How important is privacy early on?

[i7cors]

We been dating for about a little over a month and both of us are very open about our pasts, especially with our exes. None of my exes are friends anymore, but all of her exes are. She still keeps contacts with them only on facebook, at least that's what I think. The thing that bothers me is that when ever she is on facebook in front of me, she seems very cautious or when ever she gets a text, she just looks at it then turns off the phone without saying anything. I know everyone have their rights to privacy, but the curiosity is killing me. So my question is this, how do I stop this insecurity that I am feeling? I really want to sit down with her and talk about it, but how? Where do I even start? Ideal scenario would be to have her de-friend all of her exes, but we all that is not going to happen, at least not this early in the relationship. Any inputs would be greatly appreciated! Thanks.

[Boisdevie]

You've only been dating a month - give her time. Also, if you're feeling insecure then perhaps it's you that has the problem

[IncognitoSir]

She's hiding something, but the privacy rules of a relationship protect her. Classic signs of a sneak but all you can do is go with it for now. I've noticed this with people also and yeah it's weird to have contact with ALL of her exes? Come on, she broke up on good terms with all of them? Not likely but anyways, try to ignore it.

[i7cors]

She did stated that she broke up with all of them on good terms. Maybe I am just overlooking the situation? Guess I'll just suck it up..

[doppelgaenger]

It's simple. You should confront her about her behavior.

"Hey, what the hell did you shut your phone off for? Normal people usually keep their phones on... you're giving me the impression that you're hiding something."

[CAM]

I generally don't open the floodgates re: the details of my life--measured info exchange. If she's not sharing too much, then I'm not sharing too much either. Be judicious. Sometimes, too much sharing early on takes away the mystery. Sort of like having sex too soon...in both cases, you are getting naked. Naked emotionally, naked physically. And just like getting naked...well, you can't put the genie back in the bottle These days, it seems, if you don't strip naked (emotionally and otherwise) quickly, you are viewed as either a closed personality or a prude...I think we've taken things a bit too far. Privacy does have a place in life...it is one of the few things that we still own as individuals...our feelings, our past, our private choices.

[qwertz]

I dont think its suspicious...so far. I'm friends with a few of my exes on fb. Its nothing suspect, we have all moved on, i occasionally speak to them- how lifes going etc. It is nothing untoward. But saying that, mine are all exes from a long time ago, if the exes are more recent and she is speaking to them then i would be a little concerned.

As for looking at her phone and not telling you...so what? If i receive a text while im with my bf, i will sometimes look at it and then put my phone down, not saying anything to my bf about it...if he asked i would tell him (though would be wondering why he asked in the first place) I dont have to report back to him about every interaction i have with other people- that would be unreasonable. However, her turning her phone off could be seen as suspicious.

[i7cors]

So I just did the number one no no, and that was invaded her privacy. So while she was showering, I just couldn't resist and snuck on her computer to check her fb. Boy did I found some stuff. It seems like she was trying to get back together with her first ex, and got rejected. But....this was 3 months ago before we met which I understand. But the thing that got me was this, he asked her to dinner for this coming weekend which she accepted?!? I remember she said she was having a get together with her friends, but was that a cover up? I didn't confront her on the spot. So as of right now, I feel like....I'm just a filler until she gets back with her ex. We never got the boy/girl friend titles going because she said she didn't want her parents to know, but it all seems like an excuse. She just didn't want her ex to know that she was seeing someone.

Okay, my new question is this, what should I do before I get the short end of the stick? One thing that I have in mind is talking about where we stand in our relationship, and then maybe expanding to getting to know each others friends and then the titles. Titles aren't important to me, but I just want to know that we are mutually exclusive to each other.

[qwertz]

So I just did the number one no no, and that was invaded her privacy. So while she was showering, I just couldn't resist and snuck on her computer to check her fb. Boy did I found some stuff. It seems like she was trying to get back together with her first ex, and got rejected. But....this was 3 months ago before we met which I understand. But the thing that got me was this, he asked her to dinner for this coming weekend which she accepted?!? I remember she said she was having a get together with her friends, but was that a cover up? I didn't confront her on the spot. So as of right now, I feel like....I'm just a filler until she gets back with her ex. We never got the boy/girl friend titles going because she said she didn't want her parents to know, but it all seems like an excuse. She just didn't want her ex to know that she was seeing someone.

Okay, my new question is this, what should I do before I get the short end of the stick? One thing that I have in mind is talking about where we stand in our relationship, and then maybe expanding to getting to know each others friends and then the titles. Titles aren't important to me, but I just want to know that we are mutually exclusive to each other.

You shouldnt have snooped, you go looking you almost always find something. But, now that you have found something, you need to confront her about it before this weekend when she is due to meet him. Be prepared for her to take the easy way out (if you dont end it) by finishing with you on the grounds of your snooping.

[jerybaby18]

I am one who will never put up with snooping. It's bullshit. And now of course, you found something. Good luck with that. You put yourself in a situation that you can't get out of. If I were her I would dump you on the spot. The mature thing would have been to have a discussion with her about how you are feeling instead of invading her privacy. I for one, are friends with many of my exes. Even hang out with them sometimes. Sometimes when a relationship doesn't work,, that does not mean a friendship won't. I tell every guy I date that I am friends with many of my exes, and best friends with my ex-husband. I tell them right off the bat that if they don't like it, and can't come to terms with it, there's the door. I don't give my friends up for anyone, no matter what.
This is about your insecurity. And being that you have been dating a month, it's a bit ridiculous. So, expect for this to be turned around on you for being nosey and immature. Sorry I have been so blunt, but what you did is uncalled for, no matter what the reason you think makes it justified. Next time, talk, like an adult.

[xxazurexx]

Okay, my new question is this, what should I do before I get the short end of the stick?

Ditch her. Seems she is not to be trusted anyway.

[i7cors]

I came from a cheating gf, so my view is tainted. I tried to wipe the slick clean and starting off fresh, but she was just showing all of the signs. It may sound like an lame excuse, but I was trying so hard to prove myself wrong. What ever the case is, I am at least now prepared unlike last time. Just going to let this play out and see what happens.

I really appreciate everyone's comments. I really like her, but if it isn't meant to be, then so let it be. =(