how to approche a girl about her apperance?

[GK001]

well, recently i've met this wonderful girl whos the kindest most loving person i've met (yay for me if you know my story). we've been dating for 3 weeks now and shes head over heels for me. shes not the type of girl i've dated before (sexy, dressed up, out going). shes rather shy, quiet conservative type and i'm apparently her first bf.

the problem is shes a bit rough on the outside. she doesnt dress up or wear any make up at all or trim her eyebrows and shes a bit hairy. i dont really mind if shes got some hairs on her arms but she doesnt even want to shave her legs and its very noticeable when she wears a skirt because shes tall with long slim legs. this makes me rather uncomfortable.

i attend a lot of cocktail parties and functions that requires a dress code which i would like her to come. i just dont know how to ask her to shave her self and have a cleaner looking appearance by putting some light make up. i've touched upon the subject lightly with out directly approaching her about it and her response is utter rejection saying "guys should accept what ever their gf looks like because he accepted her" "if they want things to change then they should look for their type”.

i'm scared how i should approach her with out hurting her feelings? personally i dont see how wanting my gf to look her best is anything to do with "not finding your type" i think its a reasonable request. how do i make her see in today's society shaving legs and light make up is considered norm? i've never met a girl like her before and i dont want to destroy our relationship.

[Stillits]

Well, now I'm quite the conservative shy type myself who is happy with wearing casual sweatpants and a t-shirt + sweatshirt in my every day life (including to school and hanging with friends outside of it). I don't wear make-up either.
That said, I do shave my legs and armpits and sometimes, when going out with my girl friends I'll wear a dress and some fancy shoes, and I like feeling feminine every once in a while. My boyfriend is just the type of guy who prefers me hanging around in my usual clothes and he has never expressed wishes for me to dress otherwise even if we have talked about it and I have asked him. I wouldn't mind dressing up for him every once in a while but he's just one of those casual people too.
However, I had an ex who wanted me to wear different, more fashionable clothes than I was really comfortable with and it was a pain always to be told what I liked to wear wasn't "good enough". We were just two very different people who didn't have anything in common but infatuation, and a brief one.

It sounds like you want her to change what she does with her own appearance.. Not just sometimes but all the times. You want her to wear make-up and trim her eyebrows etc, all the time, right? To be honest, if this is the case I think you could have seen what kind of person she was before you started dating her or atleast early on during the dating period ( we don't call it "dating" where I am from so I'm a little confused if it means "going on dates" with someone or means "early relationship" ). If you don't like how she appears while she seems to be comfortable and confident with it - I think she's right. By choosing to stick with her you send the message that you accepted her for what you had so far seen. You shouldn't go into a relationship thinking you can change someone. Maybe you do need to find someone who is more your type and who you don't need to pester about changing before she will make you proud and not uncomfortable.

If it's however because you want to take her to the occasional cocktail party, you could just ask her if she minds dressing up a bit for that one evening so you attend the event together as you would love to have her with you.

[qwertz]

Does she shave her armpits??

How old is she?

[GK001]

nope never did i say she has to wear make up etc all the time. like i said its those functions i'm worried about. and for the record i didn't pester her at all. i haven't even approached her directly because i think its a sensitive issue for her so i tested the waters first
i think shaving armpits and legs is just a way to show respect for others that's around you. i mean if you wear a bikini you shave your bikini line right? its fine if you stay home all day and just go to the groceries but we are talking about formal functions here.

shes 24.

[girl68]

I dont think you can. I mean you can try but it's highly unlikely she'll conform becuase you've broached the topic before and she shot you down.

I think at this point you just need to say it like it is. Baby, I really like you but on that same notion I don't think asking you to doll up for special occasions which includes the saving of legs, pits, and plucking a few stray hairs, I don't think a bit of makeup is too much to ask for those fun nights out. If you think I'm asking too much and do not feel like you must, I'm going to go "find someone more my type".

That is how it is. If this bugs you so early on, imagine how much resentment you're going to feel in 10 years?

[Stillits]

Okay, I must have read a bit wrong then.

If that's just the case, I would just ask her about it.

Is there any chance she's an introvert who doesn't really feel like taking part in those social gatherings though? Could possibly be that her problem is less about the dolling up and more about the type of event. You just have to talk to her really, and find a way to do it so she won't be offended but flattered that you want to show her off.

[bloodtippedrose]

I dont really care about shaving my legs too often and my bf doesnt seem to care, but one day we were kissing on the couch and he ran his hand up my leg and said "oh youve gotten a little spikey.." (it was a little more than spikey ) I was ready to jump in the shower to shave it off right then! If my guy, who doesnt seem to care about body hair is saying something, then I know its bad.

If you say something casual and similar it will hopefully prompt her to shave or she might clue you in to why she doesnt. If she does shave compliment how silky she feels etc. so she'll do it more regularly. If you don't think she'll dress appropriately then tell her the event is formal and you'd like to help her pick something nice and take her shopping!

[Spring Haze]

i'm scared how i should approach her with out hurting her feelings? personally i dont see how wanting my gf to look her best is anything to do with "not finding your type" i think its a reasonable request. how do i make her see in today's society shaving legs and light make up is considered norm? i've never met a girl like her before and i dont want to destroy our relationship.

Well, she's the type of woman who does not like to maintain her appearance unlike the type of women you have dated in the past who dressed sensibly and wore makeup.

That's how she entered your life, that's who you pursued and are continuing to see. She seems pretty staunch in her views, so making a request, no matter how tactful will likely be viewed as not accepting her.

Unless she is foreign or lives under a rock, she's well aware of societal norms.

Mail her a pack of razors, and a gift certificate to receive a makeover.

[GK001]

Okay, I must have read a bit wrong then.

If that's just the case, I would just ask her about it.

Is there any chance she's an introvert who doesn't really feel like taking part in those social gatherings though? Could possibly be that her problem is less about the dolling up and more about the type of event. You just have to talk to her really, and find a way to do it so she won't be offended but flattered that you want to show her off.

well, she play sports doesnt have any issue with talking to people. she actually have quite a few guy friends. she pursued me not the other way around.
i absolutely want to show her off....but u know....as a guy i want her to look her best during those events and outings. but not with obvious hairy legs and armpits. i know my friends will be put off by it.
to the ladies in this forum am i asking too much of her?

[queenofheartsNY]

No. Ask her to shave her legs. It's kind of weird that she doesn't if she's going out and exposing her legs.

[Popsicle]

You: How do you feel about shaving?
Her: *Looks at you disturbed and confused* Why? Do you want me to shave now?
You: I don't know. Maybe.
Her: I don't like shaving. Are you saying you think I look bad with body hair?
You: I'd like you either way.

or something like that...

After that...if she still doesn't shave, she's never going to. In that case, just don't bring her to outings with you if it embarrasses you.