Oh

[a19drift]

Here's the skinny: I'm a talker, this won't be short and sweet, but kudos if you manage to read it all AND get back to me with something that opens my eyes a little.

Disclaimer: I tend to be in denial. Always. I want, I want, and I shall have. I will make excuses for the people I love, ignore their misgivings and mistakes because I love them, and allow them to get away with anything, always making it my fault. They say the first step is admitting your problem..that's my problem, but I'm not really ready to solve it yet!

My situation:
I am 22 years old. I've had a slew of crappy relationships, I've done a lot of dumping, the guys who need replacement mamas always seem to find me because I'm awesome at taking care of people, it's what I do for a living.

I met a guy when I was ten years old, his name is Chris. Chris and I were neighbors when I was a little girl. Chris graduated high school when I was 12 years old, went into the Army, and promptly married the girl he was dating in high school.

Fast forward eleven years, two children, and a handful of deployments later, they're getting a divorce.
I've been led to believe that it's due to his PTSD and his lack of general emotion. He's really always been this way, a mans man etc.

So she asked him for a divorce and he moved out to let her and his sons stay in their home. He came home to our hometown.
Randomly we reconnected after eleven years via the internet, and he asked me out to dinner. Neither of us expected anything at all to come of this one dinner date. We were wrong, me especially.

It's been a few months since we started going out quite often, and admittedly, against my better judgment, sleeping together.
Not that I'm not fully enjoying myself, I'm just more the relationship type, not the hook up, or friends with bennies type.

I've had a few freak outs along the way, thinking he was cultivating a relationship with another girl, thinking that I care about him so much more than he cares about me, thinking that I'm banging my head against a wall and nothing is every going to come from this. I worry a lot. I always have, probably always will.

He's not good at caring about people, more than that, he's not good at SHOWING that he cares about people.
He's not ready to be in another relationship. I'm trying really hard to understand that, and to be patient, since that's what he's asked of me.

I almost lost him once. I snooped into his phone when I thought he was talking to another girl. He forgave me. I don't want to mess up again.

What I want to know, is what I should DO? Do to stop myself from going a little bit crazy, do to show him that I'm willing to wait, do to make sure I don't just push/chase him away in the meantime? Where do I go with this? Oh help, please.

[the_last_jedi]

It is a really complicated relationship, and you should be very aware of it.

Firstly, it seems that he has problems related to his PSTD and a relationship would be really difficult because of it. That was the cause of his divorce, so starting now a new relationship will be much more difficult.

Secondly, I think that he isn't interested in a serious relationship right now and you are. I'm afraid that for him this relationship is only sex and little more.

Because of that, I think that you had better be very careful and not put all your feelings very quickly in this man. It is better that the relationship advances little by little, working for ir but without thinking in a very short time that he wil be your final partner. Little by little, I wouldn't trust a lot on this man.

[a19drift]

Isn't it ironic? We ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, ...love the
ones who hurt us, & hurt the ones that love us.

A small update for anyone out there..he hasn't talked to me all day. I'm trying to talk myself into believing that he's just busy. But..I just don't know.