Hate That i Love you

[JBELL]

Hey

My boyfriend and i have been going out for nearly 4 months now, he is a uni student and i work full time. this is both of our second relationship he was dumped by his last girlfriend for no reason and i broke up with mine cause i saw no future.

So now basically i feel like i'm dating a woman he is so insecure constantly joking about me cheating on him and asking me if i'm going to leave him and i always have to reassure him that i'd never do that. I've put it down to the fact that he's been hurt before and his just protecting himself. What he doesn't know is that i'm pretty miserable he doesn't do anything for me besides watch me play sport. I drive us everywhere buy us food all the time buy him clothes just cause i want to but if i ever complain about anything i get this huge guilt trip and have to make him feel better but i was the one with the problem.

I feel like i'm constantly trying to keep him happy and trying to make him want to be with me that when i don't get anything in return i'm miserable but because i'm trying ot make him happy i don't want to say anything.

I've come up with this theory i'm going to tell him everything and he will be mad or annoyed or whatever and he will just want a break from me or i keep it to myself bottle it up and get so bad that i end up breaking up with him.
Either way they both end up like that but for some strange reason i really love this boy and i don't want to leave him i just want things to be better i want him to love me the way i love him.

I know i've pretty well answered my own question but if you can put yourself in my shoes and then give me your advice that would be great.

Thanks

[steviej]

You cannot entertain this behaviour. Like a child, if it starts you have to put a stop to it and let them know they cannot get away with it.
Otherwise, it gets worse and spirals out of control. I've been in your shoes, was passive to their behaviour, did everything to make her happy, put up with her insecurity and all other stuff, and SHE cheated on me! Lol.
I can laugh about it now as it was over 10 years ago, but it taught me a good lesson.

Speak to him, it's fine to reassure someone but the jokes, comments etc have to stop. He has to either trust you or jog on, as you're finding out it makes you unhappy and miserable.

Time to give him a dose of hard love. Stop spoiling him and get him to stand on his own two feet.

[jb1111983]

Agree with the post above. He should stop licking his old wounds for healing to take place. Tell him you're annoyed with his 'u gonna leave me, cheat on me' jokes, comments and to stop comparing you with his ex.
I broke up with my ex because she was feeling too insecure. She wanted my attention 24/7. It got to a point when I got so mad at her and told her to stop behaving like she's my wife. She cried of course. I got tired of having to reassure her every single day of our 6 month relationship and 3 months of living together. Then she broke up with me saying she didn't want to be dumped by me. lol I'm glad that break up happened.

[devonbrown]

I agree that he does need to get past his baggage from the earlier relationship. And I think he will in time.

As for the differences in how you act and how he acts... you said yourself that you work full time and he is a student. He might not have the means nor methods of driving you places, getting you things, doing things for you like that. Maybe by him rooting you on during your sports he is doing the only thing he knows how to do. It might be the only thing that he really understands or has the capability of doing.

Don't wish for him to love you like you love him. Everyone loves a little differently. It is like grief in that way. But instead, try to understand what his definition of loving is and then decide if it is compatible with yours.

Bottom line, sit down and talk to him in a non-confrontational manner. Let him know this is how you are thinking and feeling and that you would like to know how he is thinking and feeling.

Good luck.