over-analyzing and thinking too much, plus too hard on mysef

[neverknow]

I constantly over think every little detail to death and am way to critical of myself. If you've read my thread about the girl from work I like, its obvious. Little example to show what I'm talking about: after weeks of chickening out I finally gave her my number on her last day, she gave me a hug and we basically just said bye. I go back to my office, and you would think I would be elated. But all I can focus on is that wasn't that hard to give it to her, why'd I make such a big deal about it, I should've done that a long time ago. Then I try to think about the hug, and I start thinking maybe that was a goodbye hug, maybe she's not planning on keeping in touch. Plus all I can think about is how awkward I made it cuz I was nervous. You can see how I drive myself insane going through this with everything. One day when I was really close to giving her my number but couldn't, I was visibly pissed off. I got back to my office and a coworker was worried about me, saying she's never seen me mad before, and was trying to figure out what's wrong. Another example of thinking too much, I'm still waiting for someone at work to be like "oh yea everyone knows you got a thing for her", I'm constantly worried of drawing attention to my feelings for her, which has kept me from going out of my way to go talk to her many times.

So, you can see my mind is a mess, especially when it comes to her. Do any of you have tips on how to jut relax and not over think every little detail? I'm one of the most laid back people with just about everything, except for when it comes to her or me making stupid mistakes or letting myself down.

[Klim]

You sound like me from a few weeks ago.

I used to overthink and worry about everything and dissect every little, unimportant detail of everything, or think about my actions and what I did wrong. Then I just thought "is this worth worrying about? What else can I do now? Nothing. I did something, so there's no use thinking about what I could have or should have done. Chill. Calm yourself."

Now I don't worry too much. Scratch that- I rarely worry.

[AirbenderAang]

The solution is obvious. You need to train your mind to concentrate/relax in other words, practice different forms of meditation. There are multiple types of meditation, and you can incorporate it into daily activities like driving, and walking. It isn't going to be easy practicing meditation, but it is the only sure-fire solution.

That or try being blessed with a major epiphany like Klim described...

[CraigT]

The above post is absolutely right. 'Learning to relax' and 'switch off' is key.
Meditation is good, but very hard.

Use relaxation cds or hypnosis cds for confidence. They do the same thing as meditation (stopping to 'think')
and they also have powerful suggestion for confidence, counteracting all the negative stuff that you've put in your head.

Use it everyday for 3 weeks. I guarantee that you will feel different and maybe strong enough to CALL HER.

I can't post a link to my site but tap in 'anned4change' in google and you'll see it.

CraigT

[Queezy1993]

I'm exactly the same, even though I realize it's a big problem it's very hard for me to stop. I've tried relaxing, I've got a fun hobby were I let go of everything but once I stop I'm back to the old me again thinking too much about things even though I know it's stupid because it's pointless.

[Cerby]

I saw a relationship councillor 1 on 1 a few years back to talk about my anxiety and over-analyzing. She did a very good job teaching me how to put things into perspective.

I'd also recommend a book called "The Four Agreements". This book was recommended to me by another user on this forum and it works wonders for every aspect of my life

[rodav120]

I was like that before, too, and even now I still sometimes catch myself in that situation, but I've learned to recognize it and immediately switch gear. Klim is right, it's done. One of the keys to my overcoming it is when I began to see mistakes as blessings, feed backs, something to learn from. I also toned down a lot on my tendency to shoot for perfection. A lot of times we cannot accept our shortcomings because we are perfectionists. How did I let go? I read a lot of self-help resources and I really, really spent some time going inside of myself. I guess, I got so tired that I just let go. Eckart Tolle's The Power of Now addresses this situation of dwelling in the past and getting anxious about the future.