marshals. Time will tell with that one.

Over all I am a pretty easy person to get along with and a good person at heart. I do not play games, cheat, lead people on or use them. Anything that I want, I go out and earn it for myself. So basically this is me, take it or leave it. That is all up to you, but good luck if you decide I am not the right one. Even if I may not be, couldn't hurt to make a new friend though, right? It's in your court now ladies.

[Regnent]

You are sterotyping because it is the internet and this is not POF or a dating site
this is a forum bout relationships, dating, broken hearts help people get answers to problems

Hrm?! What?
I'm refering to 'dating' or other.. uhm. Meet people(??) sites. Be it personals in the paper (no, not THOSE personals), to random profiles on any given random dating site. (Yes, I get bored)
Many profiles simply don't sit well with me. I read them, and I just don't trust the information.. 75% of the time.

These are reasons why most would not answer your message
1) no picture
2) the senders sounds desparate
3) No information written in the profile
4) women in general are not superficial like men are visual

No picture is worse than a bad picture. Agreed.
2 and 3, yah.

4.... While males can be visually narrow minded, I don't think women are all that innocent.

[UnknownSld]

Hrm?! What?
I'm refering to 'dating' or other.. uhm. Meet people(??) sites. Be it personals in the paper (no, not THOSE personals), to random profiles on any given random dating site. (Yes, I get bored)
Many profiles simply don't sit well with me. I read them, and I just don't trust the information.. 75% of the time.


No picture is worse than a bad picture. Agreed.
2 and 3, yah.

4.... While males can be visually narrow minded, I don't think women are all that innocent.

I agree and while you are right, most of the time you can not trust what someone says on their profile about who they are. That is why I take into account peoples pictures as well. As far as who I say that I am, I have no reason to lie about it. I live by these values every day of my life (Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, Personal Courage and Honesty). I really try not to be judgmental but when it comes to possible relationships I am. The only two relationships I have been in, both females cheated on me so I have a right to be. I also agree that women are not as INNOCENT as they sometimes claim to be. But no one is completely innocent in this day and age. Not even kids.

[doppelgaenger]

Well, it's written nicely, but you need to focus on the content a little more. First thing I would get rid of is the disclaimer at the beginning - it's not really necessary, especially with the length of text you've provided, which should probably be shortened down to three or four paragraphs. You don't need to give your life story to prove that you're deep... instead you should be terse and punctilious. You make a lot of hollow/meaningless generalizations and assumptions about yourself - "I'm a good-hearted country boy and a gentleman." - these are things you do not have to mention; they should be obvious in your self-description. There are more effective ways to demonstrate your virtue and confidence - give an anecdote or write about something you're passionate about. Furthermore, if you've included pictures of yourself and all that jazz, it's unnecessary and pretentious to talk about your appearance in your profile.\

You don't need to mention how you can have fun with the right people or how you like to have conversations about "real stuff". Mentioning 'hooters' and 'ass' in your profile is really vulgar and disrespectful, even though you're not intending to be. When you address those topics [around women], you have to be careful exactly how you say what you're going to say. We'll work on that below.

Another thing - you say you love the outdoors and mention all the activities and hobbies you like to do outdoors, but you don't really talk about why you love the outdoors. You don't have to mimic Wordsworth to woo the girls with romantic ideas about nature, but if you really like being outdoors, you should have something to say about it. What is it? The crisp smell of pine needles and the brisk morning air? Do you like watching the sunrise? Do you feel a spiritual connection with the earth when you're in nature? Expand and contrast. Talk about how papa took you fishing when you were a boy and it's your favorite pastime. Talk about your favorite kind of fish to eat and how you can fillet and grill it on an open fire.

I was born and raised in Florida. I love the outdoors whether it be hiking, fishing, boating, camping, four wheeling or you name it. Usually I am a very quiet person but when I get more comfortable with the people I am around then I let loose a little more. Obviously if you haven't been able to tell by now, I like having real conversations about REAL stuff. I don't mean how big some girls hooters were or how nice of an ass they had. I guess you can thank the Army for a big part of that as well as my parents.

Better:

I'm a war veteran from FL, born and raised. Unlike most men these days, my parents taught me to respect women and my military duties shaped me into the man I am today. Though a leader in the military, I live a quiet, introverted lifestyle. I'm hoping to meet a nice woman someday, with whom I can share my passion of nature. She'd have to be into camping and she'd better like grilled Walleye, because every summer, I enjoy continuing my favorite pastime - fishing - that brings back good ol' memories of fishing with dad and the boys.

How can you transition to this little anecdote without coming off as pretentious?:

For instance I stopped to help a woman and her children put out a fire in the engine of their truck knowing that I could have been hurt if the fire got out of control or hit by one of the speeding semi's.

I am a very laid back caring person who has no problem with helping anyone as long as they do not take advantage of my kindness and are willing to help themselves. Many people like to talk about how many fights they have been in or how many people they have ****ed. Well, sorry but that is not me. I will try to avoid fights as much as possible unless I really have no choice. Why, you might ask. Well simply because I do not want to hurt anyone unless I have to. Am I a bad ass that can kick everyones ass? No, there is not a single person in this world that can beat up everyone. Nor would I ever display myself as a bad ass. But believe me when I say I can handle myself and have done it plenty of times in the past. Especially when it comes to protecting the people I care most about.

