I need some advice...

[blg87]

alright so i am 23 years old and in college. as a little background i havent had a serious girlfriend in college until recently because i particularly enjoy the single life. I dated about 4 girls but it never went anywhere until this last time, needless to say im not particularly good at knowing what to do in certain situations. now on to my problem...

I was with my girlfriend for six months and things were truly awesome. nothing was ever wrong and it seemed that we were really in love with one another. once in january we got into a fight over something stupid and after that things got strange. the next week she didn't seem to want to hang out or even talk to me. i was very confused and didn't know what to do, and basically it never got any better and about a month later she broke up with me officially, and it came with a couple of classic BS reasons involving her and not me. for the last month i have been incredibly confused and wondering if we could get back together, but also growing tired of pretending like we were cool. because of this i decided a week and a half ago to not talk or see her for a while to see what would happen. i thought that would show me more about us than anything. the crazy thing is that what actually happened is i learned a lot about myself just by spending time without her. i came to the terrible realization that when we got into that fight so long ago, and the subsequent week that things were odd, i started acting weird, clingy and like an idiot trying to get things back to normal. the sad thing is i didnt even realize i was doing it because i had literally never acted like that before. I was on her case every day about hanging out, getting mad at her for twitter posts made by her roommate, and just a lot of things that i now realize came off as nothing but desperate. she is the type of girl who likes her independence and never wanted to be attached at the hip with me, and i was the same way. we both had our own groups of friends that we hung out with etc, so you can imagine me acting like this must have been a huge turnoff for her. the way i see it the situation snowballed. I was getting worse because we still werent hanging out and i was confused, causing a neverending string of crap that spiraled towards a breakup. so here i am now, as i said earlier i havent talked to her in a week and a half and in that time was able to realize that about myself, and now i really don't know what to do. I know I need to apologize to her somehow, let her know that i realize now what i had been doing but i dont know how. I don't want it to come off as a desperate last ditch effort to get her back because it isn't. I would still like to get back with her, but that isn't the point of apologizing. i guess i don't exactly have a specific question with all this, just a request for some advice if you can see any worth giving. thanks a lot

[MerryH]

I don't want it to come off as a desperate last ditch effort to get her back because it isn't.

No, that's exactly what it is. You can deny it all you want, but that's what it is. I'm not saying that you aren't truly sorry for your behavior, but I know there's a part of you that hopes your apology will win her back. To me, when there's an ulterior motive, then it's an insincere apology that shouldn't be made. It's manipulative.

If you want her back, then just be straight about it and ask if she'd be willing to give it another try. If she says no, at least you can move on completely.