I'm in love with a married woman

[Rajaat]

Well, the really annoying thing is that I get the distinct feeling that she digs me. She likes to flirt alot with me and even gives me signs that she wants me. Of course, she seems happy in her mariage and there doesn't seem to be any reason she'd leave him. To me that sounds like she might want me (or would consider me) simply for sex but that would be it.

I'm sure everything will be fine if I don't force anything...

[blue]

well i like Red was with a guy who treated me like shit, who stole from me and did things that i would have never imagined someome who said that they loved me so could do, but he also had a problem abusing drugs...i never knew how bad until i knew how bad, it was horrible but i held on mostly becuz well i thought that i could change him but i couldnt i really couldnt and i had left everything for him my home my things my life, in the mist of my unhappiness i ran into kenny after 10 years i could not belive my eyes. The first thing i did and i will be honest here was call him, we text mess eachother for at least two months and i have to say that kenny was the better person in all of this, the first day we met it was impossible for me to not kiss him, the second time the third time we, Me i could not stop i did not want to stop but at the same time he would tell me no, and i hated it, there were so many close calls so many almost times and he didint want it that way and i knew that he was right.
One day last year on christmas i called him as a friend and i told him what was going on...he offered me the best advice that he could give me in regards to my situation and he was right. He helped me see, but i still did not let go of D, until months later i was finally fed up packed my shit and left to never look back and i was free. Kenny and i we took it slow and slow was good for me. My story does have a happy ending & so far so good. Life just happens, and as one who has been cheated on it hurts like hell and no one should ever have to go thru that. So i know the best way is to always remain honest with yourself and to others.

[RedAngl19]

I will admit, blue, that i was in the wrong. And in a way i felt really bad for having done that to him. I mean, after all, he was, is a really great guy. He provided and was incredibly nice... when he wasn't drunk and/or hopped up on something. The bad times just became too many to handle. That's the reason why I don't regret it.

I am trying to make amends though. Attempting to keep a friendship. Helping him out with things he might need help with, blah, bah, blah. I really want to keep him as a friend. But understandably, he is making it difficult. Perhaps one day he will find it in his heart to forgive me.

As for billy and I , things are going great. I am incredibly happy. So i know things will work out in the end.

[blue]

yes i so understand what you are saying angelbecause when d wasnt ****ed up i so could not let him go because in my heart of hearts i knew & still know that he is a good person. Not to long ago he was in a horrible car accident that almost took his life its sad. I hate the twist of fate you know, my son really loved him also and he loived my son it wa sberry difficuylt situation for all of us. he never thought i would leave him never and i did. whenyou have kids they come/ first you know that. as far as me feeling bad no i did not ill be honest i knew that i dserved better and that for once i had to look out for me, not him i could not fix him no one could but to be honest only God.
All of this does not make me a cheat or a liar or any of that, i dont live in regret and i dont care what people think either its my life and i did not ruin his i almost let h im ruin mine angel. im glad that athings are wrking out but please realize u cant help someone who is not ready to help himself. I am grateful for kenny every day that passes me by.
i am so grateful that i was not in that car with d that afternoon in the crash cuz if i was with him i would have been there

[RedAngl19]

yes i so understand what you are saying angelbecause when d wasnt ****ed up i so could not let him go because in my heart of hearts i knew & still know that he is a good person. Not to long ago he was in a horrible car accident that almost took his life its sad. I hate the twist of fate you know, my son really loved him also and he loived my son it wa sberry difficuylt situation for all of us. he never thought i would leave him never and i did. whenyou have kids they come/ first you know that. as far as me feeling bad no i did not ill be honest i knew that i dserved better and that for once i had to look out for me, not him i could not fix him no one could but to be honest only God.
All of this does not make me a cheat or a liar or any of that, i dont live in regret and i dont care what people think either its my life and i did not ruin his i almost let h im ruin mine angel. im glad that athings are wrking out but please realize u cant help someone who is not ready to help himself. I am grateful for kenny every day that passes me by.
i am so grateful that i was not in that car with d that afternoon in the crash cuz if i was with him i would have been there

I understand that, but i can't help it. Although the love is gone, i still care and worry about him. Idk. All i can do is wait and see what happens. Thanks for the reassurance blue.

