Should I just let her go or wait?

[grega]

Why would a single woman talk for 7 months to a man over e-mail, messaging, give him her phone number, talk to him over phone and also tell him what she's doing, where she's going with her girlfriends? Laugh at his jokes, tease him, allow him to tell her sweet names, allow him to stroke her arm,kiss her, kiss him back, touch her everywhere, go out with him 5 times, look at him like he's the only one in the world........

Then after a week of normal conversation and planing next date she tells him that she has NO FEELINGS for him, and wishes she would fall in love with him.
And that after the date where the first kiss happened.
Is it possible that she is afraid of relationship?
Two years ago she came out of 9 year relationship. He cheated on her.


She said that we can stay in contact. And it doesn't bother her, for us to meet again. We still talk, text, email. Everyday. We've even been on a date since and it was like nothing happened before.
Kisses, touching, laughing, just normal again.
But a week later she decides not to allow me to kiss her on a date. She said because nothing has changed yet for her. But she would still like to go out with me. But she seemed so sad.
What is wrong? Is it just a test or mind games?

She told me that she feels pressured by me. Does it mean she needs space? I know I can be a bit overwhelmed sometimes.
I love her so much. And she knows it.

But when I ask her if she wants me to leave her alone and not contact her, she has no answer.


I didn't tell her that I love her. She just told me herself that she knows that I love her.
I wasn't planning on telling her for some time.

[twinrexes]

She was with someone for nine years and he cheated on her. That's a huge betrayal. So she's probably going to have a hard time trusting ANY man at this point.

Maybe she says she doesn't feel anything because she really doesn't. But I wouldn't see that as a reflection on you. I'd see it as her way of protecting herself from getting hurt again.

Your job is to get her to feel safe with you, back off a little when she starts to feel overwhelmed, and be very, very patient.

[steviej]

You could be in two very different places - you ready for a full on relationship, and her not ready at all!

Back off, wait for her to contact you and cool it down a bit. Being too keen WILL push someone away, you need to be more chilled and make her think she's missing out.

[grega]

It's so hard.
She also lost her father a little over a year ago. And she was really attached to him.
I will like to give her space and time. But am afraid to ask her if that's what she needs and wants. I don't want to be pushy.
I don't want to lose her. But at the same time have a feeling that I already did.

[jb1111983]

I'm going through almost a similar situation. In my case I asked her out. She said she only likes me as a friend. She started avoiding me. I backed off a bit. I continued being friendly with her but not like before. Took me about 2 weeks to gain her trust again. And to my suprise she began flirting with me which she never did before. A number of signs suggesting perhaps the feeling was now mutual. Unfortunately in my case she's from another country and had to go back there. but she writes to me regularly. And we sometimes skype. I'm just being friendly with her for now. Can't do much from here anyway. But I'll be seeing her again this summer in her country. Maybe then I'll know if there's a future for us. Oh and like your girl mine also got ditched by someone she was hoping to get married to! That happened 4 years ago and she's not had a boyfriend since.
Well in your case I'd suggest you remain friends with her. Don't bring up that subject anymore but do show her once in awhile through your actions (sometimes words too) that you like her more than a friend. It seems to me she likes you but is just being cautious because of her past experience. If you really love her stick around as a friend till she shows signs of wanting you in a romantic way. It's gonna take time. You gotta be cool and patient. But Unfortunately we don't know for sure if she'll ever get to that stage. She may or may never get there. For me this girl I love is worth my wait even if at the end it doesn't work out. I just try not to have great expectation from it. I think I'm ready to let go her if it doesn't work out. I just don't wanna give up on her so easily cause I know we had something before she left and the spark's still there every time we talk. Also because I know being turned down once is not the end. My mom turned down my dad when he first asked her out. They didn't see each other again for 2 years. When they met again my father asked her out again. This time she said yes! Three weeks ago we celebrated their 29th anniversary. And I'm also curious to see how our story is gonna end.
But you decide what's best for you and her. I'm sure you know or will know what you have to do. Good luck, bru!

[Bonfire]

This is how I interpret it. The fact that she been with her ex so long and he cheated on her means she was completely devastated. She must of love him deeply to be with him that long. Every man from now on will have to be compare to him. Although she had move on from him, she still remembers how great he once was. And when she was doing all this stuff with you she was simply giving herself a chance to find love again. After going on a few dates with you and from your perspective everything was so good but in her perspective, you did not meet her needs. She wanted a guy that she can fall in love with. She knows you are a great guy and very sweet guy and she wish she could fall in love with you. But that's not happening for her and she realizes this. So she stops her tracks dead and doesn't want to lead you on any further. That's what happen here. I draw this conclusion from a female friend of mine who has a very similar past as her and did this to many guys.

[jb1111983]

Very good point, Bonfire. That makes sense. I think some of us guys do that too. All my girlfriends were somewhat similar in one way or another to my first one. But I'm convinced the 2nd one and this new one are two of the most wonderful women I've ever known.
I think this also happens because some people of the opposite sex have in them what we yearn for and not always necessarily because they're a copy of someone we thought was the most wonderful person in the world! Just a thought.

[devonbrown]

My view of it is a little different. In my opinion, she is in love with being in a relationship. She wants to be in a loving relationship, and is trying to convince herself that she could feel those types of feelings for you, but even though she tries, it isn't happening for her. She probably feels a little bit of guilt over it, and her telling you that she feels pressured by you is just that she understands how you feel and is mad at herself for not feeling the same way.

I am sorry, I am sure this is not what you want to hear. I could also be completely wrong. It is just my opinion on the situation.

Good luck.

[grega]

Should I just leave her alone, and not contact her anymore? Or what? Give her space? for how long?
She told me that she has no problem talking to me as a friend.