This paragraph is laden with all kinds of stuff you don't want to tell a girl. "sorry but I don't talk about girls I f•••ed" - this is completely unnecessary, and guess what? He who smelt it dealt it. Need I explain more?

As far as talking about how many women I have slept with. Well, that is no one's business to know but mine. Not to mention I will not objectify women as sex objects like that or lead anyone to believe that these women are whores. That has never been nor will it ever be who I am.

Lame attitude needs adjustment. First, never refer to other women as whores. It's disrespectful. Second, don't even mention the whole talking about your exes bullshit. Why are you talking about this? Do you really think that appeals to women who will read your profile?

At heart, I am very much a romantic and I still believe in chivalry. If you do not know what chivalry is, it is the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor and dexterity in arms. Or more simply put, courtesy towards women. What does this mean? Basically I am the guy that will open a door for you, I will let you walk in a restaurant or store first. No, not to check out your ass get your mind out of the gutter lol.

Every woman is going to read this and think "bullshit", and the end comment... ugh. The only one laughing is you, sorry. The thing is, labeling yourself as chivalrous is just conceited, and contradictory because you have a condescending attitude. "Behold, for I am chivalrous! What's that mean, you ask? lol, well, it means that I'll treat you right and open doors for you!" If you stop advertising yourself and just take some time to prove yourself.... I think you'll be more successful.

I know women love funny guys, well I have a weird since of humor I guess you could say. Takes a while to really understand my jokes. However I do not make jokes often but I can be a bit clumsy which is fine by me because I will even laugh at myself. For example the other day I tripped coming down the stairs at my friends apartment. Just like anyone else, yes I can get embarrassed but I try not to.

Just delete this. I have no idea how you can improve this. "I have a perverted sense of humor and I fall down stairs." Just doesn't send a great message to the ladies.

Every day I try to live by 7 values I learned over and over in the military. Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity and Personal Courage. Believe me when I say those have really helped me to become a better person.

This is so random and you don't even bother to talk about those 7 values. You might as well delete it because it's meaningless!

A little more about what I like, well I love music, art and sports. I have been drawing since the sixth grade and I am fairly good at it. If I can draw peoples portraits, that has to count for something right? Music, well I listen to just about everything accept for mexican, polka, opera, techno and pop music. Most of the time you will catch me listening to country or hip hop. Generally I like music that I can relate to in one way or another or something that just has a good beat that I can actually understand. Football and mixed martial arts are my favorite sports but I will play just about any sport. Even if it is just putting golf balls down range at peoples golf carts haha. Yes, I did that a lot as a kid.

Everybody loves music - talk about the kind of music you like and why you like it. Be more specific about what kind of art and what sport(s) you like. Instead of saying "I've been drawing since 6th grade" say "I'm a self-taught sketch-artist" and talk about why you do portraits and what's different about your work. This paragraph needs some serious improvement.

But mini golf is awesome. I also enjoy paint ball and go kart racing. So if you like any of these activities we could get alone pretty well. Maybe we can even spend a day at Grand Prix in Tampa. Other activities I enjoy are relaxing at the beach or watching a movie. I like kicking back and having a few beers with close friends and loved ones around a bonfire as long as no one gets pushed in. Happened once but no one got hurt I promise.

Delete.

Hopefully by now you can see that I am no dummy. I am no genius but I have been told I am pretty intelligent. I guess maybe they are right. Oh and no, I do not like to brag about stupid stuff so no, I am not bragging. I love learning about just about anything I can learn. History was one of my favorite subjects in school, especially military history.

You are bragging, and you should delete this.

The things I want most in life is to have a family and a good career. I would like to get back in the military if I can, but currently I am getting things worked out to go to the police academy. I have never been in any serious trouble with the law thank god. One day, I would very much like to work for a Federal Agency like the FBI or US Marshals. Time will tell with that one.

This is good - life goals. You should list this at the beginning, because it's most important. The self description can come later. Be meticulous with the details!

Over all I am a pretty easy person to get along with and a good person at heart. I do not play games, cheat, lead people on or use them. Anything that I want, I go out and earn it for myself. So basically this is me, take it or leave it. That is all up to you, but good luck if you decide I am not the right one. Even if I may not be, couldn't hurt to make a new friend though, right? It's in your court now ladies.

You really don't need to say this about yourself, because you'll have to prove it anyway. Might as well just delete this paragraph. Another thing - never address them as "ladies" plural. That bit should be omitted, but the "ball is in your court" part is all right, but you could think of something better

hope it helps.

edit: watch for spelling mistakes. i typed that up pretty fast, ignoring most mistakes.

[UnknownSld]

Thank you doppelgaenger, this is all pretty good advice. It show's that I am not very good at describing myself huh? I am going to take your advice and see how this works out.

[doppelgaenger]

I didn't say that exactly. Just think of your current profile as a rough draft and you're making the revisions. We'll see what you can come up with and continue revising until you are successful.