[blue]

yes i understand how you feel.... when d was in the accident i went into a panic i man this is someone i cared about loved shared good times with along with the bad, i told kenny and he was ok with how i felt he understood his girl at the time told me not to call anymore this is after she contacted me. so i did the rite thing and let it go but he is in my prayers and kennys chrurch prayed or him too. and what do u mean ny idk wait and see what happens if you want aim me or pm me k

[RedAngl19]

Don't think that i mean anything about still loving him, because the love died a long time ago. That's not at all what i was trying to say. It's just that he's the father of my baby girl and it's more for her sake that i worry about him. He takes horrible care of himself and i worry that he will one day overdo it, thus not be around for his daughter. Plus, i invested over 3 years of my life with him, this causes me to still care. Not in a love type way, but more of a want him to be ok way. I'm not sure if i'm making any sense, but that's basically it.

Billy makes me happier than i've been in a long time and i like to think that i do the same for him. And i would never do anything to mess things up between us. I am fully happy and i'm not letting go for anything in the world. It's the way to be.

[Amie]

I would like some input from anyone. I am in love with a married man. We are both married. My marriage has been in trouble for several years now. I have stuck by my husband because of his illness and we have a small child. This man is married and his wife has lived in another state for 3 yrs now. They only see each other every few months. I have been seeing him for almost a year now and really do love him. He is on my mind constantly. He emails me about 5 times a day, and calls me every day. He recently went on trip with wife and their grown children to another country, and he called me twice from the other country. He has even found a computer and emailed me twice while with his wife. I have told him once that I loved him, and he said "I know, and I am fighting it!" Just what does this mean?? I would walk away from my marriage today to be with him, but I dont know if he would do the same. He tells me he thinks the world of me, and recently while we were in a public place, the song,"when a man loves a woman" came on, and he starred at me till the song ended. Then he said, "this is so hard!" Does this guy love me and just really scared, or have I fallen for someone that just wants sex? I mean he looked for ways to contact me when he was out of the country!!!
Really love this man but dont want to pressure him, in fear of losing him all together. Please tell me what you think!! Respect your opinion!

[RedAngl19]

I would like some input from anyone. I am in love with a married man. We are both married. My marriage has been in trouble for several years now. I have stuck by my husband because of his illness and we have a small child. This man is married and his wife has lived in another state for 3 yrs now. They only see each other every few months. I have been seeing him for almost a year now and really do love him. He is on my mind constantly. He emails me about 5 times a day, and calls me every day. He recently went on trip with wife and their grown children to another country, and he called me twice from the other country. He has even found a computer and emailed me twice while with his wife. I have told him once that I loved him, and he said "I know, and I am fighting it!" Just what does this mean?? I would walk away from my marriage today to be with him, but I dont know if he would do the same. He tells me he thinks the world of me, and recently while we were in a public place, the song,"when a man loves a woman" came on, and he starred at me till the song ended. Then he said, "this is so hard!" Does this guy love me and just really scared, or have I fallen for someone that just wants sex? I mean he looked for ways to contact me when he was out of the country!!!
Really love this man but dont want to pressure him, in fear of losing him all together. Please tell me what you think!! Respect your opinion!

Well, it sounds that this guy might actually love you, but is having one of those inner struggles between what is right and what he wants.

