Guys, do you still want to sleep with other girls?

[halfloved]

Here I am again. Another problem. But I am so very thankful to all of you who are helping me work through these.

Last night after a bit of tequilla and very passionate sex my bf of 9 months said he couldn't commit to being with just me for the rest of his life. Which is fine, he's already been married and he's not ready for that and neither am I. But he said "what about other girls I still may want to sleep with other girls". Needless to say as a female I can hardly understand. I mean, I do know guys are just different than girls.

He says he could have sex with other girls with no emotion involved and still be completely emotionally devoted to me. I was a bit shocked, I believe him but shit....that sucks! He said he would never do it because it would hurt my feelings. He said he would be okay with me doing it when I asked him as long as I was not emotionally involved. Would you be ok with your girl screwing another guy if she didnt care about him at all and came back home to you? Would you be able to do the same? If you would, would you share this with your live-in girlfriend? Or would you keep it as a private fantasy. If you love someone do you still want to have sex with other people?

This morning he said he was sorry and he loved me and didnt want to be with anyone but me and would never sleep with another girl bc it would hurt me and for me not to think too much about our drunken conversation, which it was drunken, but it's haunting me! Don't I deserve better? A guy who doesnt want to sleep with other people because he loves me not because it would hurt me? Or is he just a brutally honest guy? Do most guys feel this way and just dont vocalize it because their girlfriends would FREAK OUT!?

[Looq]

After reading your other threads it seems to me like your boyfriend is a bit of a arse. I don't have any desire to sleep with other women, okay so I can be turned on by other women and/or find them sexually attractive, but that doesn't mean that I want to sleep with anyone else on an intellectual level. If you are emotionally invested in your partner, I can't see how you can. It would be cheating. So some people have "open marriages" which is fair enough if that's how you want to operate I wont judge, but personally I couldn't have relationship like that if I was, as you put it, emotionally invested in the one I was with.

From what I've read from this topic as well as [URL="http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/52424-only-halfloved.html"]this one [/URL] and [URL="http://www.loveforum.net/ask-male-forum/52539-masturbating-while-your-girlfriend-asleep.html"]this one[/URL] I would say that you boyfriend has some significant emotional problems. It seems to me that he is just not in the same place that you are (emotionally speaking) and isn't looking for the same kind of relationship that you are.

Try and talk with him. Tell him you have these problems (don't draw it out try and do it at once, you don't want to seem like you have a never ending list, get everything out in the open) and tell him what you want from him and what you want from your relationship. If he can't provide that, then you have your answer. If he says he will try and work things out, then that's great. Support him and see how far he can get. Although you should be mindful of the possibility that even if he makes the effort, he might not be capable of what you want (at least not yet). If that turns out to be the case, then you need to leave. You can't stick around under the hope that he might emotionally evolve. Who knows, it might give him the kick up the backside that he needs and you may end up back together (in a better relationship) in the future. Whatever happens you need to find what your looking for, and right now, whatever that is, it isn't with him.

[halfloved]

Yeah it seems like he is an arse huh? Guess I just do have to talk to him. Although its really difficult because we just got back to getting along and I am a bit afraid it will push him over the edge again. When I brought it up this morning, he said he didnt want to be with anyone but me, so I think he's just saying that to keep things smooth between us. What is the point of talking to someone if they will just say what you want to hear to prevent you from freakin out. I just wanted to see if other guys felt the same way....like if your girl was completley okay with it, would you sleep with other people?

[hello1]

Yeah it was a horrible thing to say, no question about it. If that was me it tear me apart.

All I can say is he is an creep. You can find women attractive, but wanting to sleep with them? thats just wrong.

[Looq]

Yeah it seems like he is an arse huh? Guess I just do have to talk to him. Although its really difficult because we just got back to getting along and I am a bit afraid it will push him over the edge again. When I brought it up this morning, he said he didnt want to be with anyone but me, so I think he's just saying that to keep things smooth between us. What is the point of talking to someone if they will just say what you want to hear to prevent you from freakin out. I just wanted to see if other guys felt the same way....like if your girl was completley okay with it, would you sleep with other people?

If you think he's worth it then you can give him some time, but from what you say, I think that clearly, there are things that need to be said; so don't leave it too long. Although to be honest, if he is that easily pushed over the edge, then I would say you already have your answer.

