In love with my best friend

[alone&lost]

I have been best friends with this girl I know for almost three years now. Throughout our friendship we have flirted, but never admited to liking each other. Recently I told her how I feel about her. It started out well, she said she felt the same way. She just said it was bad timing because she just broke up with a guy. After we have been talk these past couple days, she and I are supposed to go on a date friday. However, she called me today crying saying she is in love with her ex and breaking up with him, is killing her. So being her best friend, I told her to talk to him, and if she thinks she wants to, try to get him back. I know in my mind I did the right thing. All I want is for her to be happy, but I feel like I have blown my only chance with her. I never told that I love her, all I told her is that I care for her a lot. I feel so bad right now. I don't know what to do with myself at the moment. Can someone please help me out and give me some advice, words of wisdom, encouragement, anything. Please. I have a history of depression and just can't take things like this.

[Bonfire]

Sort out your life first. If you have a history of depression then you need to work on solving the root cause. If you can learn to be happy for just who you are and enjoy life without relying on someone else to make you happy, then you'll definitely be more attractive to the opposite sex, including your bestfriend. Girls don't just pick a guy for their inner qualities but they also look at what kind of life they lead. So it's best to take care of other aspects of your life such as career goals and the relationship will take care of itself. Don't feel that you are missing an opportunity to be with your bestfriend. She is clearly not open to a new relationship right now as she just gone through a breakup. She'll be thinking about her ex for a while. So you have not lost your chance yet, there will be other opportunities. When she is ready and if she feels anything for you, she'll give you hints. You should definitely let her know how you feel about her, at least the seed is planted in her mind. But don't try and force anything to happen, let it happen on its own. Just continue to be there for her as you are her bestfriend. But remember what I said, focus on your life and improving your outlook. You have to start thinking more positive about yourself and your future. Things will get better but there will be times when you feel your whole life has fallen apart, in those times you have to remember everyone pretty much goes through this. It's part of life.

[alone&lost]

I have a history of depression, but I went through a pyhsc ward and was on meds and the whole nine yards. She was there for me through the whole thing. We spoke on the phone earlier. She does have strong feelings for me, which picked me up. But for some reason I still feel asthough I don't have a shot with her. Probably a mix of my low-self image/esteam and self destructive tendencies. Thank you though, I sincearly appreciate your advice.

[shinygrey]

Even if she doesn't get back together with her ex, it's better to give her sometime to recover, to get over him. It's healthier for a new relationship to do so.

[IncognitoSir]

You have to realize she's fresh out of a relationship. She's currently experiencing heartbreak from that. In the state she's in it would be very difficult for her to treat you properly because her heart seeks another.......for now. You did do the right thing I believe but being her best friend puts you in a very difficult situation. At least you don't have to worry about being "friend zoned" you've been their for a while now and she KNOWS you like her. That being said, all you can do is be supportive and don't push her to do anything. Good luck.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think you should distance yourself a bit from her. Normally, I'd say cut contact completely, but you seem to be pretty levelheaded and I don't think you'll start bombarding her with calls/text/email, but you still should back off for a while. She knows how you feel now, and she knows how to get in touch with you, so give her a while to get over her ex and then see where she's at, but unless you really are okay with just being her friend I think you should be available but stop initiating contact with her.

[qwertz]

Starting a relationship with your best freind can end badly and usually does- because when you split you lose your best friend and your lover in one blow. I made that mistake, people on here warned me but i went ahead anyway- it didnt end good- a year later I dont miss him as a bf, but i miss my best friend.

So if you do go down this route, just be careful.

[devonbrown]

My advice would be to remain as you have always been with her, best friends. You are going to outlast every bad relationship she has. if you two have strong feelings for each other, and you are in each others' lives, it will happen organically. Don't be surprised though, if the two of you do try to make it work, if you decide freindship was the better choice. It is easy to confuse great friendship with love sometimes.

Good luck.

[alone&lost]

Well, we talked about how we felt each other. We sat in my car from 1:30 A.M. to 6:00 A.M. today. She asked me to stay the night with her and sleep together( not in a sexual way). I ended up turning her down though, because I don't want to hurt her chances of getting back together with her ex. I did tell her that I love her and explained why it has been hard from me to seperate my feelings for her and doing bestfriend duties. I have in no way shape or form tainted any advice I have given her. I explained all that to her and we went into greater detail about our feelings. The "night" ended with us laying down in reclined car seats next to each other holding hands and just staring into each other's eyes. It was completely comfortable for both of us. She told me, however, that she is torn between me and her ex. As her best friend I hope for the best for them two. At the same time, my feelings are making me feel like a dumba** because I feel as though I am throwing away my only chance with her. I know it sounds cliche, but I truely do want her to be happy, wether it is with me or her ex. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle though. I love her so much and am torn with feelings and thoughts of being her best friend and feelings and thoughts of being a possible relationship. I would do anything for her happiness and would happily(as happy as I could be) stay just her bestfriend. Just as long as I have her in my life.

[Tazer691]

I had a similar experience lately. My female best friend of 10 years or so suddenly confessed that she had feelings for me. Unfortunately she is married with 2 kids. She actually wanted to go to bed with me there and then. It was the hardest thing I ever did to say no, because I really care aboiut her a whole lot (did I mention she's also drop dead gorgeous??). Your situation however is different.......your friend isn't married with kids. I tell u what if my friend was unmarried I defiantely would have said yes.......no question about it. I reckon you should try to gaugue her feelings towards you. Yo never know she may be interested, and its way too late once she is married. If you never ask, you'll never know.

[alone&lost]

Well, today didn't go as planed, but I'm ok with it. We had another talk about how we feel about each other. She kept bringing up her ex. So I stopped hermid-sentance and told her to go for him. I'm tired of waiting for her to make up her mind, and I can clearly see she wants him. I told her its best if we just remained best friends. I told her like devonbrown said, " if its ment to be, it will happen organiclly at some point in the future." It hurt to say because I love her so much, but what will make her happy is more important to me than my own feelings. Having her be happy will make the pain of not haveing her as my own easier. I told her I'll always love her and be here for her. Still at the moment it hurts. But, that's ok. It will get easier and she's still an important role in my life as I am in her's. Maybe one day, maybe not. Either way, I love her and she'll always be in my life. I can't wait for her to be happy. All the pain of being torn between being a best friend and being in love with her will pay off once she's happy. I'm glad this didn't end horribly, thank God. And finally thank all of your for your advice and words of wisdom. I sinceirly appreciate it. Thanks y'all. Made a weird situation easier.