Has our best friend Escaped your friend zone?

[smackie9]

I didn't mean to be mean but to be kool and to not get too eager to please a girl. They don't want that. Just don't make it too easy for them to get yer attention. If they dish it out to quickly the girl backs away. I know this because I was a 16 year old girl at one time.

[alone&lost]

Wow, haha. Just realized after your post this is the ask a female forum. Oops. Oh well. Just be you Schimch!

[smackie9]

yeah be cold-hearted to girls and see how many you pick up HA! Good luck with that. I can't believe the advice I'm reading in this thread.


if you havent noticed this is the Ask a Female portion of LF so dont act so surprised when a female gives her side of opinions

I am a girl dummy.....

[smackie9]

Schimch just as her out on a date, and I mean a real date, not lets go hang out stuff. You know what since you are 16 and a chicken.....just tell a friend to tell her that you like her and see what kind of answer you get. I recall having a few people tell me "this dude has a crush on you" during my years in high school.

[Schimch]

Ok but see we are at an advanced stage of friendship, it's really not as simple as whether I ask her out or not. If I ask her out now I pretty much 100% know she will say know, tbh I feel the only thing holding me back is just confidence to venture into more serious conversations with her like about her and us and that sort of stuff. So thanks for all the advice guys but it's really not just an ask her out or not type situation, more of a how do I step it up thing

[Bonfire]

You should have ask the guys for help. The girls can provide the "why" it's hard getting out of the friend-zone but the guys can provide the "how" to get out of the friends zone. Why do guys know this better? Because we spend our entire adult life figuring out how to do it. I have had some success. In fact, I prefer befriending girls first as they think I am not interested in a relationship and it gets them wanting me secretly. But being friends and being in the friends-zone is two different thing. Girls can still be attracted to their male friends but if they categorized you in the friends-zone, it means they are not all interested in you sexually. In other words, they don't want to date you even if you have feelings for them. Seeing as this is a female advice forum, I'll give you one quick tip that I used if I get placed in friend-zone. I would distant myself from the girl and disappear from her for say over a year, longer the better. Then I will re-emerge into her life again with a totally different me. You have to be different in her eyes if you want a shot at her. If she sees you as the same guy, why would she change her mind? Get it? So you have to step back, totally change your style, improve your confidence level, treat her differently, and because there is a long gap of time that has separated between you two, she is more open to see how you have changed. The key is to disappear from her so she loses that emotional connection thus allowing her a chance to see you as a new person. Then you will have a shot at her and you'll be out of her friend-zone. I recommend you genuinely change yourself for the better not just try faking it. Because if you are faking it, then it will show eventually and it won't work in the long run. So use the time period you are away from her to gain life experiences and relationship experiences. If the change in you is real, she'll see you in a different light when you two meet again. If she says "I barely recognize you" then that's a good sign. Good luck.

[smackie9]

Now if she says that you are "best buddies" or "I like you like a brother". There is no chance. You can't force a girl to be sexually attracted to you no matter what method you try. I had friend zoned guys for a reason.....I wasn't interested and there was nothing that would change my mind. If I didn't feel it at the start, it wasn't going to happen ever. That's why I say never be friends with a girl. You will have saved yourself months of BS. If you think she will say no now, she is going to say no any other time you ask.

We are talking in circles here. I don't see any success with this one. Why not just call it a day and make friends with guys instead of some girl. You increase your chances of looking prospect-able to a girl if you are chillin with yer homies.

[bloodtippedrose]

I am a girl dummy.....

I am not a dummy. I wrongly assumed you were a guy due to your answers and your beer avatar. You keep saying that "girls don't like when guys do this" but you don't offer WHY girls don't like it, and your solution does not go past "just do it or youll get friend-zoned." Also you said I'm "not a guy so I have no clue what a shy guy goes through" which first of all its not like we're from different worlds, and second that implied that I don't have a right to post because I dont know what Im talking about. Since you're female also why would you think its ok to say I don't know what he's going through and you seem to know?

[smackie9]

I did explain WHY. Girls like challenge, the chase, the thrill of seduction. Girls as so wired differently than guys. Guys seem to think that they get better attention by giving a ton of it to get noticed....but it actually looks needy and desperate to be liked and that it a weak quality. Girls are programmed instinctively to be attracted to strength, power, wealth, popularity....it's called a man's "value" . The higher the "value" the more attractive he is to girls. Which would you prefer? a guy that is strong, and confident and doesn't look for attention or a drippy shy guy with no confidence that showers you eagerly even tho you are not dating.

So to answer your other question. You think like a girl and are looking at it as a girl. Guys don't think like you do. Girls and guys look a relationships very differently. Girls have no problem being emotionally attached to a guy without any sexual attraction. Guys on the other hand it all or nothing. Guys normally that want to be your friend in most cases actually want to get with you or should I say hope to. Girls, and I know there's a lot of them, are oblivious to this because the are only thinking with a girl's brain and think the guy is truly in it for the friendship.....not! I've had many guys over the decades discuss this issue, they tell me their perspective, their thoughts and troubles about it. Even with guys that are in relationships have admitted that there has to be a balance of attention and ignoring to keep the interest up. I don't sit here and make this shit up. I have done a lot of research and well a lot of what I discuss also comes from experience too. I am a bit of a tomboy, so I can totally understand the guy's perspective. They know what they are doing isn't working for them.....they realize they have to stop giving out the attention so freely. If it doesn't get reciprocated from their efforts, stop wasting time and move onto someone else. The thing is with guys, they don't want friendship they want a GF that comes with sex. They already have enough friends.

[bloodtippedrose]

I'm not saying I disagree with you at all. I know instinctively that women are attracted to men that can prove, by standing up for themselves, that they can protect a woman and subconsciously her offspring. I also agree its a huge turn off for women to get showered with attention because it screams that the woman is better than the man and no one wants an unequal relationship where someone is better than the other. The only think I didn't agree with was that you assume that all women look at mens problems with complete bias except you who has had experience and a tomboys mind. So it seemed you were attacking me personally, who also has experience, a tomboys mind and a minor in psychology. So I agree with your opinions, I can tell you think beyond whats obvious, just don't assume that other females can't do the same.

[smackie9]

I have had some of the male posters make comment to me how frustrated they are by the advice given to them by the females on this site. They are told to stay the nice guy and they themselves would never go for a so called "jerk" type and would never responded to someone that plays it kool on them......the guys feel it's all BS because they are a nice guy and they are themselves around girls, but they get friend zoned every time.... so they are not believing what the girls are telling them.

As for females....they learn the mind of a man later in life....the majority of posters on here are between the ages of 16 to 21.....not quite have lived life yet. With living many years comes with experience...you can't get that out of a text book.

[bloodtippedrose]

I know a person who graduated college with an associates at 21. He LOVED computers and went beyond what he learned in school to really understand how computers worked inside and out (software and networking and system security not hardware). He started work for Microsoft and was astonished at how little the "experienced" people actually knew. As if they had stumbled upon the job years ago and stopped learning or caring, just thinking they were better than everyone because they had been there longer than everyone. He quickly surpassed those people and got a huge promotion within a year of starting. I am not saying relationships and computers are the same, but rather that experience is not everything. It depends solely on the individual and what the want to learn from what they've been provided.