Married but in love with someone else

[smackie9]

And don't for one second, fall into a false sense of security...bet money on it your wife is already suspecting something is going on with you. It will only be a matter of time.

[lovestruck56]

Yes smackie9 you r right, i should seek counseling, mental counseling. I really think I am out of my mind. If it was jut me who loved her it will be easier cause I would just keep it to myself and if she just loved me well, I can live with that. What guy wouldn't want a young beautiful girl to love him.My wife just thinks I acting differently cause I am out of work so I don't know how long I can keep this away from her. I know in the end someone is going to get hurt or maybe all of us will. Jokingly the other day I told Dawn that we should quit this, you should have seen her face. She was devastated and when I told her I was kidding she said never to that again even if it was for real. While we may not be in true love the both of us have a strong emotional bond. Before this started I treated her like my daughter and before she moved away I basically looked after her. SO why now after being friends with her for over 6 years. Even after her divorce we didn't feel this way. Someone one told me "You can never explain why love happens it just does, why do you think there are so many divorce"

[smackie9]

Well typically most would say she has daddy issues and you are going though a mid life crisis......

[vertical_sky]

Okay really THINK, I mean really analyze, some pretty key bits of information you've given us:

-She says she's deeply in love with you and is deeply afraid of "losing that love"... yet still wants to re-marry her ex-husband. So even though at the moment she's unrestrained (far more than she was in the past or will be in the future) she's still not committing herself to you
-She had an affair. She CHEATED on her husband. And now she's AGAIN cheating on him, in fact doing him perhaps MORE damage, because she can't seem to let him go even though she doesn't seem to want him
-Your wife is willing to experiment with new stuff in and out of the bedroom, and you've said absolutely nothing negative about her
-She was LIKE A DAUGHTER to you

So you are willing to throw away what sounds like a good, adventurous person for someone who REPEATEDLY harms the person they claimed, before witnesses, to love the most in the world? THIS is the person you claim to be so in love with? Pull your head out of your penis for just a moment and THINK how compatible you two REALLY are, and what your future with her would be like. If you repair your marriage, put that same energy you're spilling onto Dawn into the 20 year relationship you have with your wife, you can look forward to financial stability, a wife who tries to keep things interesting sexually (do you have ANY idea how rare that is? This board as well as numerous advice columns are crammed with letters from men who can't get their wives interested in sex any more, and by your admission your wife is open to EXPERIMENTING in the bedroom! What an amazing gift you have!) and with whom you have built a life with.

Contrast that with Dawn, in which your future holds certain drama (even if you two live happily ever after, what about your ex-spouses? Or if you're so selfish as to not think about the wonderful woman you are throwing away after 20 good years, how bout her kids? YOUR kids?) and the LARGE chance she'll cheat on you as well. Or do you think you're somehow special? That her ex/future husband somehow deserves the treatment she's giving to him, and she would NEVER treat you that way? Moreover you think her family, whom you claim to be so close to, is just gonna sit back and go "Oh good for them!" You don't think they're not going to shift uncomfortably in their seats at the announcement of your "true love" to someone you've known since she was a teenager? Age-gaps are tricky to negotiate in the best of circumstances, and this is just ASKING for other people in your social circle to wonder quietly to themselves," So has he been attracted to her since then?"

You're acting like a teenager, and a stupid one at that. In your 30 something years of adult life, haven't you witnessed the sheer destruction an affair and a divorce can cause in people's lives? Now maybe if you were in an abusive relationship... Maybe if you'd been contemplating divorce for years but waiting til the kids were older or something.... But THIS? This is cowardly, this is hitting the self-destruct button on your comfortable life.

And for what? "Love?" Love is living with a person for 20 years and still working to keep that marriage alive, not cooing and making gaga eyes at each other twice a year and sending explicit emails to someone halfway across the country. Love is not born out of cowardice or boredom, and love should not make others turn away from you in disgust at how you've treated the people you claim to care about.

[bloodtippedrose]

She needs a sugar daddy and who is more attractive than someone who is extremely not available? Whatever. I feel horrible for your wife.

[devonbrown]

You said she was like a daughter to you... She is 22 years your junior... And you DON'T think this is a mid-life crisis?

[lovestruck56]

Reading everyones response I think I should just cool it with her for a while. Then go back and just be friends with her. If she doesn't understand that what we are doing is wrong then I will have to stop completly and I don't think she wants
that. I like to thank everyone for there input and opinions.

[VincenzoG91]

If Dawn has four kids, you will probably never be more than fifth place in her heart, at best. And if she is on the verge of re-marrying her ex, your odds look even worse right now.

You say that there is nothing wrong with your marriage, but clearly something is not right. Try to dig deep and discover the real issue, because this cross-country internet flirtation is absurd. If you can't figure this out alone, get some therapy.

[smackie9]

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned......lets hope she doesn't go psycho and blows the lid off your secret.

[JBELL]

Reading this upset me because my Mum did this to my Dad and left him heart broken.

Basically what the F**k are you doing?

either leave your beautiful wife who has loved you for the past 20 years and has done nothing wrong or get rid of this silly Dawn women who you can't have a future with and give your wife the love she deserves.

[smackie9]

Reading this upset me because my Mum did this to my Dad and left him heart broken.

Basically what the F**k are you doing?

either leave your beautiful wife who has loved you for the past 20 years and has done nothing wrong or get rid of this silly Dawn women who you can't have a future with and give your wife the love she deserves.

hey read his last entry. He's calling it quits with her, and if she doesn't like just being a friend then he is eliminating her out of his life....I think the other's comments have hit the message home already.

[sweetkissesforu]

Try to understand this is not love
you are crazy let go of your wife
or do something to fix what is not working in your marriage
you are going to ruin your marriage for a fantasy that there is crazy
are you looking for something new take up a hobby
it wont last you will see

[sweetkissesforu]

infactuations end as quickly as they start

[sweetkissesforu]

She isn't in love with you.... She's in love with the attention.

That may seem harsh but I'd lay money it's pretty accurate. She's 31 with 4 children... Which means she probably got married young, or never really got to experience her youth. She's probably bored in her marriage just like you. So here is the older man giving her all this attention, making her feel admired and worshiped...

But the fact is, it's infatuation. Neither of you really has your head on straight. Neither of you seems to realize that your "love" would destroy two families, one of them with young kids; that one of you would have to move across the country, either dragging your kids with you or leaving them behind and never getting to see them. Lust, infatuation, is all emotions; love is a balance between logic and lust. You said it yourself; what could she possibly see in you? How could this possibly work? You're 24 years her senior, AND unemployed. My guess is, if she wasn't bored/lonely in her own marriage, she wouldn't even be giving you a second glance.

very good hope he takes your advice