Here's the kicker though... he obviously has reservations about leaving his wife for whatever reason. All I can say, having been there before myself, is you need to get yourself fully informed before doing anything rash. Don't just up and leave your family if you're not absolutley sure that this guy is actually going to be with you. No, let me rephrase that... wait until he has made up his mind to leave his wife and actually does it. Don't do anything before that. You wouldn't want to loose everything and then have him turn around and change his mind. Now, if you're completley unhappy with you husband and don't love him anymore, I would say the best thing would be to leave anyway. It's not healthy to be in a loveless marriage, but do consider your child in all this. Just think it through really well. Hopefully all will turn out well for you, whatever you decide.

Please keep us informed, if you don't mind. Maybe we can help out some more later.

[JoGorilla]

Never get involved with married people. It's bad karma. It will mess you up bad, especially if you know the person they are married to. You risk getting hurt emotionally, legally, and physically if you get involved. I know from personal experience. I had a guy tell his wife, who I was with that he would kill me if he ever saw me again. Not worth messing up someone elses life and yours. Find someone who doesn't have any moral delimmas pressuring them. It just makes it easier on you an everyone else around you. Plus, if they are willing to be unfaithful to one person, that's a sign about how they will treat you as well. My mom has been through three marriages and countless lovers due to being unfaithful. Love is not some game that you can just pick a name out of a hat. People who do are likely to hurt you as well.

[schueys_girl]

very good advice my friend, particulary: 'if they are willing to be unfaithful to one person, that's a sign about how they will treat you as well'
once a cheater always a cheater in my eyes, and if there willing to cheat on thier partnet when thier already married, what kind of security can you possibly have with them?! xx

[Apache]

Greetings all...
I know this is an older post but I found it so....
Anyway here are my thoughts.
Married or not feelings are feelings and should never be ignored. Love is a wonderful feeling when shared with the object of your affection. I am in love with a married woman, and she is in love with me (I am a married man). Both of us are in unsatisfying marriages, both over 20 years married. We have been having this wonderful affair for the past 7 months, and life is grand. Neither one of us wants to hurt our spouses, and so we don't. In fact I have noticed that my marriage is much better now, not feeling resentment towards my wife for neglecting me. It is important to understand that this is not a sex only affair, but rather an affair of the heart, or a loving affair. We nurture each other, and love each other very deeply. Yes there are times I think about leaving my wife for this woman, and we have talked about it as well. It is a possibility, but for now we are just happy to be in love with each other.

The most amazing thing about this affair? We met on line about a year ago...talked for months before we met. I've never had such a wonderful and gratifying relationship as this one. Yes...I have found my soul mate, the love of my life. Which by the way, a person can have more than one soul mate, and also be in love with more than one person.

Ok...I'm done ranting..
Go for it...married or not.

[indigosoul]

Wow. I feel sorry for your spouses. 20 years and you can't be honest about what you need? A mature relationship would at least discuss that you are thinking of an affair. Good luck.

[Loveboat]

The experience of an affair with a married woman can be very healthy for the both of you. Both of you are chartering new directions of love. Satisfying and exciting. Let your heart lead you. Forget about what is right or wrong. I am not in the morals business. From past experience this will generate more confidence in yourself. If nothing happens, so what. Enjoy the moment. I may not last. It can lead to other sexual experiences provided to you by this wonderful lady. I think you should continue seeing her.

[indigosoul]

"The experience of an affair with a married woman can be very healthy for the both of you. Both of you are chartering new directions of love. Satisfying and exciting. Let your heart lead you. Forget about what is right or wrong."

I STRONGLY disagree with the above statement. I think that having a relationship that involves deception can only end badly for ALL parties involved. It is very UNHEALTHY. I'm NOT saying that the feelings of love for someone are invalid, not at all, I'm saying that a relationship of over 20 years should be honest enough to admit there is a problem. Sooner or later, the spouses WILL find out & there will be hurt all around. Or someone will develop stronger feelings for the other & will want to be with that person more... If you want to be with another b/c you love them, fine, then decide what you want and be honest w/your spouse. Divorce, separate, whatever. But to deprive your partner of a say in what is going on (and they deserve one) is both cowardly and an insult to everyone involved.