On a side note, if I were in your situation, I would also think that he was "just saying that to keep things smooth between us". I mean, something had to have made him say that in the first place right? And "can I sleep with other women" is a bombshell of a question, he must have thought about what he was saying, surely?

[Bonfire]

I'm a guy. I'm not trying to sound noble or something but I have no desire to sleep with many women. If I did, I would have already. I am only interested in having a fantastic relationship with the person I love. That gives me great joy than having meaningless sex. I understand some men are like that, but that's just not me.

[Queezy1993]

Exactly what Bonfire said.

To add to that I can't even look at other girls when I'm in love, just the thought of them is disgusting.. I devote myself 100% to the one I'm in love with, wich isn't that great since I get blinded by love, easily fooled and used to make the girl feel good. When I get my heartbroken all hell breakes loose and it feels like I want to die.

Now I understand that I don't think with my brain, but with my feelings in these situations so I try my best to brush it off. It's just annoying to be sensitive to the extreme, especially as a guy.

[Yet another guy]

If I had a hot girlfriend who satisfies my needs, I wouldn't be interested in sleeping with anyone else.

[sadie_genie]

It sounds to me he is trying to make you feel insecure. If I were you, I would be more turn off by his comment than to worry about it.

Now, he thinks he can have you begging on your knees to make him commit to you just based on the fact he is a guy and you are a girl. The truth is, girls can **** and use the guy in other ways without emotions too if she really wants to.

And yes, you do deserve better. If he is truthful about his comment than it is obvious you deserve a better guy. If he said it out of his own insecurity (which I think is more likely), you also deserve someone who is more mature.

[vashti]

You can find women attractive, but wanting to sleep with them? thats just wrong.

????

No it's not. Desire is natural. Telling your girlfriend about it (or taking action towards it) is wrong.

Halfloved, please don't be offended when I say that I believe you are the most insecure girl who has posted here in a long time. I really think you would benefit from some intense therapy. You are an absolute doormat.

[sadie_genie]

????

No it's not. Desire is natural. Telling your girlfriend about it (or taking action towards it) is wrong.

Guys can have the desire to **** other girls. But this guy goes beyond that. He actually suggested to her he wants an open relationship. IMO he is not only wrong to tell her this but also to feel this way (if he, in fact does feel this way and didn't say it on purpose to make her feel insecure).

If a guy has any emotional attachment to a girl, the mere image of her ****ing other guys would make him feel sick.

[vashti]

Guys can have the desire to **** other girls. But this guy goes beyond that.

Obviously. So why does halfloved tolerate him? <-- THAT is the problem.

[Looq]

????

No it's not. Desire is natural. Telling your girlfriend about it (or taking action towards it) is wrong.

Halfloved, please don't be offended when I say that I believe you are the most insecure girl who has posted here in a long time. I really think you would benefit from some intense therapy. You are an absolute doormat.

I disagree with almost everything you said. =P First, finding someone sexually attractive and wanting to sleep with them are two completely different things. One is possible without the other. Although I do agree that if you do find yourself desiring to sleep with someone else "telling your girlfriend about it (or taking action towards it) is wrong." With that said, however, I feel that as the two are different, if you do actually have the desire to sleep with someone else, then that to me, would indicate that your not as involved in your relationship (and by extension your partner) as you should be when in a serious relationship.

Also I don't think anything Halfloved has said would indicate to me that she is more insecure than your average person. Worries about breast size is fairly normal for a woman (my girlfriend is self-conscious, and I don't even think she is that small). Also an over-masturbating, emotionally distant boyfriend who asks if he can sleep with other people, would make any women insecure. So I think your comments were unfair. Except for maybe the doormat comment, while I think it was far too harsh considering the circumstances, as I would have dumped this bloke a very long time ago.

[sadie_genie]

^^This guy puts it into words better than I did.

[jb1111983]

That's a very wrong thing to say to your gf. Like other guys who posted on the thread I think it's wrong to even think about such things.
My ex gf begged me to have one last sex with her and I refused even though I admit I still find her very attractive. Why? I should have agreed to f**k her one more time, right? No I can't because it's wrong! There is this girl I love who hasn't quite responded well to me yet. Still I feel it's wrong on my part to even flirt with other girls until I know for sure that this girl will never be mine.
I'm sorry I just can't relate to your bf. I don't understand how can a guy say such a thing to his gf. Ok there are people in 'open relationships' but I've never had any respect for such people. If your bf is serious about this he sure isn't one of those I have respect for.