Flirting but in a relationship. Ok or not ok?

[Golfer]

I have always considered flirting to be basic human nature, innate within all of us in how we interact with members of the opposite sex, especially people we are attracted to.

There is a clear line between flirting with someone and hitting on them. Hitting on someone shows intent to take it further, while I believe flirting does not. It could be a simple compliment, extended eye contact or catching their gaze across a room and smiling at them. It might be an attractive stranger talking to you at a bar, but you don't say you are in a relationship until actually asked, because you like the attention.

I've recently been told by my S.O that I need to stop flirting with women to save our relationship, as she thinks I get too much attention. Yet, I feel that by agreeing to this, I would be denying what I am as a man, and destroying the one small thing I have still been able to enjoy occasionally in relation to the opposite sex outside of my relationship, and that is being made to feel attractive.

Everybody likes to feel attractive and be complimented, and I am not insecure about her flirting with men. So long as it is subtle, shows no intent and does not lead anywhere. She maintains she does not, and therefore is not flirted with or shown interest in by men. I believe this maybe a slight exaggeration..

What do you all think, especially women?

[Spring Haze]

Be a "man" by not looking to outside sources for validation.

[Looq]

You're being a twat to you gf, if I were her I would dump you. Show some self restraint. If you want validation you get it from your gf.

Flirting should be a very occasional thing in a relationship, you are clearly not doing it "very occasionally" but what seems to be "very regularly". Man up.

[steviej]

Your situation is different because you're stuck in a long term, long distance relationship. If you had a gf that you saw regularly you wouldn't need this outside attention.

If you're in a very secure relationship where both of you are confident in yourselves and each other then a bit of flirting is good for the soul, it's just the risk of what could happen with long term flirting with the same person.

[DarkHelmet82]

I think you are insecure with yourself and to hide this insecurity you need to feel "liked." take a deep look at yourself and start from there.

[bloodtippedrose]

When I'm in love I never feel the need to flirt with others and I'm completely disinterested in being flirted with, so your girlfriend being not interested in flirting is completely believable to me. However when you say "I believe this maybe a slight exaggeration.. " denotes that shes a liar or is untrustworthy in your eyes. I think there is some need of yours not being met by dating this girl and if you want to continue to flirt then dump her so she doesn't get hurt any further. There are trust issues in your relationship that can't be solved when you think you are completely justified with your actions. Subtle and occasional flirting is normal, not seeking out people and constantly flirting which apparently you do if its become an obvious issue.

[Golfer]

Your situation is different because you're stuck in a long term, long distance relationship. If you had a gf that you saw regularly you wouldn't need this outside attention.

If you're in a very secure relationship where both of you are confident in yourselves and each other then a bit of flirting is good for the soul, it's just the risk of what could happen with long term flirting with the same person.

Actually I think you're right about that. I have to agree that this is how I have been feeling.

[Golfer]

When I'm in love I never feel the need to flirt with others and I'm completely disinterested in being flirted with, so your girlfriend being not interested in flirting is completely believable to me. However when you say "I believe this maybe a slight exaggeration.. " denotes that shes a liar or is untrustworthy in your eyes. I think there is some need of yours not being met by dating this girl and if you want to continue to flirt then dump her so she doesn't get hurt any further. There are trust issues in your relationship that can't be solved when you think you are completely justified with your actions. Subtle and occasional flirting is normal, not seeking out people and constantly flirting which apparently you do if its become an obvious issue.

The exaggeration part I mentioned was more about the fact that she is a very attractive woman and I am sure she gets lots of attention from other men. We're in a long distance relationship and so I wouldn't necessarily know, because I'm never with her when she goes out with her friends.

Also, I don't flirt constantly, that is what I am trying to say. I am definitely not a major flirt at all... It is always subtle and very occasional. And I believe that steviej was right in the fact that because we do distance I think I just miss interacting with females and such.

[Golfer]

Also, I do receive a significant amount of attention from other women. But I dont think it is due to signals I give off. I'm mid - late twenties and in my final year of university. Therefore I tend to interact a lot with women a bit younger than myself just through my day to day routine, and some of my other friends have even made the remark that I get a lot of attention because 'I'm the older more mature guy'. I don't know ..

[warriormaiden]

I believe small amounts of flirting is ok. In small amounts, definitely nothing over the top.

But I think what some of the others have said so far is true, if you had more physical access to your girlfriend, you wouldn't be flirting. I was in a long distance relationship for about three months, and while he was away, I felt a bit alone and I just wanted some male attention, and so I would flirt with other guys. Nothing scandalous, but just a little playful flirting.
See if you can see your girlfriend more!

[sephira]

no flirting is not OK in a relationship

[livelaughlove10]

I think flirting is ok, as long as it doesn't go anywhere. People flirt, it's natural. The way I feel about it is my partner HAS to compliment me, he can't say you look horrible today. If I hear a compliment from someone else that really means something to me. It makes me feel good about myself. It's not wrong to want attention.

[Superfantastich]

How would you feel if your girlfriend was giving men "extended glances" and flirting until being asked if she was in a relationship. Do you even have an ounce of respect for this woman? Does your own conscience ever tell you no, you already have a partner who loves you?

[IndigoGal]

Personally I find flirting while in a relationship perfectly ok. The thing is, this has to be something negotiated between partners. Some will be fine with it and others won't. It sounds like for your GF it's not ok. You have to decide whether that's a deal breaker for you. If you really enjoy harmless flirting, are you willing to give that up for her?

I am sure the distance has something to do with it in your situation, but personally I've always enjoyed flirting, and even watching my partner flirt with someone else. If I know I can trust him, I think it's nice that other women appreciate him, but I know that ultimately, he is coming home with me tonight.

[falnangel]

How would you feel if your girlfriend was giving men "extended glances" and flirting until being asked if she was in a relationship. Do you even have an ounce of respect for this woman? Does your own conscience ever tell you no, you already have a partner who loves you?

Well said.