Is this crazy?

[VeronicaHills]

I have been dating my bf for a year and a half now. I have caught him in many lies to myself and others; basically he is a compulsive liar, especially through omission. Some of the lies have been pretty serious and damaging. He even lies to his mom all of the time who he extremely loves and values.

Aside from the trust, which is mostly due to his lying, everything is great. We talk about marriage, we share so much love - we both love each other in a way that is ideal for one another. I have never had this sort of chemistry with someone and there is nothing we would rather be doing on a Friday night that hang out with each other.

I have had enough with the lies. We have been broken up for 6 days. I am going to see a hypnotist/counselor tomorrow to help me tap into the unconscious part of my brain that knows this is not healthy. My appt. cannot come soon enough! I have not been able to function or get out of bed for days. I am sooo heartbroken.

Suddenly, I am thinking...what if the hypnotist could help my bf to uncover where the root of his lying is and help him to fix it. I began reading Women Who Love Too Much and feel like these thoughts are right outta that book, but the love we have is so intense and if he could get help, he would be my dream man.

Argh!! I am so distraught and confused. I am torn between having him come with me tomorrow, which he would do in a heartbeat, or helping myself to get over this relationship and move on.

[want2behappy]

BIG RED FLAG!!! Make excuses for him now and mostly likely you will be making excuses for him later. Do you really want to be with a liar? It doesn't sound like it but you are grasping for straws. Probably not the best idea. How would you feel 5-10 years later after you are married and he starts it up again or he had been doing it all that time and you just didn't see it? Then, he comes at you with, "Well, you knew I was like this from the beginning." You really wouldn't have ground to stand on because you do know about it now. Have you ever heard of that phrase "borrowing trouble?"

Is he really worth the risk of spending the rest of your life with a liar? And, then, if you have kids....will he lie to them too and how will they understand when they are little? Do you really want to have a conversation with yourself later asking yourself why you made an excuse to be with a liar. And, then, he lies to your friends and family ...do you just tell all of them that that is just the way he is so don't worry about it? Kind of sad. I think he needs to work on it himself and you should move on to happier pastures. No lie!

[alone&lost]

You need to take care of yourelf. You cannot fix other people. If someone is a compulsive liar, how do you know when they are telling the truth, or have ever told the truth. Any relationship worth having sould have trust in its foundation. You cannot build upon maybes. In my opinion, you should take care of yourself and move on. Time heal all wounds.

[pisces25]

Trust is essential to a relationship. I don't question your love for each other but IMO without trust there isn't real love.

As for your situation if you do want to hold on to this man and do see a future with him you can suggest therapy for him to get to the bottom of his issues. If he is willing to go through with it you can stick with him or suggest breaking up at the point and then evaluating things down the track. It sounds he could take a while to 'fix' though which is uncertain and unsettling for you as you may hang around and wait for him with no guarantees he will change. This could prevent you from potentially meeting someone else in the meantime.

It is a difficult situation however it really is up to him to make the changes required for you both to have a healthy relationship. He needs to understand this.

[devonbrown]

I concur. His lying is a HUGE issue and one that you should not have to handle. Don't try to "fix" him. Leave him be to find his own way. There are other people out there who can, and will, make you happy.

No matter what, you will never be able to remove the doubt that his lying has left in your brain. Hypotism is not magic. Experiences shape us, and he has ingrained into you the reality that he can't be trusted. Just be glad you are out of the relationship now, no matter how much it hurts, and move on.

Good luck.